Finally, I move into my new apartment on Monday. It is a small apartment and no bigger than my former kitchen, but guess what? It's my name that's on that tag! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! The last time I had a place this small, I was 19 and ready to conquer the world. I feel a bit like that again, excited about my new life, which I sometimes feel guilty about considering all the horrible things happening in the world...I wish all these shitty wars would just go away and let human beings live in peace...fucking nuts...
Anyway, so on Monday, I am going to be in my own place. It is totally empty, I have not even bought a bed yet. I might just sleep on the floor with a blanket or something, but it doesn't matter because its my name that's on that tag! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!(sorry, I can't seem to get that line out of my head, its from Beyonce's irreplaceable )
Last year was a crazy, crazy year for me. I made so many changes that I overwhelmed myself. Everything was so overwhelming that I actually ran away from it all. It has taken so much energy and strength to be able to come back and face the many decisions that I made. It was tough...so tough that sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, thinking, "shit! shit! shit! what the hell are you doing? you are so fucked up, this is all wrong, you can't do this, you had it all, now you've gone and fucked everything up, as usual!".
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Let me not think about it, the months of insomnia, the days of meaningless wonderings...all I can say is, at that point, the only thing I thought was, "is life meant to be this hard?", it was hardcore.
(But here we are now, 2009, and no, I did not die. It was tough and shitty, and messed up, but I did not die. And if you are going through a tough time right now, don't worry, you will not die either. Everyday is a new day and every day comes with new chances to get things right. Hold on to whatever it is you have to. I held onto this line "this is a test of the strength of your character", for me, this was going to show how strong I was...so that's what I did. Show that no matter what, na me and this life get am, nonsense!)
Finally, this ending, of the journey of homelessness,( I promise you, it was a fucking journey) will not be complete without saying thank you to all those who put up with my craiseness. My GREAT family and friends....jeez....una dey try sha...haba!
Thanks also to all the bloggers of this post who got me this apartment!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't be sleeping on the bare floor on Monday without your help! So, I thank you all.
Happy weekend. Its my name that's on that tag!!!!(can't embedd the video so just click on this link)