Thursday, December 19, 2013

Short hair.

I decided at the last minute to go to the gym. I hastily packed my bags and as I put my ear phones on, I felt good, like I was doing something that deserved applause if I had an audience. Half way on the journey, I suddenly remember that I had not taken any underwear with me. The worst thing in life is wearing sweaty underwear or socks after you have had a relaxing time in the sauna and showers. God forbid bad thing. H&M is never too far away and I decide to stop and buy a pair.

I buy the underwear and remember that there was actually a short way to get to the gym from that shopping mall. I could go out through another entrance instead of going back down and through the tunnel.

As I walk towards the door, I see a familiar face, its a lady I used to know from a meditation center. Her mother was a regular at the meditation center as well and she would often come with her to meditate. Last time I saw her she was heavily pregnant but now here she was, looking extremely exhausted but pushing a stroller with a baby in it. At first I don't recognize the woman beside her, but as I hug the lady, I see that the woman beside her is her mother, except now with very short hair and looking very different. It looked like she had aged twenty years. I hug her too and I touch her hair and say,

 "Oh wow, you cut your hair" I said

" have not seen this? I have cancer, its just growing out again" she replied

The last time I saw either of them was last winter. I had volunteered to help out with a meditation retreat because they were short of people. I was not a member and neither was I very active in  the center, I was simply one of those people that appeared and disappeared at will. Depending on who you talk to at the center, some would say I have been there for years and some might have never met me. I had worked then with the lady and her mother, helping the participants, cleaning and making sure the retreat was working smoothly. I don't even remember how we said goodbye when the whole thing was over.

All these thoughts flashed through my mind as she said those words.

I must have looked totally shocked because then she said,

"You don't need to look so devastated" she said with a bit of irritation or anger in her voice, I wasn't sure which but I understood that she did not want me to offer any kind of "oh I am so sorry"

Her daughter saves the day by saying "we should have coffee sometime"

"Yes of course" I say

"Not next week because we are going to the country side but after that" the mother says, again, I sense anger or something...something that was never there before last winter.

I hugged them both and attempted to behave normally which was what she wanted, I guess. I did not say "I am so sorry" but I tried to say it with my hug and I hope she understood.

When I got to the gym, it was packed filled with people.

The music started and jumping up and down, I imagined her looking in and seeing me doing these ridiculous steps.

Yeah, I did my steps, I jumped up and down and I even sang along to "la la love"


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