Ain't nothing new!

Okay oh, all I am doing right now is relaxing with a bottle of wine and planning my lunch for tomorrow. Isn't that so blissful? Well, really, thats all I am doing. I am thinking of doing nothing at all...although truth is, I am a bit excited...about meeting up with some friends...I don't know why I always do this to myself, set myself up to be disappointed. Why can't i be calm like every other human being? Instead, I go about all giddy and happy...over excited...to meet a friend I have not seen in a while...I set up things we should do, things we should not do and things we definitely have to do! I set this all up and of course...I end up being disappointed when no one else shares my useless enthusiasm...well, well, not to worry, thats why wine will always be a faithful companion on nights like this, when nobody else sees just how great it is to be me! No, I am not drunk, I am just all warm and happy and a bit hungry... today has been a good day....really good. Hope you are all rocking life like you should be! What the hell, up, down, bla bla bla, thats life...ain't nothing new!


I might be a bit drunk though cos this post was meant to be all life and philosophy etc...I don't know what happened half way into it!

And please, nobody should leave any useless message about how their life is fucked up cos their spouse is a drunk, etc...ain't nothing new there either!

The nonchalant "hi" (cos i just can't come up with a damn title)

There are so many reasons why she should have ignored me...but none came to mind at the moment. I say my usual "hi", the polite one that I fling at all and none...the one devoid of any feeling or sentiment...she looks right through me...she did not acknowledge my presence, and I did not mind. Talking to her was like embarking on a journey of meaningless puzzles with no destination or end. The last time I had talked to her, this is what had taken place, not exactly, but almost. One never forgets such conversations, stored away for future "ponderings"...let’s call her Edith...

Edith: Are u going this way?

Me: ehhh, yes

So, we get on the same train...and I know, even before she opens her mouth that it was going to be a fucking long ride.

Edith: I wrote a play

Me: That's good...

Silence....It was getting into one of those long ones that u know can only end badly, so I decide to say something

Me: Eh...so, your play, what's it about?

Edith: I don't think its appropraite to talk about it...

She looks around the carraige like people were eavesdropping or something but we were the only ones there, the nearest man was fast asleep with an ipod or walkman or whatever people use

Me: Ehhhh, okay.

Silence

Edith: The thing is, I hardly know you, and you are asking me all these questions, you know, It's my play, and it is very...

She looks at me in anguish

Me: Oh, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I just thought you wanted to, since you mentioned it.

Edith: It's just that it's such a private question to ask in a public place, you know...

By this time, my mind had long wondered off and my thoughts somewhere else, far away from this woman sitting opposite me, my interest in her was polite...a treat to her as a human being.

Edith: I mean, this play is you know, a very private thing...it's like asking me to reveal myself, I mean, how would you feel if someone asked you about your writings...in the metro...I just think this is not the right place.

Me: Yeah, you are right.

Edith: I mean, it's me inside you know...

Me: Of course.

Edith: I just can't talk about something so private...it is like opening myself...

Me: Yeah, I know.


Edith: It’s a fantasy world, for children...I don't know if you will understand it...maybe you will think I am weird...

Me: What?

Edith: It’s a fantasy world, set in the forest, and there is this girl called....

This woman now proceeds to launch into some kind of tale for thirty minutes...thirty fucking minutes...about a fantasy forest and conversations between children, very detailed and all. Just before I get off the train...I ask

"So, what's the name of the play?"

Edith: It’s not like I don't want to tell you, but I just feel like its such a personal question, you know.


Yes. So, imagine when she sent me a mail, with different dates with theatre productions, asking what time would be suitable for me so we could go together? It was so unfortunate but none of the times stretched over a three week period was convenient. I was busy beyond busy, with no time to even eat...that is what I told her...I am so very sorry but it is impossible...well, that was a shame she said, she thought we had "hit it off" and enjoyed our conversation on the train...

And now, she has refused to return my nonchalant "hi" and for this Lord, I will always be grateful for.

Dear Andora

I am sorry I was not there. I am so sorry. I wish there was something else I could say, but I know I have let you down again.
Please Forgive me.



Dear Valentine,

I waited until the very end. Even though the guards told me there was no chance you would come...I took a chance anyway, just in case they felt pity for me and allowed you out even for a few minutes. I do not know if I dare to ask why you are in isolation again and I do not know when next I can come out there. My sister gave me the money for the bus ride, like she has done so many times before. I have no money, no job....I am sorry, all this is not your fault, I just wish I could get a job soon so I can stop depending on everybody else...I am sorry if I sound mad, its just that I wanted so much to see you and you were not there.

I love you so much

Dear Valentine

It is kind of sad isn't it? This selective memory business? we choose the sweetest memories and leave out those bitter sour ones...but you were all sweet. So sweet that you did not even know....Oh please! why would you think I am talking about you?

Why would you think that you made me happy? ah! You never believed that anyway...that you made me happy...those simple things? a kiss on the forehead? a cup of tea? holding hands? how can anybody be happy from those little things?

Oh, and now I am writing on my blog about those ridiculous little things... I can see you smiling to yourself...my method of communication now totally amusing...but what else do you want me to do? After all, you do not believe in this valentine business...I sent you a card...you never even opened it. Ah! You thought I did not know? That really hurt me you know, if only you had seen what I wrote in it! But now, you will never know.

Did you think of me yesterday? It was such a lovely day! the sun was out and my yellow lillies looked so pretty. No, I did not plant them, they were just there all of a sudden.

I thought of you yesterday, you and those bushy eye brows of yours!

I've got to go now, just wanted to drop a quick note.

Me ofcourse, who else?



Dear Andora,

A quick note? Surely, that was more of a letter. I will kiss your forehead anytime my precious, will hold your hand and make hundreds of cups of tea...all standing on one leg....I miss you my darling. Lets talk no more of the lost card, I never got it and would have opened it if I did. Can't wait to see you on Saturday. Wear that green dress will you? It brings out your eyes.

Me.

An empty battlefield....

Poor you! In desperation you stand,
Alone, on an empty battle field
You must take your last stand
So you stand with your sword and shield
You get ready your victory band
and will an invisible enemy to yield
With nothing but desperation for a bandstand,
you stand alone on an empty battle field.

Is it too early for this video on a wednesday morning at 07:25?

Okay, make I dey go. Una do well.

Love Is My Religion

Free spirits must soar! Happy Week!

Too old....for what?

Isn't it funny how a picture can sometimes remind you of how old you are? or worse still, remind you of how old others are. Recently, I came across some pictures of some friends on facebook. They were all dressed rather...ehhhh "skimpy". Their poses were secondary school poses...I don't know I can explain it...I will try...You know the sort of pose you did with your babes back in secondary school with everybody doing their best pout and showing off whatever asset you had to the fullest? Well, it was those sort of poses. The funny thing is I do love taking pictures with my friends and I don't know if there is a certain rule when you get older...other than being dignified....how can I explain this? I'll leave it to your imagination.

Anyway, so here I am looking through these pics and feeling a bit ashamed...don't ask me why, its not as if I am in there...so I call a friend of mine and before I say anything, she says out loud what I had been thinking "aren't they too old for all that?", and I agreed. I guess I was embarassed by the childish picture of 30 something year old women revealing their assets in such a public forum. Now, considering that I must be the most liberal person I know, I was surprised that it bothered me. So, being that I am never one to shy away from confronting my thoughts, I wrote a list of different observations...I guess I have a somewhat "old" prejudice.

1.And this gets me everytime. I can't stand rappers over 35. Anytime I see Dr dre, Ice cube, Jay Z, Snoop Dog...damn...I get irritated immediately.I know many people would say Rap should be treated as any other genre of music. After all, jazz and classic music are full of old men. The thing is, my brain just does not get the whole baseball shirts and hanging jeans. Maybe its because I never lived in the states, I don't know. I just think they should all retire and start producing or something.

2.I was at a wedding once and saw an older woman, maybe about 56 or so, she was wearing the most beautiful iro and buba, a bit too open at the front, but that did not even disturb me, what disturbed me was the make-up she had on her face. The colours! Oh Lord, the colours! I know the only reason I reacted was because she was older...I doubt if I would have looked twice if the make-up was on a 16 year old, as I would have just put it all down to trial and error, but on a woman over 50, I wondered how long she had been going around like that.

3. Okay, this one really annoys me and both men and women are fond of doing this. Is it really by force to "feel among"? You know the type, 40 something year old, wants so much to still be in the "in" crowd so decides to start hanging out with younger folks. They also love talking about the latest films, music, fashion, trends(the ones that in his/her mind are so "in") and end up making a total fool of themselves. Well, I do have younger friends and I do take the occasional coffee and drink with them but I always know my place...yep, I have done it all before... and I am so happy to have left that phrase of my life behind, so I do not have any need to hang on...it was fun while it lasted.


Sometimes I think society has changed....it has to be...I was thinking, what did my father do when he was 40? Well, apart from his wife and children, job and different social responsibilities...what else did he do? He was a very social human being like I am and our house was always open to friends and relatives....his friends visited with their own families...we had family outings...we travelled together....what else? He read newspapers, had political discussions with friends....watched news...did our homework...went to the village to visit his mum...went out on dinners with my mum...was a member of rotary and redcross...what else? Okay, I really can't remember him having the lifestyle a lot of men and women are living in our society...wait...I do remember him having younger friends...but mostly people looking for jobs or advice or help in one thing or the other...

Well, I guess times have changed then...the days of agbayas are now in. So the next time you go to facebook and see a friend of yours on a table with outlandish make-up, pls, do not judge, times have changed.

Questions: What did your parents do when they were 40 or older? What do you think the differnce is between their society and ours? Is it that they just did not know how to have fun? Were they just weighed down with so many responsibilities that they never had the time? Or did they have fun too but not the way we do these days?

They've gone nuts in that country!

Please read this and tell me if this is not one of the most ignorant shit you've come across. And if that does not show the kind of illiterates we have in our so called government, then please see this nonsense as well. All a bunch of ignorant human beings.


STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHT!!!

Soul Rebel

My usual insomia...so here I am writing....a few thoughts. I am one of those people that can hear a song and remember what stage of life that music defined for me. Abba and Boney M always give me a warm and cosy feeling, memories of my childhood always wrap me up anytime their songs come on. Nigerian highlife music reminds me of my dad on sunday mornings and buying petrol. Tupac Shakur, Snoop Dog and rap in general reminds me of my brother who killed us with rap and swear words during his teenage years.Then comes reggae....I will always have a soft spot in my heart for all things rasta cos music was the only thing that kept me going in a foriegn country, without language, friends or family. Everyday, I would listen to Bob Marley, and know that I can face another day. It was one of the loneliest times in my life...and one of the best times, cos all I did was listen to music and read. Funny how uncomplicated life is when humans are not involved. That period soon came to an end as it was supposed to. Soon enough, friends became family and letters on paper became words spoken. Still, anytime I find myself alone, I am not too far from music....not too far from melodies that can take me away to any time I want, all I have to do, is listen.

I leave you all with "soul rebel", the music that always made my soul strong when others misunderstood me, thought me a strange creature....no, I am not, let me be, let me go on my own adventure in life...my path is not always the same as the world's...fuck them all.

House number 21

The sound of the car was getting nearer, Funke could recognise the clinking sounds of the metal box her husband called a car. She got up from the chair she was sitting and looked through the window. A girl was crossing the road by the side of the house. She had a tray on her head, balanced on a fold of wrapped cloth. She saw her husband stop his car and call out to the girl. She saw him buy two mangoes and then quickly squeeze the supple buttocks of the young girl as she turned around. For a second, it looked as if the young girl would shout but her opened mouth formed a smile instead as she saw the two hundred naira thrown by her husband at the side of the road. Funke hissed and walked into the kitchen where water was boiling on the stove. It was not long before she heard him dragging his calloused feet on the floor. She heard the TV being turned on and the sound of his heavy feet on the table. She quickly made the eba, put it on a plate and heaped a generous amount of vegetable stew beside it. There was no meat or fish in it. She walked in and placed the food on top of a stool.

"You are welcome"

"Eba again?" he asked, ignoring the greeting of his wife and washing his hands in a bowl that she had placed beside the stool.

"That is all we have at home"

"Didn't you get salary this month? don't tell me you have already used it all up"

Funke thought about asking him about the salary that he never had, the one that never came in every month, but instead she said

"Don't forget you borrowed half of it for your latest project"

"Why did you say "borrowed" in that way? this project, let me tell you,it will be greater than anything. You are laughing at me now, but you will see, very soon, my name will be on the lips on everyone"

Funke did not say anything. She took the remote control and absent mindedly began flipping the channels. She had heard it all before. He had been involved with numerous projects, one after the other for more than twenty years now. She looked at her forty something year old husband and studied him carefully. His face was oval shaped, a wide nose and thick lips. She looked at his flabby arms and his round stomach which was in full view as he had taken off his shirt in the heat. It heaved with every swallow he took. She was repulsed. She got up to leave and was at the door when he called her

"By the way is there any money left in this house?"

"I just told you there is nothing, why?"

"We need some more money for the printing"

"I don't have any more money"

Janet Jackson ft. Missy Elliott - Son Of A Gun

The healing process...

I have decided to embark on a thorough healing process of my soul. Not because anything special happened, its just that I have been feeling very happy lately despite the fact that I have been quite ill and been suffering from bouts of migraines and insomnia. So, my physical health is in the dumps. My eyes hurt from writing at nights, my ass hurts from sitting still for too long and the right side of my brain is being attacked with a hammer. So, my physical health needs a lot of work.

However, my spiritual health is on the mend. I am getting to the core of my soul again...the last time I was so in tune with myself was when I was probably high on something so many years ago...I guess sometimes you need a bloody wake-up call louder that a fucking church bell to get you back in focus. Warning bells....they fucking rang so loud and then knocked my head and heart out.

So, for no other reason than the fact that I am high on life, I am starting a process for my soul. This is how I started this morning. I walked to the mirror, I looked at my face properly,(I was surprised to see tears in my eyes) and I said:

I love you. The best thing I love about you is your heart and soul. You always seek the truth and the truth shall set you free.You know how to love and how to care, but you have never done that to yourself. Now, I promise to love you as you have loved others, I promise to care for you as you have cared for others. From now on, I will be your best friend. You are a great human being and I love you.


Then, I made a meal of vegetables and eggs, sat down and enjoyed myself.

That's what Oprah does to you.

Room at the top

The last movie I watched in the cinema was 10,000 bc. I thought the whole thing was funny, in fact that's what happens to me in cinemas. I end up laughing like a fool, I find alot of movies amusing. I keep imagining how they constructed the scenes, I keep looking at the extras, the different props, the lights, the flowers etc... keep thinking of how fake it all is... I especially enjoy it when they have a scene thats supposed to be in another part of the world, like Africa, I enjoy finding the clues that say this is so not Africa.... most of the time, they always fuck up with the vegetation...they use the same shit for Asia for Africa. Anyway,thats not what this post is about. This post is about how I just love those good old movies. I love them. The only problem is I never remember the names, but today, I remembered it. It is such a good movie, "room at the top". The director is Jack Clayton, and it was made in 1958. Well, those that love old movies, this one is a good one, check it out.

Some kind of beauty

For Londonbuki

Every monday we followed her story
followed some kind of beauty
some kind of heart that held all that beauty
some kind of soul that never gave up
Is this what love is?
A story of beauty, of heart and soul?
Is this what it is to be loved?
Every monday, she was there
and her story lives on
in all of us that saw that beauty