Friday, May 7, 2010
Life... with me in it...
I have been sleeping a lot lately and thinking...
There is so much on my mind these days. Mostly, about the woman I have become.
Someone called me up yesterday and said something amusing. He said "You sound so calm". Well, I thought, I am calm. My mind is in an okay place, and I am working on getting my mind and body in balance, so I guess I am doing a good job.
I have been thinking a lot about my life and everything I have been through...its no wonder I am calm. I feel wise beyond my years and a self confidence I don't remember having. Although, I still feel lonely at times, I don't feel that nervous about life anymore. I feel happy that I have tried my best in the things I did and the choices I made. I don't think I could have have done things differently than the way I did with the knowledge I had then.
Certain things I wish had not happened. Especially since my mind and confidence was so fragile...but I guess that's what life is. You learn never to let yourself get in such situations if you know you can't handle it.
Which perhaps, is the best lesson. To know yourself so well, that you can protect yourself better if you know you are not at your best.
That of course, takes a lot of honest soul searching. And a lot of work. But I think women need that, from time to time.
I like the person I am becoming, which is a good thing. I am not so nervous anymore about how I will cope with life and all its bullshit. I think I will do pretty okay, which at the end of the day, is all I really want. To be okay.