Thinking...

We have seen some suffering baby...

But that's life.

The tune in my head...

Been cooking and listening to this...and drinking liquor...

My stuff...

I read...
I walk...
I write...
I eat fruits...
I listen to music...
I think about lots of stuff...

I don't meet too many people...
I don't talk to too many people...

I basically hang around with myself...and I don't care anymore what the couples around me think. I smile at them when I see them passing me by, hand in hand. Nobody ever stops to chat but we recognise ourselves from the lift, staircase and little shop nearby.

At first, I used to be so conscious of them looking at me, wondering what I am to, again...

But somehow, these weeks, I have become totally oblivious about most things around me...

Anyway, thats it.

P.S: Ventured out to the city on my cycle again even though I had thought I wouldn't be doing anymore of that this week. Its a wild wild west out there...

I am too complicated...

I can't stop it...

Today...

2 hours on bicycle to my friend's place on the other side of town.

Had lunch. Drank lots of coffee so I don't sleep on the way back. Left her place by 7o'clock.

Got home by 9:30.

So many dangers on the way. Other cyclists speeding like no man's business. People on their phones not paying attention to where they are going. Old people. Cars trying to park and almost hitting cyclists. Buses. Taxis.

Lord have mercy.

I was forced to get down many times and walk cos everybody just seemed to be crazy this evening.

At one point, there were two cyclists talking and cycling side by side blocking the narrow cycling path while a third who was also with them was on the phone and zig zagging beside them so I could not get past any of them because beside the two idiots talking were cyclists coming from the opposite direction. To top it all, we got to a crossing where an old couple was trying to make it to the other side while at the same time a taxi was trying to turn or something...

I was wondering if they were all normal...for real...was I the only one seeing that this was a potential accident? What is wrong with these people?

I made it back home safely but it took total concentration not to hit someone or get hit by another.

Oh boy...

The good news is that I don't have bed bugs at my place! Yipeeeeeeeeee. There was a scare earlier this year going around cos some guys down the corridor had beg bugs so now they are checking the whole building. I have to admit, I have been living in a state of paranoa since then...any itch I get, I begin to think I have bed bugs...any little bite, bed bugs, any sleepless night, bed bugs.

And now, they tell me, they is no trace of such...

and I fell in love with one of the bed bug guys...

Damn...I kept asking questions so they won't go away...and I think he could guess cos he was also just taking his time to answer my extremely stupid questions. I seriously don't know how to flirt...I made a damn fool of myself.

But damn, that guy was cute.

Thinking of...

Life. And love.

Still going...

With this beautiful weather has come my companion, insomnia. Even though I actually try to do lots of stuff during the day so I can be really tired when I get home, still, all night, I toss and turn until I finally give up and just sit up.

Yesterday, I tried everything possible (except sleeping pills) but nothing worked. If this keeps up, my brain is going to reverse back to its usual destructive tendencies...

However, I am grateful for many things this week. I have been admiring myself this week. In fact, I am in awe of myself. When I think about how strong I have been this year, facing up to stuff and really trying my best despite all my crap,(emotional baggage, insomnia, past, mind always on fast foward, worry about future, sensitivity, dreadful migraines etc) I can't help but feel quite happy and grateful that I am who I am.

I am not perfect but I wouldnt want to be anybody else.

The only thing I need to do is perhaps socialize more. But I am really trying my best. And later, I will be with my family so its not so bad. That will make up for these days of being totally alone.



Yep, I just have to keep going...is there any other alternative?

The only thing on radio is:

At any given time, it does not matter when, this summer, the only thing on radio is this:



Or



Or this



Or



Or

Listening to...

She always makes me feel like I am in a dream world or something...all I wanna do now is drink a cocktail and wear some fancy dress with red lipstick...

Cool...

Nothing much...listening to music...old and new...

I am okay. A bit slow these days...a bit bored...I need some new books or something...

Any suggestions? Anything new and exciting out there? anything worth reading?