Its October already???

My continous struggle with understanding life continues. I hardly smelt the grass and now its all gone. I went shopping with a friend of mine, and as she tried the clothes, we could not help but wonder if she indeed needed so many clothes. We both came to the conclusion that while it was really unnecessary, one has to look good enough to fit in society. Hey...thats what its all about isn't? Wearing clothes that people would at least respect you in. Nobody likes a loafer. Yeah, we bought the damn clothes and felt guilty afterwards. I have been living almost in seclusion with just books. A friend of mine thinks I should be banned from buying more books, I buy books the way girls in London shop for clothes. Twice a week or more, and it does not help that there is a book store right next to the platform where I take my train...it does not help at all. I need to buy more clothes. Spend money on underwear and girly stuff, but I don't. I dont feel too good this morning as I am preparing for work. A good friend of mine just called. One of his best friends is dead. He committed suicide. "But he just had a baby!" I screamed. Screaming does not help, he is gone and my friend is in pieces. I don't understand many things in the world. He was a good guy. Met him so many times in dinner parties, christmas parties, new year's and any other occasion that my friend had...I am trying to remember him now...and I can see him smiling. I don't know why he did it but I understand. Sometimes the grass goes away and you never even smelt it. I hope he is in peace now.