Fly...

I am tired of how human beings behave. How is it that people just can't get it?

I am tired of sending texts that go unanswered. Tired of waiting for calls that never come. Tired of sending mails that get no replies.

What more  do I have to do in life for some fucking respect? I treat you kindly, I think of you, I pray for your well being, all I do is wish you well, but you dismiss me and my own well being as if I was just another fly on the wall. "Oh there's a fly".

I deserve to be taken seriously and treated with respect. If you think my texts, mails are unworthy of your attention, well guess what? you do not deserve my attention.

Fuck you too.

Winter, gym, travelling...

I went back to the gym yesterday, the first time this year. I have been slacking. Seriously.

It was snowing, white fluffy snow...I met a friend for lunch then he dropped me off and I walked to the gym. On the way, I saw a homeless person all curled up under a dirty grey blanket on the side walk. I suppose he/she was sleeping. I did not have any money and I was not brave enough to stop and ask whoever it was underneath if there was no where else he/she could go. It was freezing. Nobody should be sleeping out in this weather. Well, unfortunately, I walked on by. I could almost hear the song "its another day for you and me in Paradise" in my head.

 The gym was not as painful as I thought it would be. But today my stomach muscles hurt. I tried to wake up early to go to the gym but ofcourse I fucked up. The alarm rang and all of a sudden, sleeping seemed so important.

Life in general is okay. I am seriously thinking of  travelling...for long periods of time...in different parts of the world... Or at least Asia. It is a fact that my life is not going to be the regular normal society-demands-of-you kind of life. It is not going in that direction and never has so why not embrace my lifestyle fully? Whats the use of being free and at the same time not enjoying it? Its not like there is another choice at the moment so I might as well enjoy myself completely.

I am not waiting for anything to happen. Its happening now, this is it. My life is not regular, I accept it as it is.

Now all I have to do is save some money.

Lots of stuff...

I have a lot on my mind.

These weeks are going to be tough. So much to do, so much that needs to be done.

I just have to bite my lips and get on with it.

But after January, things will be easier. I will update more often and  hopefully I will have interesting experiences to narrate. Unfortunately, I haven't been describing the wonderful stuff that happen to me anymore on this blog. Feels like it has become more of "oh yeah, I am still alive" kind of blog but that is all going to change soon. Soon, very soon.

Love.

Happy New Year..

Happy New year dearest friends.

We are alive, we made it. We are heroes.

I have spent the holidays with my family. It was really good.

Now I am back, sitting in my room listening to some good old soul music.

I have a good feeling about this year. Its gonna be alright!

I really wish the best for all of us. Love, peace, happiness, I really do.

Yeah, things are gonna be fine.

Kisses to all!

WHAT A FUCKING GREAT DAY!!!!

HAPPY.

I finally get a fucking break!

I am really happy.

Really, really happy!!!!

Work @ 13:05

Just 13:05? Uschhhhhhhhh

I wanna leave already...

Anxious and tired.

Monday morning.

How will I make it through?

So many things in my head.

Life seems so complicated these days. I wish I could just wipe out so many things from my head and mind.

I am tired. Really tired. So many things to do and anxiety takes over.

Now its 6:28. I have to take a shower, have to run.

What will happen? Why am I doing this to myself? Stressing so much about things I can not change?

I should be wise be now, being so anxious never helps anything. Its just paralysis.

But I can't help it...my heart starts beating fast...aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh got to go. 6:30.

I am thinking way too much about a certain person...

Okay, now I should really take a shower.