Books always make me calm. He said he would be late. I looked at the shelves...past the usual serious fiction I would go for...nothing interests me these days. Everybody has the same melancholy thoughts. All these writers always thinking so much. I walked down to the "chick lit" section. Nothing there either. My old friend "crime" beckoned to me...Perhaps it was time to rekindle my teenage relationship?
But he was going to be late...ten minutes, he said. I spent some time chatting with the book people, getting recommendations and asking about new books. They seemed keen on chatting. It was a slow day. I bought a cup of coffee and tried to look cool. How did I look? I had my "Diana Ross" hair. A hairstyle I was getting more comfortable in these days even if it meant more people looking at me.Suddenly, he was across the room, smiling in dark shades. Lord.
I smiled back at him. I could not read his face. Was not sure if he was as nervous as I was.
"I hope you are not in a rush cos I intend to finish my coffee. I had to buy a book because of you" I said.
"I'm really sorry I'm late. You can send me the bill for the book" he said.
The conversation flowed easily from there. I am good with conversations and being "easy breezy" as Tina says. I know how to not talk about anything.
I felt like a teenager. My friends had laughed when I said I was going to the movies with him. Seems adults dating was all about wine and chatting in restaurants and bars.
When he held my hand, I smiled. When last did anybody do that? Reach for my hand in the movies? It all felt surreal. I was already thinking of how I would describe the scenario..."suddenly I felt the warmth of his hand on mine. I looked at him and he just seemed so happy so I held his hand tight"...but what the hell was I doing? shouldn't I be living in the moment? Just enjoying this feeling?
Then at dinner, he reached across the table to remove some strands of hair from my face.
"You know when I saw you sitting there, from across the room, with your hair, and your smile and everything, I thought to myself "wow! what a woman!"
...Maybe it was the movie, or the hand holding or the dinner afterwards...but I was feeling not like myself. Not like I was a woman...
I was feeling something else. Like the whole world had stopped and all I could see was him...
"Yeah...what a woman!"