In an r'n'b mood...

I am rehearsing for New Year...

Update on stuff...

Eye is healing wonderfully, I have been a good patient and my mum is here cooking, cleaning and all that mummy stuff.

I wish I could meet my Godson now, I know I will impress him with the fact that I actually have a mummy. He says I am "1000" years old.

I haven't done much "thinking" this Christmas, just glad and at peace in a weird way.

I spent too much money on groceries but I know it made my mum happy to feel like I had stocked up on really good food.

Okay, now my flow has been disturbed by my mum.

Got to go.

To my ever faithful readers, you are all appreciated more than you know.

Love.

Eye surgery...

Had eye surgery two days ago.

Its the most painful thing on planet earth.

I am typing with one one eye.

I was in excruciating pain most of that night. I started hallucinating and what not. Its the worst thing I have ever been through.

I took a taxi home after the surgery by myself and felt lonelier than ever.

Then I got off at the wrong building. My neighbour who became my nurse as well, came down to meet me.

For two days I have mostly been in bed, calling my neighbour on my phone and waking up long enough to eat or take more pills etc.

Today though, I woke up, had a shower, washed my hair. made some food for myself and was awake for a little bit then I dozed off again.

Now I woke up again, ate something, will take pills and sleep and hopefully when I wake up tomorrow my mum will be here and everything will be fine again.


My friend asked me if I knew anything more depressing than being alone at Christmas in a hotel. Well, try being alone with an operated eye.

This has been the most painful shit I have ever been through. All I could say to people when they called was "I am in fucking pain".


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I am glad I have done this finally and next year can start without health stuff on my mind.

Be good and if you guys don't hear from me for a while its just because the light from the laptop hurts.

Lots of love,
Waffy.

The door...

"Its not as if the door is against you" my neighbour says, bursting into laughter.

"Yes, the door is against me, it hates me"

"Its just a simple stupid thing, you are angry for other reasons, its not only the door"

"Its the door. Why me?"

The door to my building is driving me crazy. I so wished I had a gun yesterday, I would have shot the fucking electronic keypad or whatever its called to pieces! My door is one of those that uses an electronic key. I came back home last Friday and it was not working. I wanted to call my neighbor to get him to open it for me but I realized my battery had died and I did not know his number off head.

I headed down to the nearby restaurant to ask if they had a battery charger and could charge my phone. Luckily for me, one of the guys had exactly the same kind of phone. I got my battery charged whilst I drank cider. Afterwards, my neighbour opened the door for me.

The whole weekend, it was the same thing. Normally, I could have also used my phone to open it but of course my phone was not registered or something so that was hopeless. Care taker's office is not opened at weekends so I had to suck it up and wait for Monday, that is, yesterday.

The guys at the office after a while give me a new key. They can't figure out why the old one does not work, everything looks fine and should work. Anyway, they give me a new one cos I insist its not working.

I get home yesterday, do you think it worked?

So there I stood, waiting outside in the cold about to ring my neighbour when I see someone about to enter the building followed some meters behind by two black guys. I realize immediately that the guys are Nigerians cos they were speaking pidgin English.

Anyway, so the first guy opens the door and so as not to let the door close behind him, I quickly hold it open so it does not jam. Now while I am holding the door with one hand and my bag with the other, these two guys, (maybe they thought it was my job to stand there and open doors for people????) just stroll past me, with me there, like an idiot opening the door for them. It was like I was totally invisible.

I was so pissed!!! I wanted to shout, "are you fucking kidding me????"

Anyway, so four of us are waiting for the elevator and suddenly I feel like I don't want to be in the same place with such rude people, so I took the stairs instead.

By the way, same thing happened while I was waiting for the bus. I was the first at the bus stop, waiting patiently. When the bus arrived, all of a sudden, some guys that had come after me, just maneuvered their way in front and got in before me whilst I was standing open mouthed by the side.

I realize its cold and everybody wants to get into the warmth but come on, some fucking decency!

Then I get home and that useless door.

I really feel like that door hates me. Everybody else's keys works, why not mine? Its very annoying.

Just another monday...

I slept like a log yesterday. All week I had been looking forward to sleeping.So many things on my mind and Christmas is not one of them. I avoid places that are near shopping malls although you can't miss the frantic shoppers on the trains and buses. Bags all around them, taking up all the space.

My friend bought all her gifts online. I thought it was a fantastic idea! Why go through all that browsing in shops with no destination? Madness.

Love life: I have stopped taking calls from potential lovers because I always have better things to do and it is hard to explain to them that my "better things" often involves reading books, writing or watching movies. They are just so uninspiring if you get my drift. They bore me. I have no lust for romance.

Well, I am boring myself these days so I really should not complain about others.

Have a good week and don't shop too much. Send cards instead, that's what I do.

Hold On...

Hold on people.

Life does get better if you hold on long enough.

Lots of love.

My friend went bananas...

I just came from a friend's place. I think she has lost it. She was screaming, banging her fist on the table, shouting right in my face, very aggressive. I can't even explain it. It was the worst scene and also the most dramatic scene I have ever been involved in. Totally unbelievable. But first, the details...

She was pissed off at her daughter's choir mistress. Why? Because the girl had been practicing for a huge concert which they had today by the way. Last week, when they had one of the rehearsals, my friend had called to say her daughter could not make it because she couldn't bring her herself and she can't ask the babysitter to do it because the person was already doing her big favour by babysitting. Choir mistress then suggested if the daughter could not be dropped off by another kid's mother (practically a neighbour). My friend then started screaming at the choir mistress and telling her that she has no right to tell her how she should fix a baby sitter, bla bla bla, that just because she is an immigrant does not mean she can not think for herself, etc etc etc.

When she told me this story, I understood why she got pissed but since I work with kids as well, I can also understand that if it is for something huge like a concert, the teacher perhaps was just anxious about the daughter's role for the concert and in my opinion, I don't think she necessarily meant anything bad.

Anyway, when my friend told me how she had screamed at the teacher, I simply said this:

"I understand why you were upset but If that had been me, I would not have taken it so seriously"

That's all I said.

She went off the handle.

She just went nuts. Screaming, crying, saying stuff about how I was on "the blonde bitch's" side. How "no bitch" should tell her that she has not seen "the whole picture", how she spends lots of money on babysitting every year...

But the biggest insult, here it is. The one that mothers always think will hurt you because you are not one. the one that for some fucking reason, they think will be a huge blow...

She said: "And anyway, you don't have a child"

All this while, mind you, I was just sitting and watching her. When she said that, I simply packed my things (I had to take the last bus anyway so its not as if I could stay longer) and said: "All these accusations are your own words. I have not said anything of all these things you are saying. I am your friend so I am always on your side but we are very different and I am just saying that I would have reacted differently had that been me. And anyway, this is totally unnecessary. Thank you for the dinner".

I can't even be angry because I think she has alcohol issues. She and another of her friends had finished a box of wine (you know those wine boxes...how many litres are they? whatever) and another bottle of something.

However, when she calls tomorrow, I am going to tell her that while I understand her issues, that will be the first and last time she ever screams at me and insults me for whatever reason.

I will take this but only this once.

She will have to apologize and then I will also suggest that we don't meet or contact each other for a while because I don't want to see her for some time.

If she does not want to apologize for whatever reason, I guess that will be it then.

I am not sad... just worried for her. That was totally crazy. It can't be normal to react like that.

I am tired.

Another radio favourite...

Yeah, wide awake.

5:09 am...

and awake.

I enjoy these times alone.

I enjoy spending this time in my own world, doing my own things.

When I leave my space, I also enjoy being in the outside world doing outside world stuff.

However, anytime I am here, its my little refuge from everything and everyone.

I don't have to worry about anybody else apart from myself and that's always a huge burden off my shoulders.

A friend asked me the other day how I can be so happy to be in both places. Well, the thing is, nobody ever forces me to be outside or come back inside. I do both because I want to. When I leave this place, I enjoy doing what I have to do outside and when I come back, I look forward to coming back and being by myself. Its quite simple actually.

My friend's daughter was here yesterday. I enjoyed her company but I was also looking forward to her leaving and having my space back.

I don't think I am extreme but I agreed with my friend that I don't really have any middle ground. In both places, outside and inside, I have to enjoy doing whatever it is I am doing or else it all falls to pieces.

Yeah, perhaps some people will understand it and perhaps they won't.

But who cares? Its my world and I can do whatever I want to do.

Europe's song for the winter.

Always on the radio, this is definitely the song for New Year... David Guetta is king of Europe.

"I'm gonna fucking kill myself!"

I was at this concert last month and I can never forget this guy who in a moment of pure ecstasy shouted "I'm gonna fucking kill myself"! It was all too much for him. I remember everybody around me just dying of laughter cos we could all feel his emotion...lol...anyway, so I finally found a clip of it. Anytime I remember this particular moment, I smile cos everybody around me was so fucking high on the music. The moment is at 2:03. Great memory.