Saturday, March 21, 2009

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I know I am complicated. Nobody has to tell me, I know. I think about many things that I should not. I do many things I should not. I take many risks that I should not. However, the one thing that is constant in my life is writing. I write all the time and it does not have to be me sitting by a computer or with a pen and paper. I can think of sentences in my head , stored for later. For the past two weeks, I have not been able to write. Not because I did not have the means but because nothing wanted to come out. How can that be when I always have so much in my head? How can that be, when at this very moment my head is filled with so much shit that I could explode? How can that be, when my head hurts me so much from thinking and thinking and thinking?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It has been a crazy week. Ups, downs, good, bad. I have come home every day just to crash like a "malu" flogged to plough the fields...whatever...thats how I feel. Like a "malu". I am so tired of thinking and thinking and thinking...and worrying, and worrying and worrying...

I don't know anymore about anything. At least, I can write now and I already feel better. I have so much to write in my diary, which is sometimes here and on pieces of paper... and on the backs of different books and calenders. Lets hope somebody finds it all in the future and puts all the clues together cos I certainly can't.

I don't know anymore about anything. I think I am tired of being "tough" this week. For the next week, I am just gonna be a fragile creature. I shall cry at the drop of a hat, eat chocolates and drink tea. I shall not run to catch the bus. I shall not drink coffee while trying to catch the bus. I shall not get off the train and get a cab because I am late. I shall not smile at other human beings on the train.

I shall read my books and ignore the world. Except when I have to pay for something or the other.

I heard my blog is "confusing" and I certainly do not help with these posts of mine...and I think a fellow blogger has once mentioned the depressive content of my blog...or something of that nature...

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't care. This blog is what it is. Full of shit sometimes, just like the world.

No, I am not depressed, just my good old self.

Oh, and I am back to feeling like Edith Piaf...(this should surely give this post a "dark edge" heheheheheheehehe)

10 comments:

Temite said...

I LOVE EDITH PAIF. Have you heard Heaven have mercy. The french version is EVEN more depressing. You should try Jacques Brel too - listen to ces-gens la. you will weep. Oh and Edith Piaf's Ne rien is uplifting after the depression. I LOVE HER!

bArOquE said...

hey you, its been like a billion years since i came here...whats been up with you? you should drop by sometimes...i dont know what to think of this pos, but i think sometimes its ok to sulk....you be good , ok...*tight squeeze & peck on cheek*

Ms. Catwalq said...

somebody needs a carb binge....

StandTall-The Activist said...

You rock my lady, you do. Cry if you have to but always be yourself

Patrice said...

lol @ Ms. Catwalq

Do whatever you want to do next week, but please do not stop smiling at people on the train. Your smile makes them feel good, trust me.

Anonymous said...

Hallo,
Maybe you need to take a mental break. Im sure your writing will come to you, in its own good time. Rest your mind, listen to music, go for walks, go to the zoo...
Cry if you feel like, but dont feel sorry for yourself. Dont stop smiling at people though. Whatever you are going thru now will pass. Believe you me.
Have agood day.
Kr.

SHE said...

Yes. Read Your books. And Ignore the world. I Think that will help.

Lost at The End said...

The life of the mind! Arrrgh! The joys and torments.

Anonymous said...

Hi Waffy,
I feel like that sometimes and I like to be left alone when I do except it's really hard in a household of seven people!
My favorite songs of Piaf are "Mon legionnaire" because of the lyrics, "La foule" because of the music and "La vie en rose" because my grandma used to sing it.
Take care
Sandrine

MsBee said...

Can't believe am getting addicted to you blog when my scary exams starts next week :( this is so much of a classic