Monday, October 22, 2007

Thoughts, flowing, and whatever.....

As I sit here, in front of my screen, many thoughts run through my head, sometimes they pass through unchecked, memories and other observations of my life. In no particular order, I can remember a particular hot day in Warri drinking Limca, or an old woman's mole that fascinated me on the bus and a reflection or two about a conversation I heard. But sometimes,a simple reflection turns into scrutinizing, an analysis of the subject, further examination and finally I am forced to start writing. Today, one word, led me to analyse my identity as a human being and became an on going process that has led to this very moment. It all started when a friend of mine, left a message on my answering machine, she said " waffy! u no dey even try at all oh, I don phone you tire, try phone me back now, at least send you!". I listened to the message and slept off, thinking nothing of it, then I called another friend of mine, made plans for lunch tomorrow and watched "spanglish". That movie made me cry at the end, when she said "mi amor"..... those two words, "my love".... then re connected to that message "love you"! and of course, the wheels of reflections about love was already set in motion. I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday, and then before I rang off she said "by the way, our winter song is "bed" by J. Holiday", so of course, I had to go to youtube to check out "our" winter song, which was again, about love. Well, I am sure you would think that I started dreaming about a love long lost, knight in shining armour, etc. Wrong. This time around, because the word "love" was connected to so much today, a friend, a film, a song, my mind thought of anything and everything. I started thinking about all the things I love doing. I love reading, I love ice cream, I love books, I love leaves, I love music, especially reggae, I love train stations, I love thinking, I love writing about thinking.........and then, I started thinking about me, my identity, who I am, I am complicated, I think too much, I don't claim to be wise, but I try to make the right decisions, I don't ever wish anybody harm, I love life, I love living but sometimes I can be really depressed, at those times, the world is a useless place and everybody in it. I try to be happy, but I am not always happy, when I have money, I give, even if I don't have so much. I don't mind trying new things, adventures, of the heart and soul. I never forget a good deed done to me and I try to make the person know that I appreciate it. I get mad at times, but soon enough, I forget about it, as time goes on. I make huge catastrophic mistakes sometimes but I always accept the consequences. I try not to regret things, I try to move on even though sometimes it seems like I never will. My biggest wish in life is to have love and happiness for myself, friends and most of all, for my family. This is who I am, I am not perfect, I am an ordinary human being, hoping and wishing for the right thing. I know who I am. Love is beautiful, love from my friends, my family, love from the world, but most of all, I love being me. I am okay.

P.S: Hers's our winter song, enjoy!

dis kain ashawo song for winter na wa oh!

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