I woke up this morning with the feeling of irritation on my skin. The sun had revealed how much dust was on my bookshelves and the sight disgusted me. I felt a sense of panic, my back began to itch, as if the dust was on my back and not on the shelves. I ran to the bathroom and scrubbed my skin until the itch disappeared.
A normal person would immediately begin to do something about the bookshelves. Not me, I began to prepare my escape from the shelves and the dust. I dressed up as quickly as I could, gulped my coffee and took the stairs two at a time. By the time I sat on the bus, I was calm again and life did not seem so itchy.
I met a man for lunch. There is an unseen magnet between us, drawing us to each other, no matter the circumstances. At the same time, our life circumstances make it impossible for us to be together. There is always an intensity that makes the soul more vulnerable. Looking into his eyes, hurts my eyes. Maybe in another time and place things could have been. Maybe we have missed our chance. Nobody is prepared to make the sacrifice needed for us to be together. We are both on journeys and let it not be said that one did not allow the other to reach long awaited destinations. Perhaps that is the sacrifice we each have to make? To let ourselves go, despite the unyielding force of the magnet? Love can come in many shapes and forms. Letting go can also be an act of love.
Spring is on the way, and it brings the promise of newer things. When I look back at this time in my life, I will remember many things. The promise of love, the bonds of friendship and sisterhood, the gripping hold of insomnia, the end of fear of the end, the strong will of freedom and the promise that my life will never be a consolation to those who did not pursue their own dreams. I therefore, must succeed. Failure, is not an option.
There are many sacrifices to be made and many, I have already made. But there is still more to come and that too, I must be prepared for.
So here's to those of you that struggle in long journeys. Life will never give us all that we want. We all, must choose. Some choices are harder to make than others. Make the choices you can live with, but above all, be true to yourself.