Ogbunike and other stories ....

"Ogbunike you are a useless man oh! haba! see the way you just dipped your hands into the palm oil like that!"
"Ah ah! Papa Pius, you know yam and palm and oil is one of my favourite dishes! especially when prepared by your wife Carol"

"Ogbunike, I will tell you again, you a useless man! the next time you dip your hands into my palm oil, you will see trouble......by the way, have you heard?"
"Heard what pappa Pius?"

"The Iroko tree has fallen"
"Ahhhhhhhhhh, you mean...."

"Yes, I mean it, cut at the stump, it fell sideways...heavy, like a pregnant woman"
"The iroko tree.....has finally fallen"

"Ogbunike, a word of caution... beware of where you dip your fingers...things are happening in this village....beware"
"Pappa Pius, I have heard. Your words are always sound. I shall be cautious....but we all know who the best drummer is in Ogbatofia"

"Yes, Ogbunike, we know, but I have heard that Ikemefuna and his people, especially Mazi Edoh, they have been to our king, word is, this year, the stump of the Iroko tree is to be shared!
"Abomination! the stump of the Iroko tree has always belonged to my people! the ancient drummers of Ogbatofia! abomination! the king will not do it....he can not".

"That is for our King to decide, but sit my friend, let me send for more palm oil, this is new yam, just harvested yesterday by Carol, let us eat, the heat of the yam, calls now"
"Thank you Pappa Pius let us eat"

To be continued.

How I am feeling today

Yeahhhhhh!

Hissssssssssssssssssss!

The useless woman don resign, na so she just dey cry anyhow, I no even understand why she just dey misbehave like that, anyway, the highlight of the whole occasion na

"Then, some female members of the chamber, led by Hadija Bukar Ibrahim from Yobe State, knelt down before Etteh for about five minutes, pleading with her to thrown in the towel".

I no know wetin dey do naija people, all this kain serious embarrassment! anyway, make una enjoy the report here.

06:05 and high life

I am up. Listening to high life and drinking a cup of coffee. Try it. Quite refreshing. Once again, what will my life be without music? Ahhhhhh Oliver de Coque...... make i go "baff"!

P.S: I think I will be eating egusi today....there's just something about highlife....I wonder where I can get "cowleg" in this city?

Can't get enough of Ibori

If you, like me, can't get enough of Jamie boy, pls go here and here.

"You are really looking good waffy!"
Yeah, yeah, and so what? I went through a great deal of fucking stress to make it it to your party....
"Oh Thank you so much",
Let us see, a glass of champagne, whatever, anything to drink, help get through this....
"Oh the flowers are so beautiful! wow! what a mighty bouquet",
Ah! no need to heap too much praises, all you have to do is take the time and effort and fucking go to the ghetto, you'll get a mighty one, those Arabs, they know their stuff.....
"Glad you like it!"
Hmmmmm, good, I don't have to do anything, I'll just sit and make small talk..... how absurd... today, I really have nothing to say, no idle conversation, no observations, nothing, I am dry. The house is looking very nice... whatever...I really have nothing to say....my thoughts are on other things....I want to go home....I have nothing to say....
"waffy, your hair really suits you, brings out your eyes"
"Thank you, can't wait for it to grow again"
Normally, I would have told them the story of my hair turning to "dada", but I really do not feel like it today, I am dry. Time to eat, thank God, I was turning into a fossil in the corner, I will eat fast, so I can leave, here is your present, happy you like it, bought it with my heart, yes.... but I need to go, this place, I need to go. Thank you for everything, the food was delicious. Good bye everybody, I will not bother hugging you all, I need to go, it is cold, dark. I can only walk as fast as I can. I am not happy, it is dark, I need to get home. I am not happy.

An unwelcome distraction....

Dear friend,

Your life must be so busy, with so many moments in the day. I can only imagine how distracting my texts and e mails have been to you. I can only imagine the time wasted answering my mails and texts. Time you could have spent doing something more important than answering me. I can only imagine how my texts have irritated you, coming at odd times, when you are busy living your very interesting life. I wonder how many calls you have diverted and how many texts have gone unanswered because of your so busy life. One thing is for sure, I am an unwelcome distraction in your life. I will distract you no more, so you can live your life without the annoying plings of incoming texts and emails.

Yours sincerely
waffy

P.S: It is only because I am not sure if you smile or sigh when you get my texts/emails. It is a burden on my mind, I'd so hate for it to be a sigh!

Radio is trying to kill me

Okay, I am on the way to the balcony...but wait....there's a bottle of vodka...its 12:11, is it too early to start drinking?

I hope all those involved die a horrible death, whilst choking on their own vormit!

"There and then she was stripped naked and her pubic hairs forcefully shaved and forced down her throat. She said that the psychopaths made jest of her and poured dry gin into her private part. When she attempted to shout, they were infuriated and decided to poke her private part with sticks and broken bottle while laughing her to scorn"


A young girl, relative of an AC member was gang raped and tortured by PDP thugs and the criminals are still free? while the girl is still in hospital, traumatised and scarred for life? for what? politics? I am too angry and upset to write. What the hell is this? Abeg, read the shocking story, here

NOTE: Can't for the love of God, find the article on the guardian website. It was writted under "editorial" and was published 25/10/07. I think the title was "rape of a school girl in Ilesa" or something similar!

Just read this on the guardian website, and I almost fell off my chair with laughter. Oh Lord! Please save us, this is too much. Abeg, read the whole tory here but na the part underneath na im sweet me pass! I am dying ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!




"The former governor may be facing trial over illegal acquisition of assets in a London court, his kinsmen back home in Oghara have vowed to defend the honour of the beleaguered former governor.

Rising from a meeting in Asaba yesterday, they condemned what they described as a calculated attempt to tarnish Ibori's eight years administration in the state, emphasising their "readiness to ensure that those glorious years are not in vain."

Present at the meeting were the Delta State Commissioner of Special Duties, Mr. Champion Kpateghe; the Iyasere of Oghara, Chief Champion Oboh-Uzzi; High Chief William Ibori and a host of others.

Kpateghe said that no matter the travail Ibori may be facing today, there is no denying the fact that he remains a great force to be reckoned with in Nigerian politics, alleging that the whole affair smacked of the machination of some people who are not comfortable with the rising profile of the erstwhile Delta

governor.

While urging all Deltans to be steadfast, the Commissioner advised people to shun divisive tendencies as what is most required at present is the unity of all the different ethnic groups that make up the state.

As a top official of the current administration of Governor Emmanuel Uduaghan, he promised to always strive to maintain the legacies of his kinsman".


Honour? glorious? legacy? dem dey craise? for which state? Delta? e be like say winsh don catch all of them. They should go for deliverance before its too late!

Nb: imagine the kain people wey dey support am, their names na "Champion", abeg i go die today! "machination?" I never hear that kain thing before, anybody know wetin dat wan mean?

A message

Hi,

I just sent a message urging the IMF to fulfill a promise they made to cancel Liberia's debt. Right now they are saddled with $4.5 billion of debt that was accumulated under corrupt dictator Samuel Doe. If the IMF were to fulfill its promise to cancel this debt the democratic government could dedicate resources to fighting poverty and rebuilding their country after 14 years of civil war.

You can send an email to the IMF here
Thanks for taking action with me.

Happy Birthday to my raz sister! Enjoy Bright Chimezie!

We enjoy this song die for Warri those days!

Thoughts, flowing, connecting.......me and whatever.....

As I sit here, in front of my screen, many thoughts run through my head, sometimes they pass through unchecked, memories and other observations of my life. In no particular order, I can remember a particular hot day in Warri drinking Limca, or an old woman's mole that fascinated me on the bus and a reflection or two about a conversation I heard. But sometimes,a simple reflection turns into scrutinizing, an analysis of the subject, further examination and finally I am forced to start writing. Today, one word, led me to analyse my identity as a human being and became an on going process that has led to this very moment. It all started when a friend of mine, left a message on my answering machine, she said " waffy! u no dey even try at all oh, I don phone you tire, try phone me back now, at least send sms.....love you!". I listened to the message and slept off, thinking nothing of it, then I called another friend of mine, made plans for lunch tomorrow and watched "spanglish". That movie made me cry at the end, when she said "mi amor"..... those two words, "my love".... then re connected to that message "love you"! and of course, the wheels of reflections about love was already set in motion. I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday, and then before I rang off she said "by the way, our winter song is "bed" by J. Holiday", so of course, I had to go to youtube to check out "our" winter song, which was again, about love. Well, I am sure you would think that I started dreaming about a love long lost, knight in shining armour, etc. Wrong. This time around, because the word "love" was connected to so much today, a friend, a film, a song, my mind thought of anything and everything. I started thinking about all the things I love doing. I love reading, I love ice cream, I love books, I love leaves, I love music, especially reggae, I love train stations, I love thinking, I love writing about thinking.........and then, I started thinking about me, my identity, who I am, I am complicated, I think too much, I don't claim to be wise, but I try to make the right decisions, I don't ever wish anybody harm, I love life, I love living but sometimes I can be really depressed, at those times, the world is a useless place and everybody in it. I try to be happy, but I am not always happy, when I have money, I give, even if I don't have so much. I don't mind trying new things, adventures, of the heart and soul. I never forget a good deed done to me and I try to make the person know that I appreciate it. I get mad at times, but soon enough, I forget about it, as time goes on. I make huge catastrophic mistakes sometimes but I always accept the consequences. I try not to regret things, I try to move on even though sometimes it seems like I never will. My biggest wish in life is to have love and happiness for myself, friends and most of all, for my family. This is who I am, I am not perfect, I am an ordinary human being, hoping and wishing for the right thing. I know who I am. Love is beautiful, love from my friends, my family, love from the world, but most of all, I love being me. I am okay.

P.S: Hers's our winter song, enjoy!

dis kain ashawo song for winter na wa oh!

The dirty dirty world of Niger Delta politics, goverment, arms, money, all sorts!

This might take some time, but for those of you that really want to know how deep the rot is, here is your chance.You all think "Niger-Delta", is far away, those crazy waffy people, the butt of all jokes? Perhaps your views on just how seriously fucked up Nigeria is will change after you read this. Disgusting on all levels.

What will my life be without reggae?

Friday night, listening to music and dreaming of Cuba and white wine!

Global Democracy Day

Today (October 18th), We join the Global Democracy Day Work group, in the efforts to persuade the UN member countries to back the proposal to set aside October 18th as the Global Democracy day. The work group intends to get the United Nations to declare October 18th the official international day for democracy. Please join us as we take a stand for democracy and good governance in Nigeria.
We believe that an increased awareness about the issues relating to governance will serve to nurture democracy in Nigeria. Join The NigerianLightHouse, let us encourage democracy in Nigeria.

Conversations here and there

At the bus stop

Mother: So, it is really very hard

child : Mummy are you talking about me?

Grandma: Please child, I and your mother are discussing now.....

Mother: Anyway, so while all this is going on.....

Child: Mummy, what are you talking about?

Mother: Please, can you be quiet, I and your grand ma are having an adult conversation...

Child: Grandma, are you talking about me?

Grandma: No, please be quiet now.

Child: Mummy are you talking about me?


On the train

Girl on phone: Do you think you can come and pick me up?
Why can't you?
No, thats not true, I never ask you to pick me up....
In fact, come to think of it, why don't you?
Other boyfriends, don't they pick their girlfriends?
I don't understand why you can never help me out, after all, it is not everytime I ask you for a favour.....
Really, when last did you pick me up?


At another bus stop

Young boy: Really, I think teachers are so stupid!

Friend: Me too! their own is just to follow their fucking syllabus! they are so dumb!

Young boy: I can't stand teachers, they are so stupid sometimes!

Young boy: They never give good grades for those that try really hard, for example, i always get good grades in P.E, even though I miss classes, but because I am so fit, ofcourse I can do all the exercises we are given, but there is a guy in my class that is overweight, he is always present and tries really hard, but ofcourse he can not do all the physical activities properly because of his weight, and he never gets good grades! I think thats unfair!

At the Sauna

Teenage girl: So did you check the text? what did she say?

Other teenage girl: She was like, ehhhh "It was a tough week but i am better now"....... something like that... at least she answered my text....like....its like...it would have been embarassing other wise....i don't know....like...but ...

Teenage girl: Like how?

Other teenage girl: Like, I don't know if she was just being polite...you know...if she was really being honest.....I mean....its like....Its been a week now...do you think she can get over him so fast? ....like, I don't know....its just somehow....

Teenage girl: The thing is like, she has bad self esteem, like self confidence...

Other teeange girl: Its like, outside, she is like, very outgoing....but inside...I mean...I think she has bad self esteem....and it shows...like it shows....

Teenage girl: And what did Sabrina say?

Other teenage girl: ehhhh, she was the one that told me they had broken up....when she told me she sounded so...eh...serious but later when I asked her ....she was just like....eh? like who cares? that sort of thing....so I don't know, but the thing is, he never really liked her anyway....so I don't know....she has bad self-esteem.

Only 4 Naija - Terry Tha Rapman 2007

Na correct person be dis!

Is God Democratic?

All over the world this week, Democracy is being celebrated. Many questions are being asked and answered. Here is one of the questions: Is God Democratic? Some said "yes", their reasons being that God states that all humans are equal and are of the same value to the Lord. This, they believe, is a fundamental issue in democracy. Others, believe otherwise, they say there are many examples of "a jealous God", "you must serve no other", etc, pointing to a more "dictator style" than democracy. What is your opinion? Is God democratic?

Also, please check out this website, called why democracy?

It is a wonderful project involving 38 public service tv stations all over the world. They will be showing different documentaries and short films about democracy. I have watched two so far, and they have been very interesting and eye-opening. Go to the website and check for the screening time in your country. The documentaries will run from the 8th of october. I implore you all to watch a few of them, if not all!

Here are the documentaries and the short films.

For those too lazy to check out the website, hope this gets you interested!

Does it ever end?

Another case of "renovation", na wah, dem dey take this their renovation business serious oh! Abeg, read about the nonsense, here.

Osayomore Joseph : Forever - 2 (PDP)

The truth hurts oh!

Osayomore Joseph : Forever - 1 (PDP)

This video sweet me well well!

About Delta......

Please, take your time to see this, here

Ibori, where your handwork?

Dedicated to James Ibori

and that useless Ibori.....

Always disgracing us....read more here.

Airport Blues.......

"Please wait", that's what the damn board says, "Please wait". I want to go now, I don't want to wait. Here. Alone. Why can't I travel with other people? Why do I always have to travel alone? Look, there's a mother and daughter, a whole family, two friends, partners, team mates, there goes a whole bunch of well dressed young men, I bet they are going for some serious meeting in Venice or Rome, some high class top priority meeting. Why can't I be in that group? go for meetings that make decisions that change the world? Why can't I? instead, I am sitting here, waiting for the damn board to change...wait....I think its about to change.....damn! the same thing.....I hate this shit, sitting waiting, bloody shops, "BMV", what the hell is that anyway? "Glorious England", I bet all the American tourists are in there, buying "double decker" buses and all other worthless English souvenirs. Tax free, people going crazy cos its tax free....I'll just eat my sandwich, tuna and something. I forgot to buy something to drink, I don't dare leave my seat, I have perfect view of the board...it might change....patience, patience is the key..... the key to what?....the key...slow and steady wins the race....what the hell does that have to do with the damn board? slow and steady......and by the way, why the hell are people always blaming the "victim"? Someone steals your bag, and its always "you should have been careful", "you were careless", someone cheats on you, " you are too naive" "you should have known better", and of course the classic case, a woman is raped, "you should not have worn that" "you drank too much", Damn! I hate that shit, for once it will be refreshing for people to say "fuck that dumb ass motherfucker, hope he eats shit and die!" for once, they could find one single reason why the dumb ass was wrong.....wait......something is happening.....the board is getting into action....."Please wait".....Damn! I am not waiting, I refuse to wait, why should I wait here? I am going to my gate, why am I taking orders from a damn board anyway? I am going.......

Weekend gist........

So na so I land London. The flight was dry, apart from one screaming baby, nothing newsworthy. I always think I am going to do so much everytime I travel but unfortunatley I always end up doing the same thing. Drinking, eating and checking out the club or pub scene, whatever that country has to offer. All cultural expeditions always fly out of the window. Another wonderful reason why London is always a favourite city is Naija food. I confess, I dreamt of plantain, pounded yam, peppersoup, in fact, I had a detailed list of every naija food that I just had to eat. A friend of my sisters was visiting and she made stew with "nuneh", I have no idea how to spell it, but its black beans? whatever, she cooked that thing since thursday night and the apartment still stinks of that stuff. Damnnnnn, that shit stinks. I am still in shock over how stinky that thing can be, but the stew was sweet sha, I have to confess. Anyway, after destroying my stomach, we headed up to a salsa club. Oh boy! the heat, the heat coming from human bodies..... anyway, I was supposed to meet up with an old friend of mine there. I have not seen her in about a year, so I was quite excited to see her. She was there when we got there, I walked up to her really excited, went to hug her, she blanked me or rather, she gave me "isho". I thought she was joking, so I tried again, the same reaction. Ha! I decided to drop my coat and then come back, came back, same thing. Ha! I asked, whats up? She looked at me and said "do I know you?" Chineke! I no even fit talk, I just said, "abeg, I dont have time for this" and went on my way. Met a couple of Naija guys "gyrating" their lives away with latinas. I was impressed oh! Na me clap pass for my brothers. Haba! dem try, abeg. Na so one spanish guy come dey confess everlasting love for me, say if I touch am, im go die, I touch am, nothing happen. Hissssssss. Danced the night away, and completely forgot about my friend. She later wrote a message saying it was just a "joke that went too far". Ha! I tire for human beings oh. Apperantly, she was trying to "form" small, I was supposed to beg her small, then she was supposed to then "gree". I no know say people dey act that kind play for London. If she had sent me my "lines" on time, I would have acted my part to perfection. I will be on the bus to the airport in about an hour. My London trip was a blast, nuneh and all. I had fun.

Na wa for naija salsa dancers!

Just came back from a club, oh boy! see naija men doing all sorts. I bow oh! Dem just dey dance with Spanish women, doing dis and that, dis way and dat way! haba! Me, na Urhobo dance I give them, shuooo, the thing come sweet small self, add some ijaw moves, come top am with ibo hand movement, I am telling you, it was a hit! Anyway, going to bed now, had a great time, funny thing, did not even drink. It was fun watching everybody else having fun. Good night, hope life is treating you all well, I'll give you more gist about the salsa club tomorrow!

I just think this is so funny!

There are three classes of citizens. The first are the rich, who are indolent and yet always crave more. The second are the poor, who have nothing, are full of envy, hate the rich, and are easily led by demagogues. Between the two extremes lie those who make the state secure and uphold the laws.

Euripides - The Suppliants


Notice!
I have only two blogs, "THE WAFFARIAN"(formerly known as "waffy girl in Europe") and Waffy's Corner. However, there is another blogger called "cally-waffybabe", thats NOT me, I think she is also "calabar girl's pal".I have not sent out invites for any of my blogs.

The coolest thing.....

I wrote to one of my favourite authors in the world, Paolo Coelho, and I actually got a reply! How cool is that?

Dear Waffy,(I've removed my real name ofcourse)

I cannot begin to express my gratitude for your kind message. Knowing
what
my readers are feeling and going through in their lives only inspires
me to
continue my work.

Nothing is impossible, as long as you wish it with all your heart.

Paulo Coelho


You can laugh all you want, yes I am being childish and loving it!

Meanwhile, a few words about the book of revelation

Well, my dear people, I now understand why this earth must be wiped out. I agree with the book of revelation. It has to be done, and I implore the Lord, to do it as quick as possible. There is no such thing as humanity. That word does not exist, people are not humans. When God made humans, I am sure he gave us hearts, please check yourselves, do you have hearts? If you have, too bad, you are one in a million, most people do not have hearts. It is a rare commodity, that is why, I will pray fervently this night for the destruction of this world and all living things in it. It must all be gone. There are no hearts left in the world. Do not laugh, I am ready to go, are you?

Lord God almighty, the one who is and who was!
We thank you that you have taken your great power and have begun to rule!
The heathen were filled with rage,
because the time for your anger has come,
the time for the dead to be judged,
The time has come to reward your servants, the prophets,
and all your people, all who have reverence for you,
great and small alike,
The time has come to destroy those who destroy the earth!

Comment section.......

Dear friends,

I will be removing the comment section from my posts, not because I do not appreciate your comments, I really do, but when I started this blog, I did it because I love to write and for no other reason. I am very grateful for all the comments I have received so far and I thank you all for them. I will of course always reply my emails.

Lots of love
Waffarian


TO PATRICE: waffy's corner is now invite only, I don't know how else to reach you. Send me an email.

Happy Independence day!

Hello people, please do not forget to attend the SPEAK UP! campaign hosted by NigerianLighthouse. Those of you that did not send in any messages can still participate by attending the rally by 12pm and voting for the finalists. Nigeria is 47, we must move forward, na by force!

The eloquence of silence.......

.............