Saturday, July 10, 2010

Fat white woman, Black African man.

Finally! I have time to write this down! A topic that has been on my mind for ages, and no matter what I do, I am composing this blog post in my head. It is 12:24 and I can't sleep so now, I write on this topic that has been bothering me. Do I hear a man somewhere shouting in a shrill voice, "how dare she?" Yes, I dare.

How many people here live in Europe? There are many, I am sure... and I know, if we are all honest, every single woman here will say "To say the truth, I have noticed it shaaaaaaaa" lets begin. Strip yourself of pride and dignity and lets investigate together, this topic.

Now, this anthropological study of mine began many years ago. When I first arrived on this continent, I was nineteen years old and somebody invited me to a club. "What kind of club is it?" I asked. The person replied "A hip hop club" which was quite different because at that time, the only places you could go were "discos". They only played techno, house, or popular music. I mean, now, there are all sorts of clubs, reggae, salsa, etc . Anyway, so, if you wanted to hear something familiar, a hip hop club did not sound bad.

I went there with a couple of friends and I recognised many of the guys there. Nigerian guys and other Africans as well. The club was bouncing. I even recognised the D.J, one Nigerian guy from the technical university. Everybody was having fun, dancing, when all of a sudden, I noticed something. As the night progressed, I began to notice that every white woman that entered the club was fatter than the one before her...I thought this rather odd...why was the club being invaded by fat white women? Did I miss something?

At that time, I was too naive and too young to digest the implications of this observation. I merely danced the night away and forgot about the topic with a shrug of my shoulders...

Years passed, and this first observation would continue to haunt me. In every European city I have been to, there is a club, a place to meet for fat white women and African men. (It would be wrong for me to put this burden solely on the shoulders of the African man. No. This burden must be shared with many other foriegners in Europe. However, I am using the African man as my main example because this is my experience)

Many times this topic would creep up, unintentionally. Consider these examples,

Example number 1

I was talking to a friend of mine whose past relationships have comprised of only foriegners. Mostly, Africans. She describes herself as being plump. In many circles, she would be described as "overweight". In this discussion, she said quite plainly, that the reason she has only been with foriegners is because she was "plump" and African men like "plump" women. Mind you, she came up with this topic herself without any influence from my side. To all this, I just smiled and shrugged.

Example number 2

I was sitting on the train, reading my book, minding my own business. A very cute bi racial little girl sat opposite me with her mum. She is one of those kids that just radiates happiness and in no time, the whole cabin was captivated by her beauty and innocence. Including the enormously huge woman sitting on the other side. The only time I had seen such huge people have been on documentaries about the obesity epidemic in the States. Anyway, this really huge woman began to talk to the little girl's mum(that whole conversation is a post on its own but here, it will just be a summary).She said she had threee kids herself and that their "fathers" were from West Africa...well, two were from W.A and the last one from Bangladesh. You can imagine my eyes were wide at this point.I am never one to judge a person's body...but this woman, it was impossible not to be amazed. And then, lo and behold, she says "I can only go out with foriegners, they are the only ones that will have me. NOBODY WANTS ME". I am not making this up. She actually said that, and other stuff as well.

Example number 3

I was invited quite recently to go to a reggae club with workmates.I had not been in one for ages and so a night of only reggae music sounded quite lovely. We arrived at the club around 12 or so, and still, it seemed we had arrived quite early. The dance floor was empty and there were just three or four men at the bar. The music however, was on full blast. Let me cut to the chase. I can not be bothered with the details at this point. Lets just say, in a matter of an hour, the club looked like a meeting center for female sumo wrestlers.

So, for some reason, word must have spread that African men like fat women. this true? Is this really the reason why so many fat white women end up with African men?

There are many aspects here to consider. Take for instance, the issue of "PAPERS". Many immigrants are desperate enough to fake love (quite sad, but true) to a citizen for the sole purpose of acquiring their "papers". Is it easier for papers to be acquired from a fat white woman than a thin one? In my opinion, the answer is YES. I have met a couple of these women and it amazed me how easily they accepted love. They were hungry for love. And who can blame them? Who does not want to be made love to? Who does not want a man to look at you and say "you are beautiful"?

They are quick to accept the fantasy world of "I love you more than my mother", and other romantic lines that I thought had been extinct years ago. However, do I really blame them for accepting love where they find it? Even if it is in the arms of a man who might leave them one day? No, I do not blame them. We must all do what we can to get through our days. It is better to have loved than not to have loved at all, they say...

But what about the fact that it is quite impossible for these women to go to the normal discos? I mean, lets face it. The normal club today is filled with size zero skinny girls in tight outfits. Who wouldnt feel self conscious in such places? that would be like committing suicide.Clubs are not friendly places for fat people. Thats the truth. Its very environment exudes slenderness and sexiness. When you think about it that way, well, they too have a right to enjoy themselves. Reggae clubs and African clubs are quite relaxed about clothes and so on...nobody cares, as far as you are ready to have a good time. In that sense, then we should be proud of these clubs since everybody of every size is welcome. Thats a good thing. The acceptance of all people.

Then we have another very obvious fact. The fact that there is also some sort of general knowledge that African men like ass and boobs. Now, the slender white woman will not have ass. Not any fault of theirs, just genetics. The white women that have ass are fat. Therefore, it might be quite logical for the African man to prefer a woman with ass (even though this ass is a result of being "overweight" and not genetics) than a woman without ass. Hence, he might actually really be attracted to a fat white woman than a thin white woman. If ass and boobs were his priority...

But now, let us look at one aspect that bothers me....

What is the number one reason why Nigerian men leave their wives for younger women?
The most common answer would be "she let herself go". In more coarse termes "ehnn, she is fat". This is always the answer. It's the woman's fault of course. So, Nigerian men like their wives looking nice and trim. Failure to do so, gives a free invite to the mistress/girlfriend/secondwife/baby mama. And everybody would blame the wife. After all, is that how he married her? When he married her, she was young and fit and now...just look at her! African men keep going younger and younger. They have wives, girlfriends, mistresses, every one younger than the one before them. What is it they are always looking for? Youth? but what is it that youth comes with? A fit body. One free from stretch marks and layers of fat...

In my opinion, fat white women have got it all wrong. African men, do not necessarily prefer a fat white woman over the average white woman. However, due to circumstances, they are forced to take the fat woman over many others for all sorts of reasons....

The end.

P.S: Feel free to fill in any gaps you think I might have missed.


Myne Whitman said...

You have almost said it all. But you don't have to be bothered by the last bit. Most times, black men with fat white women or overly skinny white women will cheat with other women, usually black. In Europe, most of these mistresses are prostitutes. But we have to remember that a man who will cheat will do so. Who the wife is or what she looks like is usually secondary.

Abe said...

Waffy, I agree with the observation but I think it is merely another incidence of the effects of dating economics. In dating, there are levels of "hotness" and in other to get a partner, you see peeps satisficing. A natural blond with the typical model physique is way up the charts, normally far from the reach of an average male immigrant African. And while we are on the subject, a very attractive ebony model might also be a tough bet since she is distracted by a lot of attention from rich and fit white men (RFWM).At least, that is the impression I get from my frequent academic study of the classifieds. The only problem is that RFWM are not in a real hurry to settle down.

Whatever the motivation, be it economic, emotional or emigrational, dating has always been a trade-off off sorts, it is a matter of demand and supply. A recent trend is that African men now hook up with absolutely hot (if i may say so) young women immigrants from new EU countries. The rumour is that they come to western Europe looking for blacks to marry. Some of them are single mothers too, but i would not be so cynical as to conclude that love cannot be found between adults making rational choices.

Just yesterday, I had a long conversation with an old Igbo friend of mine. He tells me that his pregnant Latvian girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to him. And she doesn’t even speak English. I left him thinking this must be love.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Thanks to movies like "i forget the name but it starred Monique", the African American women here have also fallen under the "African men like big women" spell. When i see pics of naija weddings, the brides are mostly trim and so are their grooms.
It is so easy to comment on their general lack of self esteem but like I once learned from the movie starring Cate Blanchett & Judy Dench, "Notes on a Scandal", sometimes when one has been without human touch, the simplest handshake can be seen as something else.

Waffarian said...

@ catwalq:

"sometimes when one has been without human touch, the simplest handshake can be seen as something else"


Never heard it put that way before...but thats so on point!

Alligator Legs said...

this is an interesting post. i am not sure this holds true in the u.s. i am also a little hesitant to comment since, as a black african(-american) woman, i tend to take the matter quite personally!

Waffarian said...

@ alligator legs: I would really love to hear your opinion on this. It does not matter if it is personal or not. I also think its an interesting topic and I would like to know how things in the States are...I just know how Europe it will be interesting to hear your take on the matter. Plus, now you got me curious. I think its okay to be personal, after all, that's what opinions are...personal.

P. Jean-Louis said...

salut alligator jambes juste pour te poser une question: les afro americaines acceptent -elles facilement une relation serieuse avec le emigrants africains?

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