Sunday, December 21, 2008

Old bits and pieces...

Due to popular demand, okay..I lie...due to the fact that Christmas is fast approaching and a new year is just round the corner, I have decided to write a bit about my life this past year. Of course this will not be the full story as a friend has just given me the idea to write a semi autobiography so if you are still interested by next year, perhaps there will be a book.

What was I going to write about? Oh Christmas is finally here and a year has finally gone by. I met an old friend of mine the other day. My friend is originally American but this is the fourth country he is residing in now. I remember how we both used to say that we just wanted to feel "secure" and "stable". How that used to be one of the reasons for living in a certain country."I want to be stable" and he would understand...he would nod his head and we would both stare off into the distance, wondering if we would ever feel that way. Many years have passed now and meeting him in yet another country makes me feel like we are both moving further and further away from our dream. He seems to have given up. He drank his wine in silence..."what's keeping you there?" he asked. "Nothing is keeping you there" he said." You can move if you want to".

Yes I can move.

I don't know if I'll move yet but I am definitely starting over in my heart and soul. One thing I learned this year is that we all have amazing strength within us as human beings and we just need to find a way to get it out of us.

This year, things spiralled out of control faster than I ever imagined and soon enough, I realized that I could only depend on myself to pull myself out of the hole I was in. Physically, I was able to smile, meet people and pretend I was okay. Inside, I was screaming "HELP!". So that is where I was, my heart broken into a thousand pieces, my soul totured....but...I knew, for fucking once in my life, I had made the right decision. Come what may, the time had come to move on.

It was amazing that it was during this time in my life that God had chosen to send so many beautiful people into my life. People met on trains, in seminars, on buses, libraries...and yes, even on facebook!

However, one person touched my life forever. I met someone who blew me away with an act of kindness that I can never repay. Someone who kept me stable...even if it was for a short time. I had never felt safer in all of my life.

Yes...another year has passed and again, i embark on another journey.

And hopefully I'll meet even more beautiful people and angels (and I hope you all do too!)

I wish you all a very merry Christmas!

Lots of love,


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

Chop me up...

1. No, it doesn't feel like fucking christmas. Its grey and cold and the fucking christmas lights....they are blinding. I tell you!

Last year I bought so many cards, all to be sent off to all my friends all over the world. Every address tracked down in time. Old phone books found in old suitcases, old emails searched and scanned for numbers once given.

I am empty...I have no christmas spirit...

2. Oh, don't bother with any uplifting stories of brain does not recognize that word anymore.

3. Chop me up. Enjoy.

Chop me up - Justin timberlake

P.S: Feel free to send me booze for christmas!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Another facebook dilemma...

A once good friend of mine had a baby shower. Other friends were there and people commented on the pictures(facebook, naturally, where else?). Here is the dilemma, she NEVER told me she was pregnant in the first place. I mean, I know facebook is the new way to announce stuff...all of a sudden a picture of a big belly or wedding pics or status changes, etc etc, but here is the deal. I see my facebook messages in my mailbox. I recieve messages and I send some. I don't think I need to be on facebook 24/7 to do that. The most important thing for me is that people that need to reach me are able to and if I need to reach someone, I can. Finish. I hardly look at pictures except somebody asks me to...and even then, I look at the specific picture I have to and I move on. I don't like people pictures. Five hundred pictures of the same people in different moments ( I am I am I am I am smiling I am waving...). I get bored easily. Point is, people announcing stuff with pictures will miss me cos I don't hang out long enough to get the gist.

Lets say I was not on facebook, how the hell was I supposed to know?

Its a fucking pain I tell you. If she had told me in the first place, I would have said "congrats"...or should I just say the "congrats" and get it over with? But if I do that, then she would wonder why I am just saying it now...

Jeez....I will just wait until the baby pops out!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Move for me...

I now alternate from one bed to another depending on my mood. When we were kids we each had a bed. Three beds in one room and yet it was not uncommon to find two of us sleeping in one bed in the morning. Driven to each other by nightmares, insecurity or worries.

"Move for me"

and the other person would, without asking why...

Now, we are all women, each in her own stage in life, with new insecurities, worries and new nightmares to face.

Yesterday, I stayed up late, using the light from my computer to read my book...

"You are gonna destroy your eyes" she said.

and in a flash I remembered those years...when my Dad would switch off the lights, "Time to go to bed" he would say, removing the book from my hands and gently covering my body for the third time. My mum would already be annoyed, having told me twice already to go to sleep.

"Just one more page" I would say

"Don't you want to keep anything for tomorrow? You will have nothing to read tomorrow if you read all the pages tonight"

He would close the door and when he was gone, I would crawl from underneath the covers, towards the light that emerged through the cracks...the light from the living room where I could hear my parents still talking, the noise of the TV in the background.

"You are going to destroy your eyes" the second one would say.

"Leave her, they will catch her" the third would say.

Soon enough, I would give up...the lights from the cracks were never good enough...

"Move for me", I would say

"Why don't you go to sleep?" the second one asked

"Just one more page" I said. The light from the computer screen was not good enough...

"Move for me"

Friday, December 5, 2008

Chevron and the Niger Delta.

Just read this. It is a case that I have been following for quite a while and even did part of a seminar based on it. You can read more about the case here, thanks to Jeremy for the link.

Love...on my mind...

Where does all the love go?

as usual, you tube is fucking up. The video is Mariah Carey's "I stay in love"...I just can't get it out of my head.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

In the mood for something else...

He looked at me and smiled, "you have to use this one, you see, the one that shows the green light". I went over to his side. It worked. I smiled back, "thanks".

I asked him which line I should take, he said we were going the same way. We smiled and talked and laughed....he likes philosophy...he likes books, he likes writing.

He talked like he had always known me, like we were two old friends who had just met on the train. He asked me where I was coming from so late. I told him about the friends I had met. The friends it seemed I had known for so long and yet had never met...

Which made me think of friends...and how great the universe can be when its on your side...

I hope he has a great life, whoever he is...I hope we all do...

Lots of love

P.S: Glad to see a fellow blogger, free lance writer and friend, Tolu Ogunlesi nominated for the future awards here . Congrats Tolu!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The very confusing morals of Christians....

There are many discussions in blogville that I purposely stay out of simply because I know, that even in a thousand years,my opinions would not matter. Some people are just "blocked" and that is just how it is. However, in this case, I was forced to say something because of the shocking opinions (to me, they are shocking) that followed this particular post. I think we have a serious problem with Christians and their so called morals, rules and regulations. It seems everybody just picks what fits in their own life when they want it to. Every rule in the Bible can be bent and fixed whenever it suits them.

First of all, I can safely say, that there are certain crimes against humanity that I absolutely detest and on no grounds would I ever support. It is very hard to ever imagine ever turning in a loved one, husband, brother, sister, but I believe very strongly in my principles and morals. If you kill another human being, for whatever reason, it will have to be reported and hopefully, justice will take its course. I can not imagine anybody taking the life of another...except maybe if you are caught molesting a that case, you should be hung...and I will kick the damn stool.

For me, there are absolutely no grey areas when it comes to what a crime is. Or what wrong and right it. Even without the Bible, many of us have been raised to know what right and wrong is, and if your parents did not teach you, then common sense will. I really do not have any problems knowing immediately if something is wrong...or right.

However, it seems it is the "Christians" who have this problem. Even though the Bible is very clear on what a "sin" is, I think many people become confused about when they are supposed to"forgive". Also, the situation becomes extra confusing when they have to take account different "vows" made under the covenant of God(or however they put it).For example, you find out your husband has just killed your house boy. He is remorseful, did not mean to do it. What does the Christian do?

A. Call the police immediately and let justice take its course, if your husband is innocent, the truth shall set him free.

B. Pray together and ask for God's guidance. Do not do anything. A miracle will surely happen, there is nothing God can not solve.

C. Since he has already asked for God's forgiveness who are you to judge him? Remember your vows, "for better and worse", this is the "worse" part now. The best you can do, is help him destroy the evidence (although one does not have to see it that way, you are merely helping him in a difficult time), just pray to God to relieve this terrible burden from your lives and stick by your man. Divorce is a sin and you have made a covenant before God.

So you see, my dear people, it is so confusing, what is one supposed to do? Take for example, the post about the man who engages in child pornography, the options are the same. You can either do A, B OR C. Of course, I thought many people would choose option A. Unfortunately, I did not take into account the other vows and covenants the Christian has to take into account. For me, it is common sense that when a crime is being committed, one must do all in his/her power to put an end to it. Especially when it is something that endangers the lives of so many children.

I was therefore extremely SHOCKED to see many people obviously confused about the rules when it comes to child pornography. If you possess pictures of naked children on your computer, it s a CRIME. Most children that are used for this disgusting crime, are trafficked children from the poorest nations in the world. They are sold to paedophiles who in turn not only abuse and molest them but make money out of them by selling nude pictures of the poor children. I do not think I need to go into the gruesome and horrific details of the kind of lives these children live. Some will never go to school, many will die and be buried like animals. Others will cry for their mothers and only get beaten or chained. The few that will survive, will be so scarred that many end up committing suicide.

In the name of the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, who loved children, in the name of common sense,


I know that turning a loved one in, is hard. I know that. But as a CHRISTIAN, shouldn't your morals, values and principles be your guide?

Shouldn't you people be the first to rise up against injustice when you see one? Shouldn't you be the first to raise your voices and cry out loud when you can prevent such a terrible crime from taking place?

Who do you pledge legiance with, God or man?

If Jesus Christ came down today, I am 100% sure that he will tell you to save your child and not your fucking marriage.

There is something very wrong with how far we, as women are willing to go for the sake of our marriages. Even when we see such a terrible crime being committed, it saddens me that many women would rather save the "man" than the child. A grown man at that, who can make his own damn choices. Yet, we choose to abandon the innocent child that needs protection.

It is no wonder we have so many cases of child abuse in Nigeria. The women have failed us. Our mothers have failed us. Our own, have failed us.

Anybody that does not think child pornography is a crime, don't even bother leaving a comment. Go and ask your pastor and if he also does not think it is a crime, then sorry, you are both going to HELL!


Note: Of course, not ALL Christians think this way!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Try to remember....

Deep in December it's nice to remember

Although you know the snow will follow

Deep in December it's nice to remember

Without a hurt, the heart is hollow

Deep in December it's nice to remember

The fire of September that made you mellow

Deep in December our hearts should remember

Then follow, follow...