Exhale...

Finally, I move into my new apartment on Monday. It is a small apartment and no bigger than my former kitchen, but guess what? It's my name that's on that tag! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! The last time I had a place this small, I was 19 and ready to conquer the world. I feel a bit like that again, excited about my new life, which I sometimes feel guilty about considering all the horrible things happening in the world...I wish all these shitty wars would just go away and let human beings live in peace...fucking nuts...

Anyway, so on Monday, I am going to be in my own place. It is totally empty, I have not even bought a bed yet. I might just sleep on the floor with a blanket or something, but it doesn't matter because its my name that's on that tag! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!(sorry, I can't seem to get that line out of my head, its from Beyonce's irreplaceable )

Last year was a crazy, crazy year for me. I made so many changes that I overwhelmed myself. Everything was so overwhelming that I actually ran away from it all. It has taken so much energy and strength to be able to come back and face the many decisions that I made. It was tough...so tough that sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, thinking, "shit! shit! shit! what the hell are you doing? you are so fucked up, this is all wrong, you can't do this, you had it all, now you've gone and fucked everything up, as usual!".

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Let me not think about it, the months of insomnia, the days of meaningless wonderings...all I can say is, at that point, the only thing I thought was, "is life meant to be this hard?", it was hardcore.

(But here we are now, 2009, and no, I did not die. It was tough and shitty, and messed up, but I did not die. And if you are going through a tough time right now, don't worry, you will not die either. Everyday is a new day and every day comes with new chances to get things right. Hold on to whatever it is you have to. I held onto this line "this is a test of the strength of your character", for me, this was going to show how strong I was...so that's what I did. Show that no matter what, na me and this life get am, nonsense!)

Finally, this ending, of the journey of homelessness,( I promise you, it was a fucking journey) will not be complete without saying thank you to all those who put up with my craiseness. My GREAT family and friends....jeez....una dey try sha...haba!

Thanks also to all the bloggers of this post who got me this apartment!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't be sleeping on the bare floor on Monday without your help! So, I thank you all.

Happy weekend. Its my name that's on that tag!!!!(can't embedd the video so just click on this link)

Time for a road trip?

and jamming to this song...uh huh...you feel me? Somebody say hell yeahhhhhhhhhhh! I need to get some Barry White on my ipod...hot damn...I'm feeling...ehnnn... moody....

Why are you looking for me?

Why are you looking for me?

Just cos...

Stop looking for me

Okay.

But why were you looking for me?

I can't remember anymore, I think I like you

And you don't like me anymore?

I am not sure, I'll have to think about that

Well, I am here now

Why are you here?

Cos you were looking for me

Why was I looking for you?

You tell me! You said you were!

Really? When?

So you are not looking for me?

I was, I am not sure if I still am

Okay, then I will go

Okay...but what if I want to find you later?

You are a fool.

Top five reasons why you should help out that tired mother you know...

Okay, I know we all know that tired friend, sister, auntie, neighbour that could really use a babysitter. Come on, you all know someone! and I know some of us, including yours truly, have been guilty of dodging them just cos we don't want to "waste" that weekend or Friday night with some kid...

Here are five main points why you should give that woman a break!

1. You get to watch cartoons early in the morning and not feel guilty about it. Yep, Tom and Jerry has never been funnier! This weekend I watched the one where Jerry tries to save that little birdie from committing suicide cos it thought it was ugly(but really, some of the themes in these cartoons are hardcore sha...)and the birdie wanted Tom to eat it and Jerry had to be faster than Tom's mouth...it was so hilarious...

2. You can eat anything you want for lunch. Who says a sausage on a slice of white bread covered with ketchup is not the best hot dog ever? and to wash that all down, a cup of hot cocoa(or in my case, a cup of hot coffee).

3. You get to go the cinema(okay, this was my idea but still...) and laugh out loud like every other small person is doing, and yes, you can talk as much as you want and ask a hundred times during the advertisements, "has it started yet?" "when is it going to start?" "is this the movie?" and you can go and pee in the middle of the movie if you want to, you don't have to wait until the very end.

4.You can play games, cards, puzzles and invent the rules as you go along. You can exchange cards as many times as you want, until it suits you(or you win).

5. You get to read bed time stories and sleep off as well...

Give that woman a break....come on, it will be fun!

To "way lay" or not to "way lay"?

My ears are burning as I listen to the two teachers go on and on about how children are like, the pranks, the bullying, etc etc. I wanted to scream at them to shut up, I fucking read the damn pedagogy!I probably know more about that shit than two of them put together...my ears were just burning and burning...and that little brat, standing there, with arms akimbo, snickering at me, that compact, short, stout little brat. How old could she be? 5? 6? Now, having been a victim of bullying at different stages in my life, I know exactly what this is all about. Yes, I handled it very well, thanks to my parents, my brother and my ever faithful friends but still, it is painful to think that children can cause so much harm.

Anyway, so this little compact human being is a bully. First of all, she goes around telling the whole class not to talk to my little friend(who I am here to pick up, since this weekend I am living the life of a single mum, hard work, I assure you)cos she is black. Yes, my friend, lets call her Hadiza, is the only black girl in the class. Thats not even the issue. Now, she has made Hadiza do something I find very weird so she can get her doll back or some story like that. Fact is, its about a doll. (I will narrate the weird thing when the mum gives me permission to do so, you know how sensitive parents can be with stories of their kids).

Anyway, I know the rules, I can't really do anything except talk to the teachers and they in turn will have to talk to the girl's parents, etc etc. I know all that, but still, I am thinking....what if I "waylay" the little brat and warn her properly? You know, the Nigerian way? I mean, surely that will do no harm? Okay, say she reports to the teachers? ehen? After all, I am not the mum, the mum can always claim that I had no idea of how they handle stuff over here....

I am telling you, I am warming up to the idea...we shall see on monday...

Coloured is better

The worst, I think, is complete confidence matched by complete incompetence...

From Amy Tan's Saving fish from drowning

I read this and thought immediately of that quote! The way we embarrass ourselves never ceases to amaze me.

In the spirit of Valentine...

I haven't been to my writing group in a couple of months. I have been M.I.A for a while. I am not proud of it but in my defence, I did work on my texts. I just wasn't there "live". The group consists of only Africans. Two Libyans, One Nigerian(represented by yours truly), two South Africans, Two Gambians and one guy from Sierra Leone who can understand my pidgin English!(I know, I get excited easily).

Anyway, so I walk into the room and I am amazed by all the hugs and kisses I receive. Shouts of "Hey, where have you been?" "We missed you" "So good to see you again". However, as the hours progressed, it became quite clear that it was not the usual talkative Waffy. Many times, I was caught day dreaming, or with a frown on my face or just plain "off". Different people asked me at different times, "Are you okay? "What's up?" I was given coffee and scones, and everybody made quite a fuss about my return.

I was busy staring once again into the abyss of nothingness when the guy from Sierra Leone came up to me with his head phones and told me he had something for me. Imagine my surprise to hear P Square's No one like you blasting from his head phones.He looked at me and smiled....In that moment, his kindness meant more to me than anything in the whole wide world.

I guess that is what Valentine's day should be about. The ability to see someone with open eyes, the ability to acknowledge the other person and tell him/her "I see you".

I wish you all a lovely day!

Lots of love,
Waffy

Thai Boxing

The video has nothing to do with Thai boxing, I am just listening to this tune now and decided to share.

Uh huh! Yep. I finally went to my first ever Thai boxing class, which is funny cos I have always been interested but never even made the effort to check up on it.

So, yesterday, with my mind somewhere else entirely, I over hear my friend on the phone talking about starting the class today. I was like huh?where? when? I always wanted to do that, can I come?

And that's how I found myself in a small sweaty stinky garage like space with smelly stinky hand gloves, boxing, kicking and doing hard core exercise(they really need to chill on that frog jumping over each other's heads...that one, I drew the line haba! it was not enough that I am suspecting that my inner thigh muscles are damaged...I mean, why must I put my leg on the shoulder of someone just cos I wanna stretch? Haba!...me, I just told the guy to kneel down cos there is no way my leg was gonna get all the way up there!)

Anyway, it was fun and yep, I signed up for more. Its just different, even the people there seemed different. Everybody just seemed so disciplined and focused and that's what I need...I need to be disciplined, you know, have routine...

I already asked how I will know if I am getting better, cos I don't wanna be in this group with people like me that can not even stretch properly!

I wanna be disciplined, strong, all that good stuff and be able to kick anybody's ass that try me...for real, I go just knock them out with one kick! I go just give them round kick straight to the head, I go just kick im stomach, e no go fit breathe, I go just punch im eye...I go just....

Okay, okay, lets not get ahead of ourselves here...lets see how my legs feel tmrw...I hope I did not break something...

Happy weekend and lots of love!

Thanks so much to everybody that left something on my last post. I am grateful.

I hope you all had a good weekend. I spent my weekend listening to reggae and retreating into a world of books. Doing that and with all your prayers, thoughts, love and well wishes, I am now calmer and looking foward to better days.

Thank you all once again.

Lots of love,
Waffy

Oya, I give up...I need prayers...(anybody wey see this post must leave prayer here)

Oya, those of una wey dey come this blog....I need help. Make una leave prayers for this post. Anything wey una wan pray, make una pray. I don't care about the religion. Even if na small thing like "abeg, give waffy strength" whatever. The whole universe must enter this matter. Oya, make una begin pray....I don vex, my matter must reach somewhere today.

I guess a "waffy day" was bound to come up sooner or later!

Okay I really have to go...oops...I have got to get to the bathroom...why I am I so nervous? Lord, I am gonna miss my flight...okay, take it easy, no need to get so worked up over nothing. You are just going to get on a plane, that's all. Easy. Nothing to worry about, just take your time..SHIT! I have to go...SHIT! SHIT!!...Okay, lets move on. Laptop, "Eze goes to school bag"(why did I give my mum my brand new travelling bag? why did I volunteer?), phone, passport, extra money, uh huh, everything cool.

Okay, I can do this, one step at the time. Good. Bus is late. I can just relax, breathe in, breathe out, in, out, that's it..easy does it...FUCK! where is my Sim card? Fuck! Its on the table in the living room. I need that card. How am I supposed to live without a phone number? or should I burst it? I hate that fucking phone anyway, I have become a slave, phoning, texting, phoning...fucking crazy world. I had a such a peaceful life without that contraption...nasty piece of work...Damn! I need that card...Okay, my sister has run off to go get it...I bet you the moment she turns the corner, when I can't see her, she is gonna walk...I know...so lazy...I just know it..and here is the bus! Perfect!

Yeah, that's right old people, just get on the bus and don't feel pity for me. Yes, I am missing it, I'll get the next one...that's life for you. Nothing to feel sorry for here. Life sucks and that's it. Yep! and there is my sister strolling down without a care in the world! Yes, yes, I missed it.

Jeez! Its cold. I am gonna miss my flight. I hate Ryan air....I am never using it in my life. I rather use a bus! Oh...here is the bus. I can't feel my feet. Yeah, yeah, goodbye, I'll be fine. I'll just settle in, listen to some music, feel miserable. I am gonna miss my flight...fucking traffic. I swear I'll just go home and sleep. I won't even cry. I'll just say "So I missed it?, too bad" then I'll go home and sleep. Everybody will be shocked. They'll say "What happened?" and I'll say "That's life.So unreliable"

This is so messed up...I am gonna die...I am gonna die...yeah, where is that Ryan air woman? uh huh, check in at the machines...okay...now what? Sorry? You must be kidding me? this fucking long line? You must be kidding! and she is so happy to say that too...nah nah nah...something is wrong here...this can't be right...What? not this line? I knew it! Shit! I hate Ryan air, I really do. Okay, calm down, calm down, lets see if we can skip this line...what? you wanna get in front of me? your plane going? Shit! I can't really afford to be kind now..but do it, yeah, yeah, stand in front of me..and the rest people can all cry if they want...its my space and I say you can have it. Yes, that's right!

Okay, good. Bag dropped off...now let's see.....Oh dear! That's the customs thingy? I feel like going to toilet again...Jeez...Okay, we can do this...step by step...slowly, snail's pace...s-l-o-w-l-y...Oh Come on! You must be kidding. How slow can these people be? Remove belt, jacket, shoe, get laptop out....Come on!

Okay, now to find "gate"...yeah...last gate...great! I hate Ryan air...good...right on time with a minute to spare! I really have to go to toilet...



For those that do not know my "waffy days" you can see an example here

Dis world dey try me oh!

See this world oh, one wahala never finish, another one go enter. Haba, Universe! Na only me dey this world? Abeg, make una leave me oh. Na hustle mode I dey right now. I no get time for nyamanyama yarns....

Make I go hustle first, I dey come, wey I finish, make wahala come. But for now, other things dey my mind.

SUPER PROUD!

My good friend Tolu Ogunlesi (and I can swear that he is an angel) just got short listed for the 2009 PEN/studzinsky Literary Award

I am still upset that he did not win the "Future Award" thingy. I mean I voted for him and all!

Well done Tolu!

A woman's worth...(For my sisters)

What the hell are you worth? Do you know your worth? Do you know just how great your heart is? Do you know just how beautiful your passion for life is? your laughter, your joy, your soul? Do you know how caring, how loving you are? Your pretty smile, the way you think of everybody else but yourself? Do you know how much you give of yourself, every single day? How much are you worth, you silly girl? Your wonderful mind, full of so many ideas, so many notions? Your strong hands, capable of holding the strong and the weak? How much are you worth my darling? If you knew your worth, you would hold your head high and smile. You would look at everybody around you and think how lucky they are that you, are on their side. If you knew your worth, you would know that your honesty, your dignity, your uncompromising principles, are worth more than gold.

Hold your head up high, my darling. The man that does not see your worth, is not worth you. For a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her.Hold your head up high!

P.S: WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN! COMPLEX CREATURES OF THE EARTH. NOBODY "CHOOSES" YOU, MY DARLINGS. NOBODY. IT IS TIME YOU START "CHOOSING". YEAH, THATS RIGHT. GET YOUR MINDS RIGHT.

If not now, then when?

If not now, then when?
If not today,
Then, why make your promises?
A love declared for days to come,
Is as good as none.

You can wait 'til morning comes.
You can wait for the new day.
You can wait and lose this heart.
You can wait and soon be sorry.

If not now, then when?
If not today,
Then, why make your promises?
A love declared for days to come,
Is as good as none.

Now love's the only thing that's free.
We must take it where it's found.
Pretty soon it may be costly.

'Cause if not now, then when?
If not today,
Then, why make your promises?
A love declared for days to come,
Is as good as none.

If not now, what then?
We all must live our lives.
Always feeling.
Always thinking.
The moment has arrived.

If not now, then when?