I am a BITCH!

meredith brooks - bitch

I am not perfect and I never pretend to be. Like every human being that has gone through life, I carry my own “life baggage”. I know how to say “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me” but I also know how to say “go to hell” and “fuck off”. I can listen to people patiently but I can also argue until I get the last word. I enjoy doing things for people but sometimes I can be the laziest person on planet earth and just sit around, reading books all day, doing absolutely nothing.

We are all human beings. There is nobody on earth who has the perfect character. We are full of contradictions and you can never tell how we might react in any situation. That is why I find it amusing that any man would think he has the “perfect woman”. A woman that is docile, calm, supportive, never argues, just there to please you, forever and ever.

Many men believe there is such a woman. They go around expecting to find her and sooner or later they will. Not because such a woman exists, but because women know that is what you want and we shall give it to you. We shall be submissive to your will, after all, isn’t it as simple as that?

It is much harder to be yourself and show a man all the many shades and colours that you come with. It is scary for a man to see you just the way you are, with all your faults glaring in the sun light because you know he will see them and run away. You are not perfect; you are not the woman he wants. He will tell you, you pushed him away with your many questions and answers. He will tell you, you are troublesome, he needs peace when he comes home and someone to pat his shoulders.

Everybody is looking for that Angel. I hear she exists, somewhere in the fantasies of men, ready to serve them and make their wishes come true.

I cannot make wishes come true. I am not the best human being on earth but I do give it my very best shot. I have so many faults that even I, cannot count them sometimes. I am an ordinary woman just trying to live her life.

I’d rather be called a bitch any day than an Angel, cos an Angel, I am not and will never be…

A great weekend and characters at the airport....

I had a really good weekend. First of all, I got to see a childhood friend walk down the aisle in a very simple but beautiful court ceremony. I cried when they said their vows, in fact, I think I was already crying the moment she walked into the room. She looked so beautiful and happy. Then, I met a man who, is just...GREAT! He has been so incredibly kind and sweet to me...sometimes I wonder why he is being so nice to me...I get a bit dizzy thinking that someone actually cares....

Then, I got to see another family friend's new baby who was just the cutest little thing! I just pray the world is kind to the little angel, seeing new babies makes me worry a lot about our world and where humanity is heading...

Then this character at the airport: He looked like he just stepped out of a gangster movie or something...all shiny and new,in a pinstripe suit or whatever it is called, shiny shoes. It was some kind of beige colour and then a trench coat in a very funny brown colour. He kept adjusting and looking at himself, and I kept praying he would not sit next to me cos I know my mind. If he sits next to me, I'll spend the whole time trying to figure out who he was, where he was going, why he is dressed like that, where he got the hat, is he a drug dealer? a gangster? is he from Panama? Is he excited cos he is travelling for the first time and decided to dress up for the occasion? Did he get everything from a second hand boutique? Why that particular colour? Why is his hair gelled like that? and that big red ring on his finger? Or maybe he is just on the way to meet the love of his life? They've been chatting for months over the Internet and now he is going to see her? Or maybe he just likes dressing sharp? and if you like dressing so sharp, class, elegance, money, WHY THE HELL WILL YOU USE RYAN AIR?

So I just prayed he would not sit next to me, cos all I wanted to do was sleep, and getting my brain active again was really not in my plan...

If you had seen his shoes...

P.S: Can't find the original of this song but this song na helele

Chances Are...

Chances are we're gonna leave now
Sorry for the victim now
Though my days are filled with sorrow
I see years of bright tommorrow

Chances, chances are some might not hold out
Chances are, hang on right now
Though my days are filled with sorrow
I see years of bright tommorrow

Chances, chances are some might not hold out
Chances are, hang on right now
Chances are, oh chances, you're my chances
Chances are, hang on right now

Chances are, hang on right now

Deal with loneliness, I'll take some tear drops
Chances are we'll have to win
Chances are, hang on right now
Chances are, chances are...

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I know I am complicated. Nobody has to tell me, I know. I think about many things that I should not. I do many things I should not. I take many risks that I should not. However, the one thing that is constant in my life is writing. I write all the time and it does not have to be me sitting by a computer or with a pen and paper. I can think of sentences in my head , stored for later. For the past two weeks, I have not been able to write. Not because I did not have the means but because nothing wanted to come out. How can that be when I always have so much in my head? How can that be, when at this very moment my head is filled with so much shit that I could explode? How can that be, when my head hurts me so much from thinking and thinking and thinking?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It has been a crazy week. Ups, downs, good, bad. I have come home every day just to crash like a "malu" flogged to plough the fields...whatever...thats how I feel. Like a "malu". I am so tired of thinking and thinking and thinking...and worrying, and worrying and worrying...

I don't know anymore about anything. At least, I can write now and I already feel better. I have so much to write in my diary, which is sometimes here and on pieces of paper... and on the backs of different books and calenders. Lets hope somebody finds it all in the future and puts all the clues together cos I certainly can't.

I don't know anymore about anything. I think I am tired of being "tough" this week. For the next week, I am just gonna be a fragile creature. I shall cry at the drop of a hat, eat chocolates and drink tea. I shall not run to catch the bus. I shall not drink coffee while trying to catch the bus. I shall not get off the train and get a cab because I am late. I shall not smile at other human beings on the train.

I shall read my books and ignore the world. Except when I have to pay for something or the other.

I heard my blog is "confusing" and I certainly do not help with these posts of mine...and I think a fellow blogger has once mentioned the depressive content of my blog...or something of that nature...

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't care. This blog is what it is. Full of shit sometimes, just like the world.

No, I am not depressed, just my good old self.

Oh, and I am back to feeling like Edith Piaf...(this should surely give this post a "dark edge" heheheheheheehehe)

Chilling...

Snowing like crazy...ate tuna fish...cos I am too lazy to go out and do any kind of shopping. Thinking of nothing except summer and travelling, and swimming...and a couple of other things but I won't bore you with them.

I have so many things to do, I hope I get to do them all before the week runs out. I feel like I never have enough hours in the day. I have so many books to read too and I can't finish them with the little time I have on trains and buses. Very frustrating.

I still have not bought anything for my apartment. I have to go to IKEA a.s.a.p. I think I'll just buy stuff and get them to deliver it and if possible, get those strong men of theirs to put it all up while I watch their muscles at work...not a bad idea, huh?

I go just manage until I have time.

Hope you are all having a good time. Na me and music get am as usual.

Life is crazy sha, but I have to say, all the shit is worth a few golden moments of being at peace with yourself and the world. Greatest feeling ever.

Wishing you all a good week!

My curtain na tablecloth...

...those tie and dye ones...you know, the one that every Nigerian living abroad has. This one is green, with fishes swimming inside in a circle, or rather, square(cos the table cloth is square). It looks ridiculous but who cares? and thats all I have managed to put up, plus some table lamps that I have plugged into every socket that I found...

perhaps this is the "union of joy and emptiness?"(I read that in one of those Buddhism books, one of those phrases that haunts my brain)its a fucking empty room...

but I am happy.

Is he joking?????????

Doing my usual news round when I came across this on NEXT. It is part of an interview with a Representative of longthroat house.

Q: In your tenure in the National Assembly, how many bills have you sponsored?

A: I have sponsored four bills; the abrogation of decree 52, on bar beach, there is one which has to do with disaster management which has gotten past the first reading and I was part of the bill for the budget office, to set up the budget office. I started it off in the last session and it didn't scale through hence I collaborated and we have it again. The fourth bill I think has to do on education-can't recall exactly what it is.


What the fuck does he mean by "can't recall exactly"? Thats all he fucking does there all day...and he can not recall? Olodo!