Monday, December 17, 2007

Cold cold, heart

"I love you" she said. He could not look at her; he turned his back and pretended he was asleep. He knew she was awake, he could tell from her breathing, he was so used to it now, the way she breathed, it had its own rhythm, like everything else in his life. He waited until she was fast sleep and crawled out from underneath the sheets, his feet touched the cold floor and the unexpected sharpness of the cold made him take a deep breath, he could not sleep beside her, not like this. He opened the door of the balcony and tried to think...back to the days when saying "I love you" had been so easy, the days when he had thought that he knew what love is, the days he had been convinced he loved...

He had been young then, life was full of promises and then he had met her...Pamela. Life with Pamela...it had been...glorious. That was the only word he could use to describe it, glorious. Breakfasts in bed, sex in the middle of the day, late night outings, vacations to the most amazing places, dinners and shopping sprees. It had been glorious. He did not remember when he first started hating going home. He could not remember when her perfect teeth began to look like fangs, he did not remember when that oval face he loved to kiss became shapeless and her hair that he once lovingly put his fingers through became barbed wire, tearing at the skin of his fingers...he could not remember when she became ugly. He had come home one day, and instead of Pamela, stood this person, an imitation of Pamela. His days and nights became hell but he tried, to live with her...the imitation of Pamela, until that night when he came home and the barbed wire had turned to snakes....then he knew he had to let her go.

"Why won't you let me love you?" Sandra stood at the door of the balcony, asking him with those intense eyes of hers...
"Go back to bed Sandra, I'll be in a minute, it’s a bit nippy out here"
"Why?"
He did not answer the question, he had no answer.
"John, why won't you let me love you?"
Again, he was silent.

He stood out on the balcony and watched her put her bag in her car, he watched her get in and watched her drive off.

10 comments:

Patrice said...

You know too much Waffarian.

Waffarian said...

@Patrice, I am guessing you know as much.

Isi said...

why should i suffer for another woman's 'crime'?
if she hurt u, why should i be the one to pay?
i come with my own worth; my own elements...
i love this piece....its nostalgic!
i thank god for new beginnings!
waffy how u dey?

hi patrice!!! :-)

Atutupoyoyo said...

What is the answer to these questions you raise waffy? Where does the love go? Back to heaven? Surely it cannot just dissipate into nothingness. Or is there a love warehouse somewhere? Are they innundated with damaged and returned love? How can something so valuable, so weighty just disappear and never be found? Is there a Love police? Is there a number to ring for missing love? Too many questions. My head is hurting.

P.S: Your post on Who drinks this much gave me an idea for something. Permission to use abeg? Thank you

Afrobabe said...

I wonder why the suddenly decide not to say I love you any more...I dont say it myself but hearing him physically hold it back gets to you...guys you kill the love before it even blossoms.

Waffarian said...

@Isi, our experiences in life form who we are...but the truth is we will never really know what is ahead of us...mystery of life.

@atutupoyoyo,ahhhhh, thats the problem isn't it?

"How can something so valuable, so weighty just disappear and never be found?"

Yes, that is it. Is it an illusion? was it all a lie from the very begining? fooling ourselves...in believing...that this must be love...these feelings we can not describe...has to be love...perhaps it never was?

@afrobabe, yeah...they don't even try...what's the fun of life if we don't even try?

aworan said...

Love's a funny thing (well, it's not really a thing, is it??) at times..

interesting read.

Kiibaati said...

Seems we rush in to fall in love but walk out gradually...

Onome said...

i really wonder wat could have gone wrong...could it be someone else.....orrr????.....i really wonder...thanks for stopping by my post dude;-)

Onome said...

ooo...and merry christmas to u too!!!