The morning was cold.I walked down a street in a town that I once knew so well. A town where I once smoked Marlboros and ate cheap breakfasts. My hands in my pockets, I walked as fast as I could, to the train station which seems to be my new residence. I am always coming or going from it. I missed the train. I got a cup of coffee and a croissant. That’s what you do when you are extremely broke. Even in your "brokeness" you must preserve your dignity. My friend calls to see if I got the train. "No", I reply, I missed it...I inform her I am drinking coffee and waiting for the next train. She thinks it’s because of the coffee that I am late. I find it funny that she does not believe me. I laugh...even though all I want to do is cry. The train journey goes by fast and before I know it,my hands are clenched in my jacket pockets again and I hiss loudly at the cold breeze that welcomes me into my city.
My hands were shaking and I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as I looked through my things...chewing gum...gym cards...stolen sweets...all from a different time and space. I emptied the pockets of an old bag and was wondering just how old the chewing gum was when I saw it...a card...with a picture of a little boy hung with pegs on a clothes line."Hang in there" it said...I opened the card with curiosity and in it, was written, with a red pen:
This is my little way of saying I am here for you. I'm sorry life is being shitty at the moment but keep your head up and please don't hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do. Wish I had a magic wand and we could just make our own little world with only nice people in it. I am so thankful for your friendship, I know you can get through this. You are one of the strongest women I've ever met.
Fuck the world,
Fuck all the mean
sour, negative people-
YOU are what's important and YOU deserve to be happy!
Jojo does not live in this country anymore and the card must have been more than three years old.
At first, I thought I would curl up and cry, with the card and the bag in my hands...I thought I would think of all my friends that are no longer here with me...I thought I would think of friendships and just how fragile they are...
But the card had said "hang in there"....I lifted my head up and did what I had come to do in this cold city. My heart felt warm and light and my back felt straighter. If she thought all that of me, then I am not going to let her down.
I am going to fucking hang in there! Clothes line, pegs and all!