I will miss you when you go...

He was taking stuff off the walls...I paced back and forth...watching him...

"I don't understand why you are packing now...you still have three weeks...who will give me coffee when You are gone?" I asked

"Then you will just have to come and visit me" he replied

"You will visit me cos now you wont have a proper kitchen" I said.

"You won't be here anyway" he said, removing more nails from the walls

"Is there anything here you want? a collection of national geographic?"

"Please! I have way too many books and shit...I don't want more books and mags" I replied, following him around as he put things in boxes.

"Oh, by the way, I know something you can have, I have a gift for you" he said

"Oh, what is it? a gift? for me?"

"Yes, I saw something that made me think of you so I bought it for you" he said.

"How interesting! what is it?"

He walked to a cupboard, brought out two bangles and reaching for my hand, he gently put them through...

"Ha! you liar! you did not get them for me, you got them for some girl and now you changed your mind and you are giving them to me"

He did not turn back as he took down more pictures off the wall...

"No, I got them for you. Its a gift"

"Oh..."

"So did you want coffee?"

"Anything sweet?"

"Tea?"

"Nahhhhhh"

"Carbonated water? I can put lemon in it?"

"Ok"

We drank the water in silence.

"I need to go get something from the shops" I said

"I need to read" he replied.

I walked quickly home. In my room I looked at the bangles. Nobody had given me a gift just because...for a long time. The bangles were brown, with some sort of white splashes on them. Its the kind of thing I would have bought for myself. That he knew me so well made me smile. I sent a text.

"Thank you for the bangles"  it said. "They are perfect".

Moving again!

Yep, that's right people, this woman is on the move again, lol...I know what you are thinking, does this human being not miss stability? security?

Nope. Time to shake things up. Life has been too dry these past years, reading my blog you might disagree but I promise you that I have spent way too much time in my head and brain, weaving another life that might not be so out of reach after all.

Yep, somebody told me that I have to live life with "bravado", everybody is afraid of the unknown but better to try at least. If only she knew how waking up each day for me is an act of bravery...lol.

P.S: Once again, let me assure all those who suffer from a broken heart, all those who think they will never meet anybody like "that" again. Believe me, its only because you are not meeting enough people. There are millions of people in the world, chances that you will not meet more people better than that loser is quite slim. People come and people go. Let them go in peace, I beg you. Life is too big and too much to revolve around one person. There is so much to do and many more fantastic human beings out there to meet, others will come in if you let them.

Of course, as you all know, I am the heroine of  all things miserable so believe me, I will not lie to you. Time heals everything. I am the broken bird that has been crushed way too many times and still, "I arise!"  lol.

Love you all. Keep living, keep loving, let the bullshit go.

Home- Near, far and everything in between.

I know the system, I get off the plane and I fit in with my jeans and trainers, I look back at the overdressed Nigerians, in pumps, gold necklaces, white suits, their Sunday best...they are traveling abroad. I look back and laugh as I casually fit in with the backpackers in sandals, looking for the next gate. This is why you should wear something comfortable so you can jog to the next gate and also in case the plane crashes. I walk out of the plane, I know no one is waiting for me. At the corner of my eye I see a placard "welcome home Pablo", fuck Pablo. I walk briskly to the ticket machine and buy my ticket. Everything works. I know this place. I am certain of everything but what am I doing here?

The silence, the peace, no loudspeakers warnings about "thunder and fire" and the end of the time. Its peaceful. My life is peaceful, everything works here you know. It fucking functions!!!

But...but...over there, where the trees are green, they are so green, and the smell of the earth, it smells of rain... there...people call and ask "where you dey?" people invite me for naming ceremonies, dedications, marriages, birthday parties, thanksgiving ceremonies, "get-together"s. You go for a party and as you leave, you get an invitation to another. There is a never ending circle of parties and functions.

I dump my suitcases on the floor of my bedroom. I lie down on my bed. What the fuck am I doing here?

My skin is back to normal, no more bubbles of sweat and the constant wet skin. No more sneezing and watery eyes. No dust. My network connection is the fastest it can be. Come on, what do you expect?

I look through my phone...The pain had returned. That sharp pain that left my chest as the plane landed in Warri  had returned again. Shit! Does it only disappear in Africa? Crap.

I decide to go for a walk. It is hot and nobody is smiling or waving at me. Nobody stops me on the road to ask "how is your mother?", I get to the shop with no interruptions.  I buy "cherry coke" and return to my apartment. I stare at the ceiling.

But I am telling you, things work here. There is constant light, the water...its the best in the world, straight from the tap, there are no potholes on the road, look, I left my bicycle out all winter and now its summer, its still there. You can't understand it. You can't.

I am far, I am near, I am no where.