Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I know I am complicated. Nobody has to tell me, I know. I think about many things that I should not. I do many things I should not. I take many risks that I should not. However, the one thing that is constant in my life is writing. I write all the time and it does not have to be me sitting by a computer or with a pen and paper. I can think of sentences in my head , stored for later. For the past two weeks, I have not been able to write. Not because I did not have the means but because nothing wanted to come out. How can that be when I always have so much in my head? How can that be, when at this very moment my head is filled with so much shit that I could explode? How can that be, when my head hurts me so much from thinking and thinking and thinking?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It has been a crazy week. Ups, downs, good, bad. I have come home every day just to crash like a "malu" flogged to plough the fields...whatever...thats how I feel. Like a "malu". I am so tired of thinking and thinking and thinking...and worrying, and worrying and worrying...

I don't know anymore about anything. At least, I can write now and I already feel better. I have so much to write in my diary, which is sometimes here and on pieces of paper... and on the backs of different books and calenders. Lets hope somebody finds it all in the future and puts all the clues together cos I certainly can't.

I don't know anymore about anything. I think I am tired of being "tough" this week. For the next week, I am just gonna be a fragile creature. I shall cry at the drop of a hat, eat chocolates and drink tea. I shall not run to catch the bus. I shall not drink coffee while trying to catch the bus. I shall not get off the train and get a cab because I am late. I shall not smile at other human beings on the train.

I shall read my books and ignore the world. Except when I have to pay for something or the other.

I heard my blog is "confusing" and I certainly do not help with these posts of mine...and I think a fellow blogger has once mentioned the depressive content of my blog...or something of that nature...

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't care. This blog is what it is. Full of shit sometimes, just like the world.

No, I am not depressed, just my good old self.

Oh, and I am back to feeling like Edith Piaf...(this should surely give this post a "dark edge" heheheheheheehehe)