Monday, November 5, 2012

We never played by the same rules anyway....

I needed to get out of the apartment. I was suffocating, the walls were closing in...

I picked up my bag and left. I thought I had a destination.

I ended up walking aimlessly in the city for the first two hours after I left the apartment. I thought I was going somewhere....

I got to a park. Three people were meditating on the grass. "Falu Gong" the leaflet said. Goodness, patience and something else. I don't remember the third. The park was full of kids playing with the kind of enthusiasm that sometimes shocks me. How on earth can they be so happy? At the last minute I decided that happy kids were not really my cup of tea today.

I walked into a neighborhood that I had never really noticed before. I never noticed it because it was the kind of place that required cultural and economical capital for me to even notice it. I looked at the exorbitant prices in the shop windows and realised that even if I did manage somehow to climb my way to the top, how would I cope with the new "shoulds" that comes with that level? Cos thats what happens when you get that kind of money, there are so many "shoulds", "Oh darling, you should come with us to Nice, you simply must!" "You should get a maid". "You should buy a country home" "You should attend the charity event!" would never end...."you should"...

Twelve o' clock, already. Time for lunch. I went to a restuarant, ordered some beer and had Sushi. I began to feel quite good with myself. Walking with no destination was good for the soul. I don't have to do anything I don't want to.

My friend Tina calls. I realise how much I miss her. I have neglected her recently. Caught up in my own world, I have been closed to the world.

Another friend calls. Asks me if I want to have dinner with her. I accept.

Life has been interesting these past weeks. I don't know why I keep trying to understand the choices people make in life and why they choose to live life the way they do.

I will never understand how anybody can be weighed down with all that societal obligations...I just don't get it, so I give up. Trying to understand is just a waste of my energy...I never played by those rules.

 The fact is we all don't play by the same rules and that's okay. Its as simple as that.

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