Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Love Minus Zero/No Limit

Someone made a quote today...he said "my love speaks like silence"...it was something beautiful I thought...then he said it was from a Bob Dylan song...and you all know I just had to find it..and yeah...beautiful lyrics.




My love she speaks like silence
Without ideals or violence
She doesn't have to say she's faithful
Yet she's true, like ice, like fire.
People carry roses
Make promises by the hours
My love she laughs like the flowers
Valentines can't buy her.

In the dime stores and bus stations
People talk of situations
Read books, repeat quotations
Draw conclusions on the wall.
Some speak of the future
My love she speaks softly
She knows there's no success like failure
And that failure's no success at all.

The cloak and dagger dangles
Madams light the candles.
In ceremonies of the horsemen
Even the pawn must hold a grudge.
Statues made of match sticks
Crumble into one another
My love winks, she does not bother
She knows too much to argue or to judge.

The bridge at midnight trembles
The country doctor rambles
Bankers' nieces seek perfection
Expecting all the gifts that wise men bring.
The wind howls like a hammer
The night blows cold and rainy
My love she's like some raven
At my window with a broken wing.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Ogbolokokomioko!

There are many things I can't stand in life and one of my many irritations would just have to be people that can not stand for their opinions or principles in life. People that are easily swayed by other people. Now I agree that one has the right to change one's mind. We should be able to use information and knowledge and mold it into our own lives as it fits us. Yes, one should be able to change an opinion if one thinks he/she now knows better. Those are not the kind of people I am talking about.

I am talking about those people that sway wherever the wind blows. Today when you meet them, they think one thing, tomorrow they are now thinking another, next tomorrow, its a whole different ball game. You wonder whats going on...then you realise he was with John on Monday and then with Christina on Tuesday and tomorrow he will be with Olu. First of all, if you have been brought up in Nigeria and you still behave like that, then I really pity you. It is a known fact that we talk with confidence on any subject as if we are experts. As if we have two PhDs and have done considerable research on the subject at hand. People are always telling you EXACTLY what you should be doing. They will sit down and with grave solemnity and authority tell you in great detail, what you should be doing with your life, clothes, friends, food...anything and everything. Now, if you are smart and enquire further about their unshakable convictions about a certain subject, do not be amazed to hear "because my sister's husband's cousin said that something like this happened to his neighbour and this is what the neighbour did". Also, in case you have all not noticed, we are all about the "hype". We can "hype" our way in, over, on top, across any situation. We love the "hype", the feeling that we are "in the know" when the truth of the matter is if you scrape just a little bit at the gold surface, all you will have is shit.

Now, if you are a teenager it is still permissible..that's why it is called "Peer pressure". As an adult, it is called STUPIDITY. There is no reason why anybody should still be listening to others when you have the brain and ability to make your own decisions. Do you really believe that these people are more intelligent than you? Sometimes people really have to step back and analyse the kind of people that are talking...if they knew so much, why are their own lives not top notch? Why are they not the ones enjoying the kind of life they think you should? Why are they not doing EXACTLY what they THINK you should do?

The most unattractive human being is one that has no opinion of his/her own. Sometimes, people really have to think, "who am I"? If you still do not know who you are as an adult, whatever you do, please do not live in Nigeria, because you will become a thousand and one things and none of them will be you.

And to such people, I ask, "dem give you *ogbolokokomioko chop?"




*Ogbolokokomioko is a type of love potion used to cast spells on men. It is rumoured that if such a potion is used on a man, he loses all his senses and does exactly as the women desires.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Come on!

"Come on!" that's what I screamed out loud with my hands up in the air as three buses whizzed past me going in the opposite direction. You see, I live in an area where there are two bus stops at my disposal. However, these two buses go in opposite directions but taking either of them will still get me to my end destination. Now, since I can take any of the buses one would think my life in the mornings would be so easy right? WRONG!

These two buses leave at almost the same time and I have to choose one bus stop. Now, I know the genius minds there are wondering, why not just stand in the middle? And then run to any of them when you see either of the buses appear? My good friends, the middle ground here is a fucking bridge! Even if I decide to stand in the middle and risk getting run over(possibly by another irate human being that is having his/her own traumatic morning)I cannot see the bus in time to run back or forth to either of the bus stops. The two bus stops have been designed with precise precision at the two corners of a long winding downhill road (I am sorry, this is the best I can do with the description). Let’s just call the two bus stops “uphill” and “downhill” for easy identification.

So, every morning I make a decision as to which bus stop is worth having a traumatic experience under. You see, you all know that whichever bus stop I choose, I will be standing there, watching in agony, as buses go in the opposite direction...now, I dare not run to the opposite bus stop because the moment I do, a bus will suddenly appear at the very bus stop where I had been standing all along! Sometimes I try to trick the universe and pretend I am going to the "downhill" bus stop so that the buses will then go to the "uphill" bus stop which was my original destination all along. Of course this never works; the universe knows that I am actually going to the "uphill" bus stop, so it sends the buses to the "downhill" bus stop!

Still following? Good. Now, after many months of running like a crazed woman back and forth and trying different brain tricks, I decided that each morning, I am going to stand in just one bust stop and no matter what happens, no matter how many buses whizz past me, I stand there patiently and wait for the bus. No more nervous break downs and running in zig zag.

Now, making this decision is also very problematic because both buses have advantages and disadvantages. The "downhill" bus takes you to the underground, which is actually the best and it does not matter if the bus is late because the trains come regularly. The problem with this bus is that it wastes so much time in between stops. The main causes of this problem are mothers and their prams, which I now call German tanks. The bus can only take two prams and they have to be of the regular kind. However, these days, they now have the kind that is like "double"...you know, they can have two kids in it. They normally have one baby and then a bigger one beside...I am sure you have seen them, huge tank like carriages. Anyway, just one of these ugly things can take up the whole space meant for two regular prams. Now, every, single morning, do you think we have just one mother with one tank? Nope. Always, more than four or five mothers arguing and pushing to try and get their tanks in the bus. This takes an enormous amount of time with the bus driver coming down and trying to decide who actually came first etc, etc...And all this while, all I can do is scream "COME ON!"

The other bus, the "uphill" one is calmer but it takes you to the train...which for some reason is not as appealing to people as the underground is. This bus would be perfect if it was not scheduled to arrive with exact precision with the train. So you take the bus, and as the bus gets to the train station, you actually have to run to get the train. Now, it does happen, quite often actually, that the bus driver decides to drive like he is in Lagos traffic...so slow, that I am usually screaming with my hands in the air, "COME ON!” Many of you might think that this ride is not as traumatic as the other one but I assure you, when you run like a mad woman, through the tunnel, then up the stairs, then you see the doors close right before your very eyes...and then you look at the board and the next train is in twenty minutes....

COME ON!

250 million women in the EU. Not a single one good enough?

During the coming 12 months, four politicians will be appointed as leaders of the European Union. For fifty years now, the picture of European political leadership has remained the same. It is time for a change. International top posts should always go to the most competent candidate. There are 250 million women in Europe; it should not be too hard to find qualified candidates among all these.

If you wish to see at least one female appointed as leader of the European Union, sign here.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

You see how determined I am to speak french?

Yep, na by force! I must sing this song...I am halfway already...lets see how it goes by next week..

Friday, September 19, 2008

No marraige please!

This post was inspired by the debate going on here

There comes a point in a woman's life when you have to decide...ehhhhh...got you! Nope, there is really no point in your life when you have to decide shit. I am so tired of people telling women just why it is such a joy to get married. We know all the reasons...we've been told since childhood...but what about the reasons NOT to get married? Well, let me see...lets see if I can come up with ten? Yep, that will do. Ten reasons.

1) You have to see the same damn face every morning. You wake up and oops! same mutherfucker.

2) Those little humans you bring into the world are dependent on you for...wait for it...LIFE! You have to worry about them until the very day you die. Even on your dying bed, you will worry about them worrying about you.

3) You can't return that man if you find out certain features that he came with are not up to standard.

4) Oh! the cleaning, the cooking, the washing...it never fucking ends! It just goes on and on and on....

5) You remember that cute guy that has been checking you out? The one with the big muscles and good looking ass? Forget him! You are married!

6) Its not enough that you have your family to deal with...now comes a whole bunch of human beings...and they are on a whole other level too! It will take a life time trying to figure out how they all work...hell, you haven't even figured out the mechanisms of your own family.

7) Yeah, yeah, you've got to compromise. Forget about what you want, now its all about what "WE" want...boring!

8) This is the best part...those couple dinners, family outings with other families, birthday parties, all those smiles, teeth flashing,"oh life is so great"...exhausting.

9) The never ending maintenance of your body. Don't forget to oil and patch yourself up cos if you don't, that man sure is gonna get his servicing somewhere else!

10) Have I mentioned that you have to see the same mutherfucker everyday?


Note: If you do not have a sense of humour, just pretend you did not see this.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

To Saint Patrick

When I was a teenager, a great part of my teenage years was spent in the house of this author, planning and plotting with his sister who was about the same age as I was. A forest separated their house from the estate which I lived in(there is now a road there, thank God!)and yes, we were brave enough to walk through it when we could not afford "okada"...which was quite often.

To me, Eghosa was a "bigger boy", as all boys that went to the University of Benin were seen as those days in Warri. We watched with fascination as Eghosa and his Uniben guys cruised in and out of Warri. I and his sister enjoyed hanging around when his friends were in the house. Of course, Eghosa never allowed us to hang around for too long...we were just "small" girls...who wanted secondary school girls giggling like idiots around them? Cos that's all we did...giggle and whisper and try and get noticed. Nobody ever did notice us...but Eghosa was kind enough to give us rides from time to time...and I always got invited for his parties...although most times I and his sister were just needed there to serve and for other unworthy errands! However, it was always exciting to be around the "bigger" boys and babes of Warri.

I was therefore very excited to see this book. For not only did it remind me of those years with his sister but also, I am so happy to see a fellow waffarian(and one that grew up in the same neighborhood too!)published! It is such a joy and I am so very proud of him.

So you all know what's up, make una grab una copy fast fast and promote my brother abeg!

Up Warri, we dey sha! Haba! I throway salute!

Update: You can get the book here

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Life is a roller coaster...just got to ride it!

Okay, I know people say all the time that you really need to believe and let go, things will come to you, etc...well, they are all right! This past year, I have been working really hard in changing the way I see my life, trying to get back that positive feeling that I used to be so famous for, before I became a "fatalist" like a friend of mine calls me. Anyway, I don't know how in the world I stopped being so excited about life and everything around me. How did that happen? Well, I know. It was the fucking series and series of never fucking ending disappointments...they never ended...and I know, I contributed to it. Someone told me recently, "You know Waffy, you really are too trusting"...I thought about it and told another friend of mine...I mean, I know I am, its no secret, I trust people in good faith...and yeah, that's what fucks me up...time and time, and time again. Anyway, and my friend tells me "but that's what makes you human...how else are you supposed to live in this world?"...and you know what? She is right, I can not live in paranoa thinking every single person I meet is dishonest or out to get me...that would be way too egoistic, cos really, I don't think I am that important to anybody.

Anyway, since summer, I've been working really hard on my life, changing mostly the way I think, and trying to find the old me. The girl from Nigeria who set out to conquer the world. The old me is not perfect, but she was strong and determined and every set back was an incentive to work harder, try harder, and do her best. That's the part I wanted most, to do my best in anything I do and not the half assed attempt I often throw in. Do my best and get satisfaction in even the little things in my life. Live my moments.

It has been hard work, trying to always be "present", giving a 100% concentration in every single thing I do. It is hard work to stop my mind running away in fantasies and dream land. Yet again, practise makes perfect. That's true as well. My mind still runs away from time to time, but now, most times, my mind is concentrated on whatever it is I am doing. It is becoming a part of my life and I can't wait until it just "is", just part of me, without effort, without thinking.

I know you all must be tired by now with all these posts about ME...I am sorry, but I am super excited and just had to share...do I even dare to say I am happy? It sounds so strange...I am the melancholic one, the one with the dark side...the one that loves the "absurd" and "existentialist thoughts"...do I dare to say I am happy?

Well...I think I am! Hope you all have a lovely week! and remember...life is full of ups and downs...just ride it out...hold on.


Friday, September 12, 2008

Just another day...

What kind of life do I want? Why do I keep thinking about a future that isn't now and a past that isn't now? What about now? Sometimes, we truly have to let go...just be...no more future plans, no more memories.Today is different, its not going to be like tomorrow and it is not yesterday. Wishing you all love.


Monday, September 8, 2008

There is no need to struggle to be free;the absence of struggle is in itself freedom

I am currently reading this book and I am totally immersed in it. I don't know when last I enjoyed reading a non-fiction book so much. I haven't put it down since I started it and have been writing down quotes after quotes...I actually slept on the train on the way home with a smile on my lips. Truly gratifying!

Ignore the "look inside" and see book here

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Maddy and John

Today is not a good day, for it is today that I learned that Maddy and John have broken up. I have not heard from them in three years. The last time I heard from them was when Maddy gave birth. John was beside himself with happiness, I drank wine on his behalf and I promised to come and see the baby one day...I never did and so three years went by. I was checking my mail today and saw a mail from another old friend of mine advising me to check my old mail box. My old mail box is the one that only very few people use...the people that I have a long history with. The people that I shared so much with and under so many years. People like Maddy and John.

I met Maddy and John almost ten years ago. I was twenty, I did not smoke and I did not drink. I knew who they were, the French couple that went everywhere together. Everybody knew who they were. They could often be heard arguing about politics and arriving or departing with rucksacks on their backs. It seemed they were determined to conquer all of Europe. I knew them because they were foreigners just like I was. We were all battling with a language that seemed to drive any sane person to drinking.

In the year that I moved into the house that would change my life, I was still a science student and hating every minute of it. I had been to the house many times before, as a guest. I drank my first vodka there and smoked my first cigarette there. I threw up for the first time there and also discovered I had good skills as a mediator, a role I soon became famous for in the house. I was the peace keeper, which was not an easy thing to do in a house full of young students of different nationalities. Tempers were often flared, mostly triggered by statements made by the French revolutionists, Maddy and John.

Maddy and John....who traveled to Bosnia to learn for themselves what the situation was because they could not believe the nationalist Croatians and Serbians of their conflicting stories.Maddy and John, who said they were going to see Istanbul and ended up living on a farm for six months...Maddy and John...who allowed me live in their flat in Paris for one month so "I could find myself"....Maddy and John who went to live in Zagreb for a year and then decided to move on to Finland....Maddy and John who have been together since they were teenagers...since Maddy had a scooter.

The day I moved into the house, I was not really sure who was living there and who was not. The house seemed to be a "stop over" house. I was promised a room of my own and told about the rent. The rent was nothing compared to what I had been paying earlier. Everybody in the house was on scholarship and making up our points was the biggest problem in our worlds. Apart from that,(the last minute frantic studying with cups of coffee) our days were spent drinking, smoking, arguing and...falling in love. Everybody wanted what Maddy and John had. Maddy and John were never on the same page in politics. If John understood the Croatians, then Maddy suddenly became a Serb patriot. You see...our house was a stronghold for the Croats, strong fierce students that had lived through the war and did not mind narrating the same stories every night...for years. It happened that we sometimes had Serbs in the house, after all, we were "love and peace", no discriminating. On such nights, my "peace keeper" role became very important

...Maddy and John...who came to visit me here...and Maddy told me she wanted a baby...and then left for Ecuador or was it Peru? Maddy and John who knew how to have sex "discreetly" in a room full of sleeping people...Maddy and John who were the last to get mobile phones.


In her mail, Maddy had said,"I know this comes as a shock".....

I looked at the mail and wondered, where did all those years go? Those years when we shared everything...we cooked together, ate together, washed our clothes together, smiled together, shared our dreams together....we took every student up on their invitations and traveled to Poland, Romania, Slovakia, Croatia...we spent many nights together huddled under blankets laughing for no good reason...and when they fought? We helped John search for Maddy on the streets(she had a habit of running off anytime they quarreled)we drank with him and waited for her. We watched them make up and smiled with satisfaction when we saw them arguing again. Maddy and John were meant to be. In our world where nothing was ever stable, Maddy and John was the constant in our lives. Even after ten years, conversations with long lost friends could never go wrong because even if we had nothing to say after all these years, we could always talk about the latest adventure of Maddy and John.

We were all going to meet again in 2010...a promise made after one wild night of drinking when we realized people were slowly moving out... after Natasha lost her scholarship in the art academy...we saw it happening...the drinking, the drugs, the "warnings" from the university piling up...until she left.

We were supposed to meet in front of the hostel where we had once all lived...the hostel before the house. It had been Maddy and John's idea. We had all signed the paper. In 2010 we would all meet, and we were sure Maddy and John would still be together...they were meant to be.

"I know this comes as a shock" she had written...I look at the recipients of the mail...she had sent the mail to every single one of us that had lived in the house. I could imagine Natasha having a heart attack, somewhere on the beach in Split. Martin, somewhere in Argentina, phoning John and saying "Hey man, this sucks". Tina in Romania drinking a sherry or something and exclaiming in that tiny voice of hers "Fuck!". Mary in Sophia, already planning a trip to France...God knows she will be of no help...Andy in Ukraine just smoking another joint and saying "Jah knows best". Greg in Greece will probably just phone Martin in Argentina and rant. Sasha in Saudi Arabia will...

...so many names, so many memories...so many years...

I compose myself and write.

"I think it is time for an intervention...."

After all, I was always the peace keeper...shit...I need a drink.

On the question of love...

SHAKESPEARE

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Friday, September 5, 2008

On the question of believing in yourself or having faith....take your pick.

Voice on phone: Hey waffy, guess what? Paul earned 1,500 dollars in one night!

Waffy: Wow! Thats really good. Good for him.

Voice on phone: and his girfriend is going back to school now...she is gonna do some economics stuff...two years...She's gonna increase her salary once that's done.

Waffy: Cool!

Voice on phone: Everybody chooses...you know...simple stuff...yours is so complicated.

Waffy: Are you comparing me with Paul's girlfriend?

Voice on phone: I am just saying...your things are always so complicated...unlike others...

Waffy: Honestly, I am not interested in the paths other people choose, I have chosen mine and that's what I am doing...and you shouldn't be jealous either... of other people, by the way.

Voice on phone: Well, its all about money, you know.

Waffy: Don't worry about my life okay? I am okay, I am fine. Find other things to be active in. Stop worrying about me. I'll talk to you later, bye.

Two minutes later, another phone call

Voice on phone: Is that waffy?

Waffy: Yes.

Voice on phone: Yeah, its me, you got the job.

Waffy: Yayyyyyyyyyyy!

And so you see people, fuck em mutherfuckers.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Nothing but a fool

You live your life in a state of shrugs
One more problem, one more shrug
You never create your own circumstances
but instead are ruled by circumstances
You never take a chance
but let everything happen by chance
Your life has become nothing but a series
of chances, coincidences and circumstances
You have become nothing but a fool.


Note:This was written in a dream. In my dream, I wrote this and read it out loud for a friend of mine. Anyway, I woke up and I actually remembered it. Yes, yes, even in my dreams, I am writing. Pity I can't remember everything I wrote in that great novel that won so many prizes!

Blast from the past.

It's been more than ten years since I left Nigeria and I remember those early years, alone in a foreign country, no friends, no family, no mobile phones.The mobile phone part is particularly important because if we had cell phones in Nigeria like we do now, I would not have been as lonely as I was. Anyway, during those early years, I spent a lot of time in the library. Reading or using the free internet. One of the sites that made me feel less lonely was this site. I used to go there and read the message board and laugh my heart out. Most of the messages then were from foreign women that had met Nigerian men and wanted to find out about Nigeria. Some asked for advice, others asked for recipes, or stupid questions such as "what are magi cubes and is there something similar in the United States?"(taken from the message board...one has to wonder the kind of men they are meeting...who can not explain what "maggi" is?)Of course, yours truly was a regular advice giver. Anyway, I stumbled across the site again and I was pleasantly surprised to see that even though the messages had dwindled, with mostly stupid adverts taking over, still, the site was still functioning. So, to the owner of that site, thank you for making a young girl's life less lonely.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Overhead conversations...

On the train, two women

Blonde one: So, when I went down, I met them at the entrance of the gym and then I said: "Yes! I have been unfaithful!"...you should have seen their faces...it was so funny!

Short haired one: (laughing): Thats too funny!

Blonde one: Ofcourse the next day, she came up to me and said "I did not mean it that way" and I said "Of course you didn't, but Its true, isnt it? I have been unfaithful". I mean, thats the truth.

On bus, two teenage boys

The one with shorts: I am not going to fast. I think its so false.

The other one:Does your brother fast?

The one with shorts: Yes, but I think its bullshit, cos afterwards he still goes and sees his girlfriend and all that. Its just bullshit. I am not going to fast. Everybody is so false.

On the bus, a woman and a man

Woman: I just can't do this anymore, I just can't, I have to go to work, take care of him, everything. I am too tired. I can't do it anymore.

Man: Yes, but yesterday I picked him up.

Woman: You think that helps for anything? I do this everyday. Go to work, then I have to rush to pick him up, then all the rest things...I can not do this by myself anymore. You have to help me. I am overwhelmed.

On the bus, two teenage girls

Blonde girl: So, like my hair is just this way, people ask me if I have a perm, but I don't, it just looks like I have. Like if you look here...its really straight. But I have done nothing to it.

Other girl: Mine too, it used to be really curly when I was young, but now..I think its thinning out.

Blonde girl: Mine too, it used to be so much fuller.