Relax...

Need to eat.

Need to write.

Need to answer mails.

Need to send packages.

Headache.

Need to go shopping.

Need to exercise.

Need...

But I am just gonna relax men...gonna go find something to eat.

Just another stranger...

What if, I say to him right now, "what's your name?", just like that. Out of no where. This passenger sitting next to him just asks him his name. What would he say? Will he be surprised. Will he ask, "why?".

I will tell him it's an experiment. I just want to see if he would naturally just answer, without thinking it was strange.

He would be familiar in my company and just answer.

And then we would chat like old friends.

Maybe share a couple of laughs.

Maybe we will talk all the way and not even notice the streets or the snow or the gravel or the driver's blasting Arab music. Maybe we will have such a good time that we would both tumble out of the bus in laughter, barely breathing, like this was the funniest journey ever.

"Sorry....excuse me" I said.

He looked startled. Like he could not believe I was getting off.

I looked back to see if he would look back as well. He didn't. He was once again in his world of music, like he had been the whole journey, the wires from his ear phones trailing down his neck.

He did not know of this wonderful journey we just had together. He did not know of the laughter, the joy.

He did not give a fuck.

Busy Bee...

I have been quite busy lately. Which just means one thing for my blog: DRY.

Yep, I have nothing but dryness to report which is a good thing I think since that just means there is no drama to report.

Everybody around me is busy as well so I predict this blog will go through a spell of dryness for some time.

A friend of mine recommended Nawal El Saawdawi's Zina: The stolen novel so just started that. It seems to be promising. I'll read a bit more before I go to bed tonight.

Also reading The monk who sold his Ferrari but just started that as well...so we'll see. Sometimes I read two or more books at a time cos they are needed for different situations. One for public transportation ie in my everyday bag and the other by my bedside and sometimes one for back up just in case I get bored I can have an alternative....sometimes for no reason at all, just because they are there and I am curious.

Met a very unusual person who is quite quiet but if you speak to him then he says all sorts of interesting stuff. However, if you don't ask him anything he just stays mute and almost goes unobserved.

Cone head.

I did what I always did when I got scared. Pretended that I was part of a documentary movie and somebody was right there with me, watching every cowardly move I might take. Other people know Jesus is with them and say his name over and over again but what do I do? I pretend I am in a movie and very soon I will be at the bus stop and then I don't have to pretend anymore.

I don't know why I had left earlier than usual, I knew I would have to wait for ten minutes but I did not want to be late and miss the bus. The earlier the better. I went into the metro station. It was dead. The ticket collector(or operator or whatever her official title is) was trying to get the automatic doors to close. They were open all the time now, perhaps made useless by the freezing temperatures. I did not blame her for trying even though I could see it was a hopeless case. The wind was biting and being totally evil. I could hardly feel my cheeks or lips or nose. I could feel the hairs in my nose freeze...four more minutes.

A train arrived. People came rushing out, running to the bus stop. Dumb asses, you have four minutes. Whats the hurry? To stand there and feel your nose hair freeze?

One minute left.

I walked back to the bus stop. The people there looked like they all hated each other. Good. I hate you all too, I felt like saying. You hate me, I hate you.

The bus crawled in. I said hi to the driver, as usual, nobody else had said any form of greeting. No wonder I hated them, impolite human beings.

A man looked up at me alarmingly when I entered and started smiling. Nothing funny here, stranger. Mind your own cold business.

The ride.

Jogged to my building. Got in the lift. Looked at myself in the mirror. What a fucking mess! Whatever I had on my head looked like a huge white cone. Jesus. No wonder that man had looked at me with alarm. He was right to smile. I looked like somebody that had just stepped off a space ship.

I wish I had a...

A higher calling...

Education.

Africa is doomed without it.

On my mind...

Insomnia.

Love.

Freedom.

Heartbreak.

Clouds.

Silk

Silk Clouds?

Writing.

Dark Chocolate.

Snow

Washing powder.

Sleeping pill?

Sleeping pill.

Good night.

Sunday night....

Back on track...

I am keeping it simple people.

I will only do the best I can do every single moment of my life and not put so much pressure on myself.

I don't why I do this. Lord knows I am seriously trying to be "light" in life but I am the way I am. I don't know why stuff affects me so deeply.

But I need to be "lighter". My friend Tina says I can start by letting my hair loose once in a while and not always have it in a tight bun.

So that's a starting point.

Just cos...

This song always makes me smile...I guess I must somehow force myself out of this cocoon of existential thoughts I seem to be trapped in.

I need to let it all go and just...I don't know...live with it.

So...this weekend I will just try to keep it light and not bother too much about the misery in life.

Let me go look for happy songs...Jesus.