Ogbunike and other stories ....

"Ogbunike you are a useless man oh! haba! see the way you just dipped your hands into the palm oil like that!"
"Ah ah! Papa Pius, you know yam and palm and oil is one of my favourite dishes! especially when prepared by your wife Carol"

"Ogbunike, I will tell you again, you a useless man! the next time you dip your hands into my palm oil, you will see trouble......by the way, have you heard?"
"Heard what pappa Pius?"

"The Iroko tree has fallen"
"Ahhhhhhhhhh, you mean...."

"Yes, I mean it, cut at the stump, it fell sideways...heavy, like a pregnant woman"
"The iroko tree.....has finally fallen"

"Ogbunike, a word of caution... beware of where you dip your fingers...things are happening in this village....beware"
"Pappa Pius, I have heard. Your words are always sound. I shall be cautious....but we all know who the best drummer is in Ogbatofia"

"Yes, Ogbunike, we know, but I have heard that Ikemefuna and his people, especially Mazi Edoh, they have been to our king, word is, this year, the stump of the Iroko tree is to be shared!
"Abomination! the stump of the Iroko tree has always belonged to my people! the ancient drummers of Ogbatofia! abomination! the king will not do it....he can not".

"That is for our King to decide, but sit my friend, let me send for more palm oil, this is new yam, just harvested yesterday by Carol, let us eat, the heat of the yam, calls now"
"Thank you Pappa Pius let us eat"

To be continued.

How I am feeling today

Yeahhhhhh!

Hissssssssssssssssssss!

The useless woman don resign, na so she just dey cry anyhow, I no even understand why she just dey misbehave like that, anyway, the highlight of the whole occasion na

"Then, some female members of the chamber, led by Hadija Bukar Ibrahim from Yobe State, knelt down before Etteh for about five minutes, pleading with her to thrown in the towel".

I no know wetin dey do naija people, all this kain serious embarrassment! anyway, make una enjoy the report here.

06:05 and high life

I am up. Listening to high life and drinking a cup of coffee. Try it. Quite refreshing. Once again, what will my life be without music? Ahhhhhh Oliver de Coque...... make i go "baff"!

P.S: I think I will be eating egusi today....there's just something about highlife....I wonder where I can get "cowleg" in this city?

Can't get enough of Ibori

If you, like me, can't get enough of Jamie boy, pls go here and here.

"You are really looking good waffy!"
Yeah, yeah, and so what? I went through a great deal of fucking stress to make it it to your party....
"Oh Thank you so much",
Let us see, a glass of champagne, whatever, anything to drink, help get through this....
"Oh the flowers are so beautiful! wow! what a mighty bouquet",
Ah! no need to heap too much praises, all you have to do is take the time and effort and fucking go to the ghetto, you'll get a mighty one, those Arabs, they know their stuff.....
"Glad you like it!"
Hmmmmm, good, I don't have to do anything, I'll just sit and make small talk..... how absurd... today, I really have nothing to say, no idle conversation, no observations, nothing, I am dry. The house is looking very nice... whatever...I really have nothing to say....my thoughts are on other things....I want to go home....I have nothing to say....
"waffy, your hair really suits you, brings out your eyes"
"Thank you, can't wait for it to grow again"
Normally, I would have told them the story of my hair turning to "dada", but I really do not feel like it today, I am dry. Time to eat, thank God, I was turning into a fossil in the corner, I will eat fast, so I can leave, here is your present, happy you like it, bought it with my heart, yes.... but I need to go, this place, I need to go. Thank you for everything, the food was delicious. Good bye everybody, I will not bother hugging you all, I need to go, it is cold, dark. I can only walk as fast as I can. I am not happy, it is dark, I need to get home. I am not happy.

An unwelcome distraction....

Dear friend,

Your life must be so busy, with so many moments in the day. I can only imagine how distracting my texts and e mails have been to you. I can only imagine the time wasted answering my mails and texts. Time you could have spent doing something more important than answering me. I can only imagine how my texts have irritated you, coming at odd times, when you are busy living your very interesting life. I wonder how many calls you have diverted and how many texts have gone unanswered because of your so busy life. One thing is for sure, I am an unwelcome distraction in your life. I will distract you no more, so you can live your life without the annoying plings of incoming texts and emails.

Yours sincerely
waffy

P.S: It is only because I am not sure if you smile or sigh when you get my texts/emails. It is a burden on my mind, I'd so hate for it to be a sigh!