Until there's nothing more to live for...

Feeling inspired and happy...have a great weekend, guys.

Learning from the best....

I am learning a huge lesson at the moment about humility...HUGE. Its the best ever...and I hope you guys also learn from it...

Anytime I read a book or watch a documentary that really touches my soul, I ALWAYS try and find out the email contact where I can write the artist, to say thank you. This is because I think its very important for people to know how their work has affected you and why. Not only does it encourage artists, to know that their work is valued by all kinds of people, but it is also very important to be thankful anytime you get something beautiful. I am never shy to do these things. Artists need to know they are appreciated.

The first author that ever replied me, was Paulo Coelho. It was so huge to me then. I could not imagine that he would reply. In fact for years, I have wondered if he was the one that actually replied or some secretary. After following his blog for a couple of years now, I do believe he is the one, as he makes it a duty to read all his mails by himself and often talks about the letters he recieves from his readers.

Anyway, that one reply, encouraged me to write to anybody whose work deeply affected me. You might think thats a lot, but it isnt. Even though I read all the time, its not often you read something that makes you stop reading and have a good cry, laugh or you just simply stare...for minutes. Most of the time, when you read, you might smile, chuckle, etc, but you dont put the book down and start thinking...you know...thats what I mean. When you start thinking for a long time about something you read, then you know it got you. And thats the author you need to write to. To say, you know, I feel you...

Recently, I wrote to another artist, (I did not know he was an artist or how huge he was then). I am not going to write his name down cos I would not want to betray his trust, regarding the mails. Anyway, so I wrote to him regarding something I saw on TV that moved me beyond words. It was just something that was overwhelming and inspiring. It was easy to get a contact mail...facebook and twitter. Anyway, so I write to this person, not knowing how huge he was...at all. All I wanted to say was I enjoyed your movie because of this and that, and of course, to say thank you, for the inspiration.

To say the truth, I did not expect a reply. It was mostly for myself, to feel better that I had said "thank you", that I have done my bit in encouraging him on his journey.

The letter I wrote was quite personal, cos I wrote about why his work had affected me the way it did and I recounted a similar experience I had had.

First of all, he replied. Which is huge in itself. But then, he also wrote about something personal relating to his work and his life. Which is also huge. If I expected anything, it would have been just a line saying "thank you, I am glad you liked it, etc etc". I did not expect him to reply in such a way. My own letter was written in a very offhand way, just cos I did not expect any reply. I mostly just blabbed about many things. Like the way I do on this blog.

So of course, I had to reply again. But this time, I had googled...and WHOZAH! I almost had a heart attack...I have spent the last three days in another world. Well, this guy...incredible. Its a world of graphic art, graphic novels and music. It has been seriously exhausting finding out all these things about his world. Let us just say that in the world of graphic art in this country, he is as legendary as they come.

Anyway, so I replied telling him how exhausting it has been finding out all these things about him. Its just HUGE and I don't even know where to start cos that is not my usual familiar territory...and of course, I gave him a progress report of the other situation we had first talked about.

And then he replied, again. Giving me a list of graphic novels to begin with, introducing the novels, a bit about the people who wrote them, and of course, an introduction to his own work as well. It was a very long list and he must have really taken his time to make sure I get a full education on the subject, with personal references as well.

This guy is just too huge and too busy to take such time and care to write to me. Plus, he has a new family life...

It just blows my mind that he would do that. He did not have to...

Its just very humbling that someone with the kind of life he has, would even take time to reply an unknown human being.

Well, I guess human beings can be special. He is special. Now I am off to buy some of the books he recommended...its a whole new world for me.


P.S: I guess I do have time for anybody that wants to be friends (you know, my last blog post). If this guy can take his time to reply my useless mails, I see no reason why I can not give another human being some minutes of my time...and I am a nobody. Its not like I have so much that I am doing that I can't spare a few minutes...it will be tasking( and I am sure I will be bored out of my skull), but for the sake of the universe, I will try and be friends. God help me!

Can we be friends?

There are many ways to build foundations for friendship. Sometimes a friendship can be based on shared interests. Like two men having a love for football. They watch the games together, go to games, discuss the games, bet on games, etc etc. They might not have anything else in common, but their friendship is based on that. Some friendships are based on "fun". You might have nothing at all in common, except the ability to laugh your heads off and have a jolly good time, even in the most dire of circumstances.Some people do not need more than that, they just want someone to have fun with. Others may base their friendship on the serious task of listening. Someone that is always there, always ready to listen to your problems no matter when, or where.

There are many ways to build a friendship. Even alcohol or drugs can be something to build a friendship on.

Some might have different friends for different occasions. Like me. I have different friends for different things. The friend I go to the library with is not the same person I go to the bar with. They are two different people, but equally important to me in their own special way.

Why am I writing this post? Yes, I remember. Well, you see, I am a very open person. I talk to anybody and everybody. I listen to people. I am quite good at listening. I am also quite good at finding things in common with people. It does not matter what, if you are a human being, I will find something in common with you. I am a firm believer that all human beings have more in common than we like to think. So, I am good at finding that one thing. Even if it is your "button", yes, I once had a button like that. If its there, I will find it.

But what happens when the day comes when you meet someone that you can't find that "one" thing? What do you do? I mean, you would like to become friends but...there is just NOTHING.

That, my dear readers, is the issue at hand. You see, recently, someone quite plainly asked me, if we could be friends. I am not used to such questions. Most of my friendships have developed spontanously, without me even knowing it. Even my friendships on blogville have developed quite naturally. One minute, we are leaving comments, the next, we are chatting, then we are on the phone, then we meet, and now we are friends. I don't think anybody has ever asked me to be "friends" since primary school.

Anyway, so this person asked me to be friends. I thought it was weird to begin with, so that just made me feel awkward. Then, I think...but what can I build this new friendship on? We have no common interests, I don't know the person well enough to "crack" jokes, I don't know the person well enough to go out with...Can I really call this person " a friend"?

Now you see, normally, I would have let all this slide...well, if he wants to be friends, no wahala, we can be friends...doesnt take too much out of me, I can be generous with my time...Or can I?

The only people I make such "generous" time for are old people, lonely people, sick people, and children.

However, if you are a healthy man, with lots of friends and comrades, a good job, hobbies, everything going for you, surely, I can not be asked to give away my "reserve time?"

I REALLY don't have anything in common with this person. I tried. Please believe me I tried, I just could not find it.

Sigh...its just a pity. Perhaps this is the one person in the whole world that I might not have something in common with...just a pity.

Life... with me in it...

I have been sleeping a lot lately and thinking...

There is so much on my mind these days. Mostly, about the woman I have become.

Someone called me up yesterday and said something amusing. He said "You sound so calm". Well, I thought, I am calm. My mind is in an okay place, and I am working on getting my mind and body in balance, so I guess I am doing a good job.

I have been thinking a lot about my life and everything I have been through...its no wonder I am calm. I feel wise beyond my years and a self confidence I don't remember having. Although, I still feel lonely at times, I don't feel that nervous about life anymore. I feel happy that I have tried my best in the things I did and the choices I made. I don't think I could have have done things differently than the way I did with the knowledge I had then.

Certain things I wish had not happened. Especially since my mind and confidence was so fragile...but I guess that's what life is. You learn never to let yourself get in such situations if you know you can't handle it.

Which perhaps, is the best lesson. To know yourself so well, that you can protect yourself better if you know you are not at your best.

That of course, takes a lot of honest soul searching. And a lot of work. But I think women need that, from time to time.

I like the person I am becoming, which is a good thing. I am not so nervous anymore about how I will cope with life and all its bullshit. I think I will do pretty okay, which at the end of the day, is all I really want. To be okay.

Most interesting...

Well, I am just about to shut down my computer when I see that a friend of mine, had commented on somebody's "facebook" status. He had commented something like "I can not say I am not jealous", so automatically, my brain goes, "jealous of what?", so of course, I click on the status. The status just says "Going to X" (x is the name of a city). My brain goes "Dryyyyyy". Then, anyway, since I am on this stranger's page, I just look around, for fun. Well, seems he has a website, and I am like, well, I might as well go see whats on it. Well, you can not imagine...he must be the most interesting human being I have come across!

First, lets learn a bit about this stranger. He was born in 1978. Good year. He is doing a doctorate in theology. His politcal views: Anarchist. Religious views: Agnostic. Relationship status : Engaged to "so and so".

Interests....

Now, my friends, here we go.

Our stranger loves animals and does know a bit about guinea pig farming. In fact, he has written a couple of articles on the matter. Nice pictures of the pigs.

Music: Our stranger plays some strange kind of piano instrument, is a member in four bands. Two made up of just him and his friend. One, made up of him alone. I have listened to all his music on myspace. Not bad at all, Quite impressive. He says his band will play for beer, backgammon (they bring theirs if you dont have one), and you pay for transportation...except they can get there on bike.

Books: Gosh! I really thought there was no one, who read as much as I do. But this guy...well, he has a "Reading diary", which I have too, but mine is just a very tiny book and I mostly forget to write in it anyway! Well, well, do you think our stranger forgets? Nope. He reads, writes and even writes down quotations he enjoyed. And he reads all sorts as well. Incredible. I could not go through them all, so I jumped to the next interest.

Plants: He also enjoys growing plants, all kinds of scientific names...

Job: So, apart from this doctorate thesis, he works as an "archiver" you know, those people that work in the government...in the archives. They archive stuff...you know...(anybody that knows the correct English name for such a profession?)

Art: He takes pictures of street art. I also went through all the pictures. Impressive.

Body modification: Well, no pictures of these, but it says so in his facebook profile that he is interested in this as well. And I could see some tatoos on his picture on facebook.

Finally, my brain pauses, and asks "and who, for the love of God, can manage to steal some affection from this incredible busy human being?"

So I clicked of course, on the link of his girlfriend on facebook.

Quite a scary picture, I must say. She must be into "body modification" and all that stuff...

All in all, an interesting facebook adventure.

You belong to yesterday...

Lately, I have been thinking about you.

I wonder what you are doing? Are you thinking about me too?

When things get really bad, I often think about you. Of course, I don't have to worry, you will be right there, where you always are.

But you are not here anymore.

I almost called you yesterday.

What would I have said? That I am sick, and lonely.

What would you have said?

I did not call you though.

"Got to be hard" that's a line from a song.

"No more looking back", thats what I have to do.

I can't look back everytime I feel sad, or lonely, or sick.

You don't belong here anymore. You are no longer by my side. You can't help me anymore.

I have got to be hard.

YEP! No time for all this crap. Got to go get my eyebrows done and fix my hair. So What? Life never turns out the way we want anyway. It could be worse. I have seen worse. I know someone right now who is pregnant for the husband she hates. Now, thats a life I wouldnt want to be living. Nah. It could be worse. Enough with this sad and sick stuff. So what? Everybody gets lonely sometimes. Time to buckle up and get things done. Fuck it. Life is what it is. I can only do my best. Maybe one day I'll be free of you, but until then, got to be hard....

Just when I was feeling lonely...

Yesterday night was terrible for me. I had the worst fever ever. The kind that makes you freeze and sweat at the same time. Like Malaria fever. I turned up the heat in my apartment. Every trip to the bathroom was torture cos it meant I had to creep from underneath my bedcovers...it was not a pretty sight. I was too feverish to even feel any pity for myself. All I wanted to do was stay underneath those covers. My lips were parched and from time to time, I would attempt to drink water from a water bottle I kept by the bed. That was not pretty either. In the early hours, the fever finally broke, with me drenching my bedsheets with sweat.

When I woke up this morning, it was already nine. My bedside was quite chaotic. A paper bag filled with used tissues, a glass filled to the brim with used tea bags, a packet of tea on the floor, an opened jar of honey, a dirty bowl with the remnants of tuna fish in it, four different books, tossed away in annoyance, a dirty spoon, throat tablets, and a packet of pain killers. All these, lay in disarray. I had also managed to change my clothes sometime in the night. I could not really remember how I had passed the night. I just remember being scared. And alone.

Just when I was feeling lonely, I opened my blog, and there were two comments on my last post that cheered me up immensely! Thanks, Anengiyefa and "anonymous".

And then, my sister called and I told her all about my feverish night. We had a good chat, and I felt better when she said she would call me every hour so I don't feel scared.

Then I got a text from an old secondary friend reminding me of her visit sometime in the month.

Then I got a phone call from a family friend in Warri who calls in from time to time to check on me. Strange that he should call today of all days.

Then my mum called.

Then my neighbour dropped by with the left over cake from her kid's birthday birthday.

And now I don't feel so alone anymore.

I am grateful to the universe for always providing me with what I need, when I need it.

Hope you are all having a great weekend. Peace and love.

P.S: I had at first written "rest over" cake...hehehehehee...thats funny...I think I just directy translated.I kept staring at those two words, I knew there was something not quite right about it. I just finally realized that of course it has to be "left over" not "rest over"!