Raisins and thoughts...

Eating raisins...while others cry for the loss of a mother, a father, a childhood, guns and bombs, scars and tissues....I am eating raisins. I wonder why I am not there, crying among the unfortunate, am I a better person than they are? Certainly not. My good deeds are yet to be written about and I know not if they affect anyone. So I watch the news and avoid your eyes...don't look at me like that, I would help if I could...does thinking about you help? I think of you often...misery...and poverty...I think of you, but mostly, I run away from you. It is scary to be near you...I am not as brave as many around the world. I could do more....more than I do...my age long brownie principle of "one good deed a day" is no longer enough...I thought it would be...I mean...I do try...but it does not get to you does it? Even if I help an old woman cross the street...you are still hungry and your child still dying...it will not get to you...so I avoid your eyes...I will pretend my "one good deed a day" somehow manages to get to you, through the mystery of the beautiful circle of humanity...maybe the old woman I help will be so happy, she'll send a donation to red cross and then red cross will buy some food and then your neighbour would get a carton and because you are so good...she will share it with you? That thought makes me happy...maybe I can eat my raisins and think of you eating and your child finally smiling again? That would be something!