Monday, May 11, 2009

VACANCY: HUSBAND WANTED!

The position to be waffy's husband and partner for the next three years is now available for suitable candidates. Due to the demanding and aggressive nature of men living in the "diaspora", all African men living abroad need not apply. Europeans may be considered.

Please look through the requirement section before applying.

1. Applicants must be virgins.


2. Applicants must at present, be living in a village.

3. All applicants must be earning a living in one of the following livelihoods: Fishing, farming or hunting. Teachers may be considered.

4. All applicants must have at least standard six education or its equivalent. No university graduates will be considered.

5. Height is not a requirement but muscles are. The man should be able to pound yam and fufu at least twice a week.

6. Must be submissive and soft spoken.

7. Must be able to clean, wash and cook.

8. Must be willing to stay at home alone for long periods of time.

9. Good English is not a requirement but should be able to say "Welcome home" and "Good bye".

10. Must be willing to cater to the needs of other family members.

The position is only available for 3 years as waffy realises that sooner or later his fellow men abroad will "open his eyes" .

All CVs should be submitted to the comment section of this post
.

20 comments:

Adaeze said...

LOL :-D

girlpower. i like it.

Fluffycutething said...

LMAO I'll be most willing to be on the panel to decide the finalist please LOL

Anonymous said...

LOL.... I agree, Ur very own village man. Good one !

princechima said...

i am interested in your offer. all the qualities listed in your post above fits me perfectly. will appreciate your prompt response to my humble application.
NB: An uncle of mine helped me type this response/comment.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Good morning madam,
I will like to extend and profer my services as an intermediary between yourself and my clients. As the head match maker of Ogbuefi Local Government area, I can assure you that I have at least fifteen young and virile men suitable for the position.

If you are interested in negotiating the terms of this contract, please contact me by email on womanwrapperprovider@ogbuefichocolatecandy.com
and we can set up an account for you.

Also,if you contact us in the next 48 hrs with the promotional code: notdesperatejustanxious, we will give you a 40% discount on our service fees.

I look forward to assisting you in the procurement of a husband from the the illustrious and highly fertile local government area of Ogbuefi

Odikwa strong thing!!!!

Sincerely
Madam Catwalq, (Chief, Mrs,Dr. Professor, Esquiress)

Tyger said...

lovely post!

the tables have been turned!
very good!

shows these men how stupid they look going to the village to get themselves wives! glad that is no longer the norm? i think that has now changed to catching them young... and young is getting younger by the hour!

Tigeress said...

lmho!! my dear if u're looking for village husband- the use of internet might not be the right medium. Have u thot of using town criers?

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, you forgot must be able to "bolo" effectively.lol.Ah ah village boy can give good loving not so?Hehehehe.


Nanko.

leggy said...

lol..yeah i agress with tigeress..town crier!!

Adeleke Adesanya said...

The requirements actually looks like the perfect checklist for a mail order bride.And even those ones (virgins fa!) are getting scarce.

FFF said...

LOL. come dis gal, u sure say u r not advertizing 4 a dude, cos it sounds exactly d list a man would be requiring. lmao @ catwalq's womanwrapperprovider. u no serious gurl!





We have a BAMBINA contributor, y'all. A dude!!! He is sharing his story of how he 'cornered' his woman & got her pregnant!! Next week, Brown Girl will be sharing with on her antenatal experience & much more. Be sure to drop by again. Plus, new contributors are still being sought, so feel free to add your own story. Visit http://idreamtofu.blogspot.com for details on how.

Secret Diary said...

Virgin??? Virgin??? Virgin??? Virgin??? Virgin??? Virgin??? Fact: Around the world, there are MORE virgin girls than virgin men. I WAS 13 YEARS OLD LAST TIME I WAS A VIRGIN. You could say I am very experience, hence do not qualify for your vacancy. I am very corrupt. I don't live in Nigeria. I'm not a farmer. I'm more than a graduate. My height disqualifies me. I am not submissive for no one. I am not a sissy man. I am not softly spoken. I have never pounded yam or fufu in my life. Clean, wash and cook? U got to be joking. Never. You want VIRGIN to clean, wash, cook and pound yam for you??? You forgot to put "brain dead" in your phedocology advert. Where are you gonna get a virgin in Nigeria? Abi na under-age you dey look for? Someone wey no go fit find his way with you in the dark na him you want? Learner driver??? Experience means nothing to you? How about sextisfaction? So na bush, bush villager wey go slave and cook for you and your "family members" na him you wan marry? You are funny. Marry am. We go "open his eyes" within 30 days and before you know it him go bi vip member at the nearest pole dancing club. Your job advert should have been titled, "NAKED MALE SLAVE WANTED. NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED. APPLY WITH YOUR D*CK IN YOUR HAND"

Anonymous said...

na wah ooooooo

StandTall-The Activist said...

Abi o. If this can be demanded of a woman, why not a man that needs a wife.

LusciousRon said...

Very fuuny and a virgin to boot. That I think is non-existent. Let me shortlist the applicants for you. *wink*

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

You this babe...lol!

Crnk Mnky said...

and the funniest part is Secret Diary missed the whole thing. even my slow American brain got the joke/irony by #6.

Anonymous said...

Hey, it may be hard finding a european village man who will be able to pound yam, maybe you should consider importing one of them village boys from Ogwashi-uku or some place like that. At least those ones are strong like kpanla and can pound too...
Good luck hope u get some candiddates.
Kr

said...

@ Crnk Mnky ... Hey! Hey! Hey! I was joking with my comment (a joke meant to be funny - Not taken seriously - Made as free speech and without malice - No harm or offence intended!) and so was The Waffarian's post.

I laughed reading and commenting it. I enjoyed it cos I thought it was funny turning the table on men :) ... Her post was a change for me from reading annoying, depressing and brain-dead Naija Moaner Lisa bloggers moaning on a daily basis about personal issues (that should never be online), politics, corruption and scandals in Nigeria. I’d rather sit on a dentist’s chair whilst listening to the national anthem of Sadganistan {on endless repeat} for a whole day having my teeth pulled out one after the other without anesthetics than read or comment on those silly blogs ever again :) ... Some of those horribly low intelligence bloggers masquerading as intellectuals should be sent to the electric chair for crimes against intelligent opinion :) I can only describe their blogs as being worst than watching Teletubbies on telly. Each time I read those lousy mediocre blogs, I feel dumped down that I often have to read grown up blogs to brain up. A lot of those meaningless blogs should be slapped with health warning.

It was a joy to read The Waffarian's post.

Kiddo, shame you don't have a sense of humour. I forgive you for your "slow American brain".

Anonymous said...

Nice brief and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you as your information.