Monday, May 14, 2007

Mr Okolo and I

" Waffy!,Mr. Okolo is coming, hide quickly!"
Who did not have that one uncle who would practically break his neck to inform your parents of anything you did? Good or bad? Mr. Okolo tormented my childhood and till today, I still wake up with beads of sweat rolling down my back when I think of him and all the different scrapes I had with him.The nightmares never went away, I was traumatised for life.Mr Okolo was the "amebo/aproko/oversabi/ITK" and a list of other names too cruel to mention, that was his sole purpose in life. I do not know if he had a job but one thing was for sure, he managed to pop up wherever we were not supposed to be. Mr Okolo was an expert at appearing and disappearing and as a child, I was convinced he had magic powers.

One day, after my father left to buy his Sunday newspapers and my mother had her usual lie in, I decided to leave the house in my pyjamas and stroll around the neighbourhood, just for fun. It was seven o'clock in the morning and I thought it would be fun to arrive later at home and inform my brothers and sisters that I had sneaked out of the house without my parents knowledge.This would have given me a lot of respect at the age 7 yrs and the plan was full proof! I took off as soon as I heard my fathers worn out 504 and was enjoying a peaceful stroll around the block untill I heard
"Ah, ah? Is that not Waffy?"

I tried to hide but it was too late, Mr. Okolo had caught me.

"Ah ah? Where are you coming from? Are your parents at home? Why are you still in your pyjamas? Has something happened? Am I not talking to you? Are you deaf? See this girl oh!!! Heeeeeeeeeey! Answer me! Where are your slippers? Heeeeeeeeeeey! Look at you! Look at your hair! Eeeehhhhhn so you now walk around disgracing your parents in broad daylight, I thank God I caught you! This is how you children disgrace your father left right and centre,I know your father,he is a strict man! It is your mother that is spoiling you with all those her ideas! Ehen! I told your father a long time ago,I can see it in your eyes,you the stubborn one! In fact, I think you should start attending cathecism, my daughter ifeoma is attending, both of you will go together! come on, move, I am taking you home!ehhhhhhhn! Nonsense! So you are now a vagabond? At least you should have worn slippers! So you don't know your father is an important man? Ehhhhhhhh? I know you don't know that's why you are disgracing him. If you knew, you wouldn't go around looking like a vagabond! Do you know the meaning of vagabond? Ehen! You don't know now, in fact you will attend English lessons with JJ, your father and I can pay, it will even make it cheaper self! Oya, alele! Move my friend! I wonder where you were going self, I hope you have not stolen money to go and buy acara? abi is it pap? because your mother told me you prefer that one to custard! Me myself I like custard……………….....and on and on it went untill any punishment was better than listening to Mr. Okolo but ofcourse it never ended there. The decision for me to attend cathecism was decided by Mr Okolo not my parents and this was one of the nuisances of being caught by the man. It was his "various" suggestions that was the problem, which ofcourse involved his family as well. My summer that year was ruined by a harmless adventure to stroll around the block. Who would have guessed that Mr Okolo would be on his James Bond duty so early in the morning? Today, I remembered Mr Okolo, wondering, where is he? Does he still chase after the neighbourhood children? I wish I knew........

10 comments:

Confused Naija Girl said...

LOL i wonder where he is too

Anonymous said...

We had one "uncle" like that. Very irritating. He also used to mooch off my folks as well as report us. This kain open the fridge and gulp whatever is in it. Then he used to sit endlessly on the phone.
Even as a little child, i never passed an opportunity to be rude to him or to his many callers on OUR telephone.

Wonder where the punk is now sef

damsel in the desert said...

what a mess of a man... i hated all those amebos... chooking their mouth inside wetin no consine dem... shaaaawwww - rubbish! :):):):)

4wardnfiaca said...

hmm, u had unble okolo, I had auntie sofo. She made our lives a living hell wheneva she could. Always waiting for ma and pa to get back from their respective jobs, so she can tell on us. I still remember her standing by the doorway, toothpick in her mouth just waiting...

i have mo idea wia the madam amebo is now, and I couldn't care less.

omohemi Benson said...

I guess every one in their childhood had a "Mr. Okolo" or "Ms.Oklo" I did.

uknaija said...

We had an "aunt" like that- Mrs C-always had her nose in everybody's business. Imagine the whole town's delight (sad though it was)when her well-brought up son with home training was arrested for being a student cult member at his university. I must blog about her soon...

Idemili said...

I for one want to know why you spelt 'Akara' in that western manner. Ah-ah! Haven't they taken enough from us, they have to take the spelling of 'Akara' too?

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

hahaha.. Mr Okolo
i had one miserable uncle like that sha.. but i loved him dearly.. cause while he was a pest.. he was also a great human being.. thanks for sharing the story

Anonymous said...

Please, our own was Mama Ese. One woman like so wey live opposite our house. Na so she dey press nose against gate dey know wetin dey happen. Before my mama don even say make she park for garage na "Hello??!!! Mama (insert name here), na so I see your pickin for Ikeja Roundabout. I been tink say e dey go lesson. She wear short knicker and dey talk to boy" God, I always wanted to sama her one thunda!!!

Copido said...

ROTFLMAO. My 1st time on ur blog & I'm loving it. Even the name Okolo is annoying men!!