Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The frustrating recipes of Mr.Chow

Mr.Chow had lived in the same house for thirty years with his wife, everybody on the street of goatskin knew that and everybody in the town of catskin knew that too. Now, of course, the street and the town was not always named goatskin and catskin but that is what Mr chow called it and that was what everybody allowed him to do. On the 5th day of august, a young man named Nache sauntered into the street of goatskin. Nobody knew if that was his real name but that is the name he told the first resident of goatskin he met. Nache said he had come all the way from the other side of town (which Mr. Chow called pigskin)to find a solution to his problem. He said goatskin was famous for solving the problems of young adulthood and that is why he had come.

"Ah...you will be needing Mr. Chow" said the first resident of goatskin.

"I heard all my problems can be solved....here"

"Yes, you will be needing Mr.Chow's frustrating recipes" replied the first resident of goatskin and duly described the house of Mr.Chow which was at the very end of goatskin street.

The young man had not gone more than ten meters when he encountered the second resident of goatskin.

"Are you seeking Mr. Chow?" asked the second resident of goatskin.

"Yes, I will be needing a frustrating recipe"

"Ah! ...you won't regret it; there is his house, the house with red bricks and a yellow roof"

When Nache reached the end of goatskin, all seven residents were already gathered in front of Mr.Chow's, including first resident and second resident.

Mr. Chow himself was chopping pieces of meat on a brown chopping board. He smiled when he saw Nache and invited him in for tea which his wife brought in on a tray.

Nache soon found himself pouring out his soul to the old man and the residents of goatskin.

"I mean...I just want to break up with her...but I do not want to really do it"

The residents nodded and Mr. Chow said “A very wise choice, to break up with someone and not really do it".

"Is this possible?"

Mr. Chow smiled as the residents of goatskin smiled back in encouragement.

"You ask if it is possible? Nothing is impossible with my frustrating recipes...but first, you must promise to do exactly as I say"

Nache promised with grave solemnity and a couple of goatskin residents acted as his witnesses.

"First of all, you must cease all contact immediately with this woman...but only for a certain period of time"

"For how long?"

"Forty-eight hours, not more, not less"

"Then what?"

"Then, you wait until you see she is worried...a good sign would be when she sends an angry message. Do not reply a pleading one, or a sad one, or an upset one...it must be an angry one...that is the sign that contact should be initiated"

Nache was scribbling furiously on a piece of paper that second resident had provided him with.

"Now, when you get the angry message, you wait for another twenty-four hours, and then, you send a nonchalant message back...nothing important"

"And what if she replies?"

"Now here, you have to be very careful, this is the trick...you reply back and tell her you will contact her "later"....do not specify when"

"And do I contact her?"

"No...But anytime she sends a message, (do not under any circumstances talk to her in person or by phone) reply with the word "later"

"And then what?"

"And then nothing. You leave her to get frustrated. This is one of my most famous recipes, it never fails. In a matter of hours, she will be frustrated and never even want to hear from you again"

Nache thanked the residents of goatskin and Mr. Chow and promised to do as he was advised.

Two weeks later, Nache was back on goatskin with a basket of fruits for the residents of goatskin. As they sat eating bananas and oranges on the porch of Mr. Chow's house, Mrs. Chow called out to Mr. Chow, for the fifth time from behind the house "Mr Chow! I will be needing your help again!", and Mr.Chow dutifully got up from his seat and when to the back of the house for the fifth time.

When Mr Chow returned, Nache asked "Why don't you try one of your frustrating recipes on her, Mr. Chow?"

"Why would I want to do that? I love Mrs. Chow, I will get up a hundred times if I had to"

"Maybe you can give me a recipe for love" asked Nache

"Mr. Chow does not give out love recipes"

That was the last time any of the residents of goatskin saw Nache. Although, of Nache's girlfriend who had been the victim of Mr. Chow's frustrating recipes, the residents saw every day. For not only did Mr. Chow give out frustrating recipes, but he also gave consolation recipes...and first resident had followed Mr. Chow's recipe to the latter and soon enough, there was an eighth resident on goatskin street.

14 comments:

Uzezi said...

first

Uzezi said...

“A very wise choice, to break up with someone and not really do it".

that is funny

at the beginning, the characters reminded me of folklores

then going on, that is how some useless men, play with a girl's intelligence, those message things.

im hissing please, cos i have a reason and u know. at the end of the day he wants recipe for love and it's been in his face all day. some guys are just stupid! not u, my fav male blogger. and not u either.

Mogaji said...

Haha. I haven't spoken to my boyfriend since friday, maybe he's been visiting Mr. Chow. Nice metaphor by the way.

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

a lot of guys do this. they even make the girls break up with them. losers.

and see the giver of recipes, enjoying his tym with his mrs. see how guys can be mislead by their guys. i wonder if they realize they make stupid decisions sumtyms.

Nigerican said...

i saw "cutting meat" and i was expecting this guy to give him one mean chinese receipe... lol, nice one. Thank goodness i only send one message... no response= your bad,not mine.

Idemili said...

Girl, I dey commot o!

I'm using this medium to thank everyone who read/commented/shared my blog journey with me.

I will miss you all but like I keep saying, you can email me on idemmili@hotmail.co.uk.

See you next lifetime!

archiwiz said...

LOL...This is funny...and true. It reads very much like what I would expect of a Chinese folktale.

Frustrating recipes, and consolation recipes...he gave out...but gave out no love recipes...

Free-flowing Florida said...

uh-huh! what lady hasn't suffered 4rm mr chow's frustrating recipe in her life-time. i hate, hate, hate dat recipe. i mean, if e no want again, y can't he just come out plain & talk am? it's more painful dat breaking up with me without really doing it

Ms. Catwalq said...

the mumu

plus, why does it have to be a chinese medicine man? ehn?!!!!

Afolabi said...

for some reason, I feel Mr Chow might be getting it on with Nache's ex-girlfriend. I mean, if the frustration recipe doesn't come with a price, then, the consolation recipe must definitely have one- in kind, that is.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...incredibly funny!!...i like the way you told this story...

mizchif said...

Very nice story, with a very real moral to it.

naijalines said...

Good one, Waffy. Really enjoyed reading this piece. The pitfalls of advice-taking has really done the rounds in blogville this week. Your story capped it all nicely.

Anonymous said...

I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link