Monday, July 26, 2010

Slightly depressing thoughts @ 32...

Some things are just "whatever" and some things are not.

I accept most things that come my way...with simplicity. Or at least, I try to.

I still have a lot of healing to do. I don't talk too often to people about my problems because I am always busy solving other peoples problems. I might need to change that.

I have way too many ideas in my head. I might need to sort some of them out.

It is OBVIOUS I am doomed with men.

My family and friends give me strength.

Sometimes I am so fucked up that I want to pull my hair out.

I am more confident at work.

I don't really like to do things that I don't like to do.

There is still one human being I would like to say "fuck you" to...

I need to listen to more music. I feel like I don't do that often enough.

I should continue jogging. It makes me feel a bit active in life.

I made up my own religion. Which is a mixture of everything. But I am quite happy with it. It makes me feel much better about what I am standing for in life.

It has occured to me that it might be the world that is fucked up and not me. Global warming has been on my mind lately. Human beings are as cruel as I have always suspected.

I don't eat meat so much anymore. Especially red meat. I often throw up after I eat meat these days...I am not sure what this means but my body does not accept it anymore.

I have the ability to be a loner. It is scary. I once went a whole week without talking to anybody.

I am inspired, creatively, which is so great. I am doing so many things and I love it.

I love babies and old people

Most people dont understand me, so I have learnt to keep away.

I am not sure what I am actually doing with my life but it feels like I am doing something.

Sometimes I get very lonely and the loneliness cuts through every layer of confidence that I have stacked up...it cuts deep and I am just bare...naked and empty.

I am not sure how I feel about turning 32.

Slightly depressing but I am accepting it.

I feel underachieved.

I feel life is passing me by. Shouldnt I be on a train somewhere? seeing things? Siberia? Mongolia?

Well, as long as I am still alive, I still got things to do. New chances, new opportunities, etc etc...I guess I better get on with it...this mundane business of trying to "live".

I am 32 today and I am alive. Not bad, not bad at all.

PS: In case anybody is interested, here are my thoughts when I turned 30 and when I turned 31 .

15 comments:

miz-cynic said...

I don think ur weird, infact your an intriguing person to me, from the lil i read about ur blog this is wht i think

miz-cynic said...

sorry
I imagine you with dreadlocks,always with a knapsack or across the shoulder bag,happy go lucky, basic simple dresser, earthy person and also very creative as in u can start writing about things u observe in yor immediate environment,u apprecaite people and their complexities and u have a very active mind.

Waffarian said...

@Miz-cynic: Thanks! he he...let me see...well, you are close. I guess most people would say that about me "happy go lucky".. which would be correct, but as intensely as I can enjoy the beauty of life, I can also see the ugliness, intensely...

Basic simple dresser...check!

Across the shoulder bag...check!

Dreadlocks: Oh, my hair has the ability and right now, if I don't put a comb through it, there will be dreads...he he he...

AlooFar said...

You're weird jare.

Happy bday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Waffy! I am 42, married, 3 kids, good job, and I feel like you do at times....go figure!

I think life is complicated, especially if there is healing to be achieved. I found my cure, I pray you find yours too.

authorsoundsbetterthanwriter said...

happy birthday. 32 is a good number. rather 32 than 31 any day :)

oluSimeon said...

happy birthday waffarian...
we all kinda have those situations we wish were different from what they are presently...

Patrice said...

Sometimes I am so fucked up that I want to pull my hair out.

It has occured to me that it might be the world that is fucked up and not me.

Left hook, right cross . . .

Happy birthday Waffarian!

2cute4u said...

Hmmmm, you're fine to me..
Happy Birthday dearest.
Mine is the 29th..
I urge you to be happy..
You're such a wonderful person.
I'm sure You'd meet him..
You're so full of love that love can't miss you I tell you.
I'm so sure about this

Myne Whitman said...

Happy birthday. Aren't we all weird? Revel in your creativity.

SHE said...

LOL @ miz-cynic, lol!

My mind tells me it would be good to think of all one has achieved.

It would be a good idea, if one could get the mind to do it.

Waffarian said...

@aloofar: Thanks! I see you are back to blogging...

By the way, how is it that you can be away for so long but the moment your post goes up, you have like 50comments that same day! I mean, how do people know you are back anyway? amazing!

@anonymous: Thanks... Yeah...I hope so too!


@asbtw: Now that I think about it, 32 does sound better!

@Olusimeon: Thanks...I guess we just got to keep at it...

@Myne: Thanks and I really reveling...he he he

@she: mind is not cooperating...

StandTall-The Activist said...

Now that we are both 32, we seem to have a lot on our mind, we seem to be reflecting on issues, we are wiser and we will deal with our issues better and of course know that feelign lightly depressed is part of learning...

Happy belated birthday. BTW are you not in NY? Am here till frist week in Aug

cosmopolitandiva said...

Happy Birthday waffy! Love ur blog, I can relate with u on so many levels and yes I'm highly weird too!

Rita said...

Happy birthday in arrears...