Signs from the past...

I know many people do this, hold on to little things from different parts of their lives...

I have many things that I keep, that symbolises different parts of my life, good or bad. I do not hold on to many things from a particular period, just one is usually enough, and I carry it with me through out my life.

I have for example, the first letter my father ever wrote to me when I first left Nigeria. I could have kept many letters, diaries, etc. But to me, that first letter symbolises everything, (I also have a Bible that someone gave to me when I left. I can't remember who, but it must have been a relative or family friend. It might even have been my father...I really can't remember)my departure from my home and the only country I ever knew.

I have a necklace given to me by a refugee I once helped. It had a gold cross on it, and as he left that day, on the train going to germany (he was later caught and deported), he had nothing to give me, so he took off the chain he had, and gave it to me. I have had that chain for more than ten years now. It is not only because the chain reminds me of him, but mostly, of all the people I met during that time of my life.

I have the ring my first boyfriend gave me when I was 18. I doubt he even remembers that he ever gave me a ring. I also have a night shirt my mum sent to me,(when I told her I was feeling lonely, she sent me night shirts with nice slogans on them saying stuff like "kisses and hugs", stuff like that,) the first letter my sister wrote to me from Russia, etc. I keep those things cos they are important to me, to remind me of my past, of what I have seen and been through...

That is why losing any of them, makes me incredibly sad. I thought I had lost a gold chain that I have had for many years. You can not imagine how terrible I have felt anytime I thought of it. It was a very tiny chain, if one does not even look properly, one would hardly see it on my neck. It carried a Virgin Mary pendant that my ex then, had gone to the vatican to get blessed.( I was raised a catholic and even though I have over the years, formed what is almost my own type of Christianity, removing the christian stuff I don't like and getting other stuff that I like from different religions, still, there are some "Catholic feelings" you just can't get rid off...like this whole vatican thingy...it really meant a lot to me at that time)

Anyway, I never even used to take it off my neck...I showered with it, swam with it, etc. I think I actually took it off on a holiday to wear something else or so. Then my life turned upside down and I never could really think about it so much.

Now, since I recently got most of my stuff back, I decided to at least sort out some of the smaller boxes. It has been on mind mind for the past few weeks, to ask my ex if he had seen it but I did not want to put salt on old wounds, so I just felt bad about it.

Well...I was looking through a small case with bangles (all the while, the only thing on my mind was "imagine if I find my chain") when........................

I let out a loud gasp! There it was. I did not cry. I just let out a loud scream that sounded, even to my own ears, way too dramatic. It was like I was in a movie or something...

Now I have the chain on my neck, but to top it all, I open one of the boxes, and there, right on top, is my old worn out Bible ( I told my sister this story, and the only thing she could say was "YOU have a Bible?" as if that was the most incredible thing she had ever heard) Not worn out, because of use, but mostly from moving from place to place. God knows how many times I have moved since I left Nigeria.

It makes me feel good, having these things. Knowing that, I am always who I am. Yes, life may not work out as I hoped for but I do know who I am and where I am coming from and it is nice to be reminded of that fact, from time to time.

God bless us all...

I also found a CD of Sir Victor Uwaifo which I am listening to at the moment.