Monday, January 21, 2008


When a female fires back
suddenly target don't know how to act
So he does what any little boy would do
Makin' up a few false rumors or two
That for sure is not a man to me
Slanderin' names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

- From Christina Aguilera's "can't hold us down"

A lot of things happened last week that brought up a topic that I have thought about ever so often. I am sure we have all read by now the slimy details of the obj divorce. When I read all the accusations being pelted out by her husband, to say the truth, I was not shocked. Why? Well, I have come to the conclusion that a lot of Nigerian men are petty: PETTY.

Let me explain. I remember even back then in secondary school, I was always baffled by the fact about how easy a young boy would confidently call an ex girlfriend "a prostitute". I have an older brother, so my teenage years were spent hanging out in his room listening to their escapades. Many times, I listened with annoyance as the so called ex boyfriend would tell his guys intimate details of his relationship and ofcourse reveal secrets the once "love of his life" told him in confidence. I have watched that scenario unfold many times as a teenager and I have always thought it was because they were young and did not know any better. Since then, I now have reasons to believe that a lot of Nigerian men act like immature fools the moment things do not go the way they want. Here are some examples I have witnessed, no be say anybody tell me oh!

Case 1: Boy and girl had been going out for a while, guy decides to break it off, girl agrees, they go their seperate ways. A couple of months later, boy decides he has made a mistake and wants girl back, but by then, girl has moved on and she tells him that. One day, Boy sees girl taking a walk with another man, he is enraged. He confronts her at her home and immediately opens his mouth where words like "ashawo" and "prostitute" flowed abundantly from. He shouted on the streets of London like an agbero, and if I was not there to witness this firsthand, I would never have believed that this gentleman, who was always so well dressed in suits and ties could have such a market behavior. He has since apologized, but it is too late to erase that image from my head.

Case 2: Guy and girl have a relationship, I saw the love unfold before my very eyes. Girl catches boy cheating. Relationship ends. I met the guy a couple of months later, when I asked why the relationship had ended; he began to disclose a lot of personal details about the woman. He never told me the real reason i.e. that he was caught cheating, but instead spent more than an hour insulting the woman. He had become an agbero over night.

Case 3: Boy and girl meet, have a relationship, things do not go well, they have different morals and principles in life. Relationship ends amicably, (or so she thought). Fast forward a couple of months and the city is ripe with all sorts of rumors. In this case, the guy came up with the most unbelievable lies and stories. I was embarrassed for his sake.

These are just three examples, but over the last couple of days, I have been discussing this topic with many of my friends in Nigeria and abroad. They have all had at least one boyfriend that either insulted them or made up stories after the relationship ended.

Blogville Ladies:

Have you ever had an ex that turned to an agbero after the relationship ended?

Do you think "being petty" is a common trait in Nigerian men?

Notice: This post does not in anyway support Moji, this is just a general observation that her case brought to light.


Anonymous said...

I don't need to go too father is the number one ashawo...even though the term isn't commonly used for men...i wonder why becos they are usually bigger ashawos than women.Anyway he couldn't keep it on his pants.Bringin one STD after another everyday to my mom.Thank God it was the days b4 HIV.He was an irresponsible man who beat my mom and us recklesssly.He eventually kicked us out of the house and when questioned about it started telling false stories about my mom having affairs and saying how he is even unsure of our paternity.What a LOSER.I tell you...grown ass man with serious education.Yes indeed...a lot of naija men are petty and immature.It's the patriachal nature of our society.Meanwhile na them be babanla ashawos

Kiibaati said...

I guess now that gbenga has decided to run his tap water mouth in public glare, the family has become the subject for idle jokes.

I dont think this is an attack on Moji as such. Even if the claims are true, which i disbelieve, she will still be the victim.

just goes to show that the guy has personal issues and needs to see a shrink.It is amazing what a bitter person can say just to get attention.

Naapali said...

Nigerian men are petty. Men are petty. Women are petty. We are all petty about different things.

Nigerian society does have its double standards about acceptable behavior from men and women. We all know it. It is time to change it. We start by changing our expectations of ourselves, our brothers/sisters/parents/spouses/friends and our children. Then maybe, in a generation or two we will be tackling other problems and not these ones.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...ego and pride are some mean mofos and will make the most 'educated, classy, well-mannered' person speak and behave like a fool/asshole/[insert insult of your choosing]...i've borne witness to such...but don't think it is only men...think about women who will instantly diminish the size of their ex's penis...

Waffarian said...

@anonymous: That was indeed very unfair of your father, I am sorry you had to go through all that.I agree with you that the patriarchal nature of the society does allow a lot of men to get away with almost murder.

@Kiibaati: I think the most disturbing is the way we Nigerians lap up stories that surrounds another human being's demise. Thats what I can't understand, and yet, we say we are christians.

@Naapali: You are so right, we all have the ability to be petty in one way or the other. Yes, we really have to start with ourselves, and I think, we the women have to change our own ways of thinking first. I am often surprised about how easily women tend to accept the man's version.....we have all been programed from birth.

@guerreiranigerian: heheheheheh, yes oh, immediately, "the man thing small self", hehehehe, na so. Yes, I think Ego plays a huge part with men. Once bruised, they come out kicking all the way!

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Ans: no, I have not had an ex that turned into an agbero (or at least I don't know about it) but I know many men who were agberos even whilst in a relationship.

Men are petty. I know a woman who has a child with a man. The relationship has been so over, the child never lived with the two under one roof. Yet, the man was throwing tantrums when his son told him about an uncle who had been coming around frequently....and the boy's father is married o.
They (Men) are just big babies. And they know they can be because if you don't clean up and take their shit (excuse my french, yea people of france) some other heiffer will take it. KPOM!!!!

Obj's son: o ma se o

Doja said...

Only one thing is certain... he does not get along with his father or wife.
I never like one side of a story, his wife probably has her own tales to tell and I have a feeling it is not pretty either.

Onome said...

(sigh!!)..very terrible to read..i have never experienced such and my heart goes out to the women who have been at the receiving end of such maltreatment.....i wont call it pettiness i'll call it wickedness

Anonymous said...

Hiya, what are the details of the obj divorce. who is obj - am i missing something?

I dont have firsthand experience but Im sure men in general can be petty, just as women can be too. Its difficult to try and understand why they do it - as a last resort to get back bcos they feel they are not wanted or needed anymore. Or cld be they just cant stand the fact that u have moved on without them - despite knowing how useless they were.

Anonymous said...

I'm a nigerian guy,and let me say in defence of my sex that most guys in my experience don't do stuff like that.

I'm not saying we're paragons-far from it.It's just that behaving like that is like splashing some one else with sewage-it messes them up,but the stench clings to your hands.Makes it a little difficult to scope correct chicks later,even if u're right.Unless of course you're 1)very well off or 2)obscenely good looking.Then it's OK :)

Agberos do exist,no question,male and female both.But you can usually see them coming a long way off.In a word:narcissism.

I'm not familiar with the particulars of the OBJ case case so I cannot comment on it.

Waffarian said...

@Catwalq: hehehehe, big babies...., inyamaaaaaaaaa

@Doja: Indeed, there has to be something else in the whole matter.

@Onome: Exactly! That is it. Pure evil. I wonder why people can not see how unGodly that kind of act is.

Obj is Obasanjo, the ex president of Nigeria. His son has accused his wife of sleeping with his father for the sake of huge contracts. He has also accused his wife sleeping with her father as well. He now questions the paternity of his kids and would like a D.N.A test done.

@anonymous 10:43: Hmmmmmmmmmm, they feel "not wanted or needed anymore", interesting. Well, thats all part of being Egoistic, isn't it? To be enraged because your imortance is questioned? Food for thought.

@ anonymous: Narcissism. Another great word for this discussion and also implies another factor: Vanity.

Well, so here are the different factors that have come to light: self-importance, egotism, vanity and wickedness.

All in all, not good traits for any human being to be showing off in the press or at home.

Anonymous said...

First off, ALL men have a tendency of being petty.. it's just a matter of whether one rises to that 'occasion'. Then again, everyone has a tendency of being petty, irrespective of the situation. It's just that a majority of men just can't take no for an answer and tend to hide their annoyance/anger/disappointments with the flying accusations of 'Asawo!'

My 2 kobo!

Nwanyi Ocha said...

Ashawo indeed!

I think everyone in one way or another has expressed exactly what i had in mind

... hence I'm literally speechless.....

Obj's thing is just sad.

Anonymous said...

OK,now I've read the article(s).Atrocious behaviour,on both sides.But if,and I stress if,his allegations are true,there is more than enough blame to go round.Corruption,adultery,incest...What a disgusting mess.

The allegation of incest in particular was below the belt.Even if true,it had no place in this altercation.Whether it can be characterized as rape or just exploitation remains to be seen.But if his wife was actually sleeping with his father for financial gain,she isn't fit to take care of those kids.Neither is he,come to think of it.

Did anyone else notice she didn't bother to deny the adultery charge? And according to some nigerian forums the allegations of incest have been going round Abeokuta for a while now.

Karma's a bitch.Unfortunately it doesn't really care about collateral damage.The only victims here are the children who'll be stigmatised for life and us,the Nigerian people who are paying for this soap opera.

I reccommend that we ship the kids abroad somewhere they won't be recognised.Leave them there till they're like 25,maybe they'll have a chance to be decent human beings.Because they certainly won't get that chance in that family.After that,break out the popcorn and enjoy the show.You've already paid for it.N500+ mil a year?

Naapali said...

incest requires people be father/son/mother/daughter/grandparent etc. so technically these allegations do not qualify as incest. Also Naija is notorious for spreading and expanding unsubstantiated rumors. The fact that a million people say something does not make it true.

Afrobabe said...

I cant help but wonder if she really did all that she is accused of doing....I mean Obj is a big fish for his little son to try and bring down with such accusations...

Having said that....any man who calls me ashawo will have to explain to the public why his thing is so tiny....lmao...who ee go pain pass?

For the love of me said...

All men, Nigerians and elsewhere have the ability to be petty as do women I suppose but Nigerian men are perhaps the moreso because our society has made them believe thats its all right to do so. The women always become victimised.
@the first anon, I am sorry you had to go through all that you did.

Anonymous said...

i know exactly how d first anon feels cos we went thru almost d same thing, him having affairs, mum getting kicked out, mistress moving in, then one of us kicked out for chaallenging him, then the stories began and are still on till this day. takes the grace of God to actually speak to him, and only God can help us to forgive cos holding on to it messes u up. Our society condones this kind of behaviour, especially families, so until its addressed from within, we r going to keep on seeing a lot of pettiness (i think that's a word)

Idemili said...

Ugh! These kinds of people make my head hurt.