It's not as if...

I wish sometimes, I could be like you. Smile, shake hands and pretend I know why I am doing what I am doing... but I am not you. Most times, I have no idea what I am doing. I wake up each day, knowing that I can only be me. I just live my life and I do not understand you and your handshakes and phony smiles. Yesterday, you opened your eyes wide when you told me something. I don't remember what it is now because I don't always listen. Most times, my mind drifts above your words and I see just the top of your head. I make tracks on your head and pretend that ants are carrying pieces of sugar from one end to another. You finished talking, you made your final point. I did not say anything. I drank my coffee and imagined you were from another planet and those tracks on your head had now become trenches...I poured my coffee in and watched it slowly sip in...It's not as if I do not have better things to think about, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder what exactly is underneath your scalp...when you smile like that, shake hands like that...