Thursday, August 30, 2012


 Yeah, I have returned all my books right on time! Yipppeeeeeeeeee, must be the first time in years I have done so. Its crazy. I have such a bad track record...I don't know why they keep letting me borrow books. I should be on some blacklist or something by now...

But hey...who cares? I'll be back there tomorrow.

I had quite a productive day. Work, then lunch, wrote a bit, listened to music, read. The day passed by really fast.  Next thing I know, I am back home. I am so thirsty these days...what's up with that? I wake up in the mornings  really really thirsty. I hate drinking water at night cos then you have to wake up to pee. Such a nuisance, so I just skip it, mostly.

Errrrrrrrrh, plus, seems my bad insomnia habits are creeping back in...I am up until three almost everyday which is not so good cos I am always tired at work. Fucking pain in the ass. Back to the gym, I guess...

Yeah, I am fine.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


I burnt the fucking past.

Did the hard work. Nobody's meditated, thought and analyzed life these past few years like I have done. I know exactly where I came from and I now know where I am going to be.

I am all healed.

Now can I go and get em?


Thursday, August 23, 2012

My world at this moment...

The television is on. I am not watching it.

My room feels empty again now that kramer is gone.

Its 3:12.

I made a painting of the dark clouds and a black high way running through it. I tried to make it rain but then it looked like the asphalt melted in the rain. The effect was good, I think.

I am learning all this from my friend who is an art teacher and a couple of books that I have borrowed. I can't remember the novel now, but in it, someone said her mother had learned how to swim by herself from a book she had borrowed from the library. I have always been impressed by that. I don't think I am going to be a genius at it but I should be able to express myself at least. That's all I want to be able to do.

I am reading "The world according to Garp" which I got as a present from Kr. Jesus! That book just never ends does it?

and this, is what I am listening to:

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Some kind of journey...

 I am always on a journey. Physically, mentally, spiritually.

It means a lot to me. I am happier when I am feeding my soul.

I am tired of human beings that never want to go deeper than the physical world. I don't want to be in shallow waters.

I am not ashamed of being this way. I want to be this way. Its the only way to be for me. Any other way and I don't feel free.

I want to always be free.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I woke up from a dream humming. My neighbor told me sometimes he hears melodies in his dreams and he wishes he knew how to write music so he could write the notes down.

I woke up from a dream.

There are some feelings you will never be able to describe, not in words, not in music, maybe not even in dance. How would it look like? Jumping, skipping, hands flaring, spinning, jumping again...

Maybe I could paint it? Then it would be yellow and purple...and yellow, yellow, yellow.

Maybe just having a smile all day would do.

And no, I did not have sex and neither am I on I wish I was though.

I am just...

I don't know. It was just a nice dream.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Leave me alone joh...

Feeling a bit non nonchalant about things these days....All I want to do when I come home is to be able to sleep and not lie awake thinking about all the loose ends I have to tie up. Exhaustion is a good way to do this. Or alcohol.

Anyway, despite the fact that alcohol is a very tempting option, I am proud to say I have chosen the high way/road/whatever. I hit the gym pretty hard after work everyday. By the time I get home all I want to do is eat and sleep. I can hardly do anything else anyway. So far, so good.

I havent been listening to the radio much these days cos they just play the same shit over and over again. Anyway, instead I just browse the internet trying to find songs that I once heard but never got the time to check it out again. This one I heard some time ago at a friends place. I knew it was John Legend but I had no idea what the name of the song was. To find that out, I went on google and wrote "John Legend song+reggae vibe" and viola! saw immediately a review that mentions a song with a reggae vibe. Google is wonderful.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Update, I guess...

Nothing much. Mostly been following the Olympics. Have been ill since I came back from the country side. Have been indoors and on facebook ( by the way, what's the deal with people quoting themselves on facebook? I swear, they put up a few miserable lines and then put their own names after the quote! If you have made it up, why not just let it be on your status update like normal? Why the need to put it in quotes and then your name after it as if its some bad-ass quotation that the whole world is gonna want to have? Its the stupidest shit I have ever seen...ego tripping ....) for 4 days now. But today I 'll try and resume normal activities of life, I don't want to waste the beautiful sunny days of August.

A bit inspired, not much, but its coming. I need to sort out my head before September. I cant have these thoughts swimming in my head. Time to get rid of them.

Been thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking...

I swear, I hate thinking. I wish I could stop thinking.

Otherwise, I am okay. Nothing noteworthy.  Been chatting a bit with an old friend. We are sometimes in touch quite intensely and then at other times we just disappear from each others lives. This is one of the intense periods, when I want to chat and talk with him ALL the time.

Meanwhile, anybody reading anything? Haven't bought anything recently so I am kinda dry...anyway, please suggest stuff.

Love to the crazy world. I have no idea what the hell I am doing here but yeah, gats to keep pushing, right?