and some feel good soul...

All my looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove....

Finally fixed my bicycle!

So I finally did it.

I walked up to my neighbour and asked him if he could help me with my bicycle. He is good at fixing things...as I heard.

So he helped me fix it. It was not a huge problem as you can imagine. Just one of those really tiny problems that my floating mind can not really grasp.

Then I went for a long ride. Oh, the joy! It was really sunny and wonderful.

Its been a long winter for my bicycle as well. First, it was parked at a train station until december then when I moved here, I parked it outside my building. So its been out all winter. Everything looks rusty but its working fine.

Now all I have to do is get myself to start jogging again...

If only I could do that, I swear I would be happy...normally its starting things thats the problem...if I could only just start, I normally stay on to the middle part and then finishing stuff is always a problem.

So basically, I am a middle kind of person. The middle is never a problem. I am hardcore there. But try and get me to start or finish anything...

Its an issue man. I should get some therapy for that.

Which reminds me, I saw one of my old drama profs the other day just by mistake. I turned around to ask for the time, and there she was! I was so embarassed cos I was one of her shining students but do you think I ever sent her my end exam paper? ha ha ha ha...you guessed right!

Anyway, so we talked a bit and she told me she still wanted me to send it in and that I could still get my points, I was like "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

Which blew me away cos I never really bothered to check if I could or not. I just assumed I could not.

I explained to her about my "finishing stuff" disease and she said she had it too, so I should not worry.

And music for the soul. Love.

A summer of writing...

Yep.

That's all I will be doing this summer.

Writing.

Doesn't that sound lovely?

But before then, I still have one more week of reality to deal with.

And then, its off to fantasy land! I can't wait.

This will probably be the summer before the rest of my life which will henceforth be known as the last summer of my old life. I am not waiting for a new year to begin a whole new life again. No way. My new season starts from september.


And now, my all time favourite summer song. I listen to this like crazy every summer. I cant imagine that people don't listen to this and sip cocktails or just lie in the sun...which reminds me that I have to visit the reggae record store. I havent been there in ages! I am not sure I have even been there this year at all. Dammmmmmmmmmmmn. Thats really too bad.

Just stuff...

Tired.

It must be all this walking up and about.

Need to write as soon as I can settle down.

I think I and my friend have covered every philosophical topic there is to cover...

Talking about stuff feels good. I should do it more often but it has left me a bit drained....maybe I talked too much. I always feel guilty when I talk too much. Like I have made a fool of myself...

I feel good.

But she is leaving today.

I am a bit sad but I just have to be grateful anyway...

and that's where I am today. Sad but grateful.

Girl stuff...

Okay. A good friend of mine (a guy) just said this to me...

"I want to slide down the rainbow with you". What does this mean?

a)I want to take you for a ride

b)I like you

c)Why don't we fall in love?

d)It means nothing

Background: Good friends for years. Know each other quite well. But haven't seen each other for years. Contact again. All grown up. Innocent flirting.

I am leaning towards B or D...

Dream and laugh with me...

So my friend from this post is around and we might soon be thrown out of every bar or restaurant we visit because of our laughter.

We have the same kind of humour, so you can imagine. Everything is funny. We see the same things and laugh at the same things which means my usual "silliness" (as my mother calls it) is now double cos we seriously edge each other on, non stop. There are no breaks in the madness...

We dream and laugh like thats all there is to do in life.

And I don't want to wake up...

Cos there are lovers everywhere...

Every summer, I ask the same question: Where were all the lovers during the winter?

Now its summer and it feels like Julio is at every corner...

Just a girl in a man's world...

I didn't make it, suga
Playin' by the rules


Doing laundry and listening to music...

Perhaps I was the only one laughing...

Things are pretty much okay. Or rather, as expected.

Drank some wine with a friend yesterday and the Persian dropped by. My friend then proceeded to interrogate him as if we were in some African village somewhere and a man had just come to ask for my hand in marraige.

Thank God I was drunk because it was quite embarassing. I think at one point she even asked "what are your intentions" or something equally irritating. I wanted die but thank God for the wine, because after a while, I actually began to enjoy the drama that was unfolding before my eyes. The Persian was looking straight at me and sitting upright while my friend was nodding away in deep concentration. They both seemed so serious.

At that point, looking at my friend and the Persian, I began to wonder if I was the only one laughing?

And some hip hop...

I listen to hiphop when I have to get into my hustler mood.

So I can feel like I am hardcore, which is how I HAVE to be sometimes to get through stuff.

Especially when I am feeling extremely tired and I just want to lie down right in the middle of the street and say "whatever happens, let it happen. I ain't taking one more fucking step".

Just when I am about to make this dramatic performance on the road, I start humming some hiphop song and pretend I am some hardcore hustler...

It works, you should try it.

P.S: Today, I washed some underwear by hand cos I did not want to put it in the machine. Anyway, sun was really shining and I was thinking I should just hang it by my window...but I was not sure if the people in the opposite building would see it...after thinking for a while, I decided to just hang it. And just as I did, I heard a whole bunch of whistling and laughter! When I looked across, the window of the apartment opposite mine was open and there were a couple of guys looking at me and drinking beer. I wanted to die!!!

New stuff...

Fruits in bowl (I don't buy fruits cos they just go rotten but Persian guy eats lots of fruits...so he has that...a huge bowl with fruits always on his living room table. It reminds me of the movie "Samson and Delilah").

Turkish music.

Some kind of pure sugar on a stick. Looks like a lollypop. Its for tea.

The constant tea drinking.

Dates (the fruit).

I don't mind all this new stuff. In fact, its quite comforting. Eating fruits and pretending I am in a desert somewhere in some kind of love story...wearing all that silky stuff floating in the desert breeze...while my knight in shining armour feeds me red grapes...

Another "tired" day...

I have been very tired lately. Which reminds me of my terrible winter when that nasty bacterial infection caused chronic fatigue. It was the most terrible thing I have every experienced. But let me not think about that...

I am having my period and feeling very uncomfortable and disgusted with myself and everything around me. I have had a shower twice today already.

I am just irritated.

Maybe I am just tired because I have been travelling a lot around the city lately. I often have to change buses, trains...almost everyday. Sometimes I miss the bus then I have to walk and then miss my next connection etc etc... Maybe that's whats got me so beat. I don't know. In fact, looking back at all the places I have been last week and how many times, I seriously don't know how I manage. I just block my mind and get into robot mode if not, I'd feel sorry for myself.

I can't stand my hair especially. It looks frizzy and dead.

I wore ear rings today to try and feel better but it just felt like dead weight on my ears so I removed them.

I hope its just cos of my hormones cos I really feel like crap. I don't feel sick though...

Just irritated and disgusted...

My friend once told me about a beautiful sunny day, when she and her guy were walking in a beautiful park, and in the moment of beauty, they stopped and kissed...

and an old woman sitting on a bench nearby squeezed her face and almost spat out the word DISGUSTING!

I feel like I could be that old woman today...

Too Afraid To Love You...

I don't want to hurt anyone.

I hate being a mean person cos I am not mean.

But I can't just let loose and enjoy anything...

And I don't want to punish anyone for another's sins...

I can't relax, you know.

The only thing I think about all the time is

"I can't afford to lose one more teardrop from my eye"

I am so fucked, men.

Tired...

I feel so tired.

So I am watching some Naija music with Terry G to give me some energy...

Yep. I like that mad man Terry G.