Saturday, May 8, 2010

Can we be friends?

There are many ways to build foundations for friendship. Sometimes a friendship can be based on shared interests. Like two men having a love for football. They watch the games together, go to games, discuss the games, bet on games, etc etc. They might not have anything else in common, but their friendship is based on that. Some friendships are based on "fun". You might have nothing at all in common, except the ability to laugh your heads off and have a jolly good time, even in the most dire of circumstances.Some people do not need more than that, they just want someone to have fun with. Others may base their friendship on the serious task of listening. Someone that is always there, always ready to listen to your problems no matter when, or where.

There are many ways to build a friendship. Even alcohol or drugs can be something to build a friendship on.

Some might have different friends for different occasions. Like me. I have different friends for different things. The friend I go to the library with is not the same person I go to the bar with. They are two different people, but equally important to me in their own special way.

Why am I writing this post? Yes, I remember. Well, you see, I am a very open person. I talk to anybody and everybody. I listen to people. I am quite good at listening. I am also quite good at finding things in common with people. It does not matter what, if you are a human being, I will find something in common with you. I am a firm believer that all human beings have more in common than we like to think. So, I am good at finding that one thing. Even if it is your "button", yes, I once had a button like that. If its there, I will find it.

But what happens when the day comes when you meet someone that you can't find that "one" thing? What do you do? I mean, you would like to become friends but...there is just NOTHING.

That, my dear readers, is the issue at hand. You see, recently, someone quite plainly asked me, if we could be friends. I am not used to such questions. Most of my friendships have developed spontanously, without me even knowing it. Even my friendships on blogville have developed quite naturally. One minute, we are leaving comments, the next, we are chatting, then we are on the phone, then we meet, and now we are friends. I don't think anybody has ever asked me to be "friends" since primary school.

Anyway, so this person asked me to be friends. I thought it was weird to begin with, so that just made me feel awkward. Then, I think...but what can I build this new friendship on? We have no common interests, I don't know the person well enough to "crack" jokes, I don't know the person well enough to go out with...Can I really call this person " a friend"?

Now you see, normally, I would have let all this slide...well, if he wants to be friends, no wahala, we can be friends...doesnt take too much out of me, I can be generous with my time...Or can I?

The only people I make such "generous" time for are old people, lonely people, sick people, and children.

However, if you are a healthy man, with lots of friends and comrades, a good job, hobbies, everything going for you, surely, I can not be asked to give away my "reserve time?"

I REALLY don't have anything in common with this person. I tried. Please believe me I tried, I just could not find it.

Sigh...its just a pity. Perhaps this is the one person in the whole world that I might not have something in common with...just a pity.


Jaycee said...

Lol Waffarian.

I'm a firm believer that things come naturally.

Anonymous said...

I kinda feel sorry for the person though...he see's something that is endearing enough to ask you to be his friend, it takes a lot of guts to ask that question and opens one up to serious rejection. Even if I thought it, I would never say it.

Waffarian said...

@ Jaycee: Me too!

@Anonymous: That's why I said it was a pity...its just a pity...what can I do?

Anonymous said...

He who wants to be friends with you, must find the common always let it flow and if nothing ....he will work u?

SHE said...

Perhaps the common ground eludes you because you seek it.
In any case, you are both human. That's common ground enough, yes?

Fabulo-la said...

Well...the way I see it, you dont have to HAVE sth in common with someone else to be their friend.
Sometimes just being there, or just being a shoulder to lean on when the person needs it is usually enough.

My two kobo.

Anonymous said...

Interesting. However, i have come to believe you don't ask people to be your friend. Rather, you make a friend out of them.

How? You might ask. Since you are the one that want to make a friend out of the other, you simply have to go out of your way to consciously nuture a friendship from the other.

'tis not always easy but, am not sure 'thas failed me once. In essence, it could be rigourous but, it always works.

Ask me if we can be friends, and i can tell you upfront that whatever we had before has (unconsciously) just gone down the drains because there is something about that question that make you feel uncomfortable.

Waffy, i do not agree with "Perhaps this is the one person...I might not have something in common with...".

I believe we all have something in common with the next person. However, to find it, 'tis the person that wants to make friend from the other that has the onus to find out that thing you both have in common.

An excellent subject.

Ms. Catwalq said...

You know, I was thinking about that. I met someone recently and we hit it off chatting. He was a guy and there was no attraction but I could not help thinking how much I would like to be friends with him cos he was such a pleasantly intelligent person to hang out with. Somehow, i found myself saying " I hope after this we can be friends..." and he was like "Oh yes, definitely...we have so much more to talk about...bla bla bla" and i think I have made a new friend.

I don't know why with age, simple requests come out friends. When we were little, was it not as simple as " You want to play catcher-catcher?" I mean, i have long time friendships based on that. So why now, is a simple request now complicated and filled with all sorts of extra?

Cos we have killed simplicity