Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Chukwudi, student days, men, etc.

There is an Igbo proverb that says:"The woman carries the burdens of the world on her shoulders". When I first met Chukwudi, thats when I realized how strong and determined I could be. As I said earlier, Chukwudi is an honest guy but he was one of those guys that was constantly hanging out "at the passenger's side of his best friend's ride". He was always happy to come second. Never first.He had lots of ideas, but instead of implementing them himself, he would always be happy to let his friends do the hard work and then he could just take whatever crumbs they gave him, and believe me, he was just happy doing that. I would not say he was lazy, but I think he lacked confidence in himself.
Anyway, that's how he was when I met him, rolling with the big boys, and he had lots of good friends too because he was such a loyal friend. I recognised this very early on in our relationship and that is why I constantly pushed myself just to show him that one could do anything if we set our minds to it. The funny thing is, I actually never wanted to study abroad, I wanted to study in Nigeria because I could not bear the thought of leaving him. Somehow, I knew he needed someone to believe in him. Anyway, we were so in love, we did the whole "indian movie" love story, we shared a lot of wonderful moments together. The only reason I decided to go was because Chukwudi convinced me that that would be the best thing for "us"(Oh Lord!). He always said Nigeria was not meant for people like "us", Nigeria did not fit "us", especially him, he had big dreams, that one. I must say, in one way, I understood what he meant. He was always reading or listening to music, dreaming away. The day I decided to study abroad, I had asked him, "Chukwudi, if you had the chance to study abroad, would you do it? would you leave?" His reply:" I would go immediately, I wouldn't even think about it!"
"So you would leave me?" "Look waffarian, if I had the chance to leave this country and live a better life, I would, and you have the chance. Even if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for me. Think how different our lives would be, you could study, work and save money, and then I'll come over and join you. Imagine! by next year, we'll be together again, and we would have left this country!". Yes Oh! Because na so e dey easy! hahahahahha make I laugh small.Thats how I left Nigeria, to become a poor student, that had nothing other than the fact that Chukwudi's dreams weighed heavily on my shoulders.I was one of those "proper" students, you know, the ones that live in the hostel all year round, including christmas. If anybody knows that of kind life, na African "scholarship" students. Not those students that their parents "fixed" scholarships for them because they work in the ministries or embassies, thus, even if their parents are rich, they still enjoy government funding, Mba, I am talking about real sufferhead. The ones that actually applied, sat for an exam, and God knows how, got a scholarship. The ones that after they buy their monthly food, they can go to the cinema once. They are in campuses all over the world. Na dem know wetin real sufferhead be.
Anyway, that was the situation. During my first summer, I worked on different farms, I pluck tire, and I saved the money I got in a bank account. The money I did not save, i bought "boxers" and "t-shirts" and sent it back to Chukwudi.(hahahahahhahahahahah, abeg, make I laugh again). The small money I got from my parents, na Nitel dey chop am. Those days, to phone Naija na "try your luck". Infact, sometimes, i dey get real operator self wey i dey gist with small. The best city to phone those days na Lagos, even if you try 20 times, at least once, e must to go through. Benin.........rarely. Warri? hahahahahahahhaahhahahahabeg, no vex, wey waffy girl remember all those times wey we dey pile ourself go one of my friend's uncle office cos "from there na better connection", laugh wan kill me!
So all my extra money was spent calling Chukwudi who was hardly ever there. Even after calling repeatedly and leaving specific days and times, he never made the effort. He was busy chasing other people's dreams. That was how that year ended, I wrote letters about how much i had saved, sent pictures, called diligently. That same year, Chukwudi finished from the university. He was now officially free to start chasing his dream. That same year, I travelled to England, to celebrate "surviving" that horrible year, and also because my cousin had promised that I could use his phone as much as I wanted to call Nigeria. I was so excited, finally, I could talk "properly" to Chukwudi without my friends hovering around, we could re-evaluate our plan, I wanted to know how much he had saved, etc. I called him immediately I landed. The way he answered the phone sent chills down my spine. I knew it was over. Our time was up. He did not say anything bad or hurtful to me, it was the way he said my name, the way he talked, everything. I did not say anything, I just knew, he was still talking when I gently put the reciever down. I cried. For a long time, I cried. That was the last time I spoke to him, untill I met him again that early morning(See "I am hustling" post). I later found out that he had opened a business in lagos with one of his friends(i am not going to say what kind of business just incase, but it is something that is thriving seriously in Naija now) the year I travelled and about that same time I was in England, he was basically sitting on serious money. He was spending money like water. Yes my people, that is what had changed. That is the difference I heard in his voice that day. It was "new money" that was talking to me. All these years, I never knew. After 8 years,I find this out. I was ready to leave my home, work, do anything for him and him, he did not want to share. Simple.

So wey una dey talk say i dey harsh for dat "I am hustling" post, laugh wan kill me! Why i go pity am?and by the way, this was my first love oh!(baby girls, i sure say una know wetin dat one mean)

23 comments:

Confused Naija Girl said...

first!! let me go read!!

Confused Naija Girl said...

So you were not being harsh, he deserved it ! Men can be wicked oh! damn!

LittleGirlLost said...

Cheeky git. He deserves none of your sympathy.

anijawife said...

My advice is to let go of those feelings and wish him best of luck.God has fought your battle for you and he is reaping his reward already

law_damsel said...

true!its just dat sum pple dont know dat no condition is permanent..but 4give sha!! and im bk oh!!

Bubbles said...

I'm sure u r better off without him now anyway, so nothing spoil.

UnNaked Soul said...

*sigh* there they go there they go... short sightedness is the cause of falling inside gutter and staining yourself with potopoto...

Ubong Da said...

hmm this one na love wantintin. so tell us about ur second love

Waffarian said...

@confusednaijagirl, yep, men are really something!
@littlegirllost, me, i no dey pity am at all!
@anijawife, yeah, I know, Thank God, things turned out the way they did, my life is sooooo different from anything I ever imagined, the places i've been to, the things i've done, the people i've met, yep, Thank God!
@law_damsel, where have you been? no mind am!
@bubbles, you are so right! its crazy when i think of those days, men, being young and naive is not easy oh!
@unnaked soul, hahahahah, i love that!
@ubong, hehehehehehehh so na dis kain tories dey sweet you!

LondonBuki said...

Na wa o!!!

Idemili said...

You wicked oh! Why didn't you flash me so I would be first eh? Ok, my number is +44 1234 567 89.
Anyway, why you no talk this gist proper since? He deserved it, ekwensu! And you were busy telling him how much you had. Hei, men can be evil o!

Simply Gorgeous said...

confused what are you doing here? So you dey follow me again. Ok I will deal with you, but let me first console waffarian.

Waffarian- women are always suffering at the hands of useless men. Especially withn the one that you love first, that is the hardest.

i read and like you I did not know which emotion to express laughter or sadness. But it will all be well for you.

If he is a follower, it will only be a matter of time before that money runs out and he would be back to square one . Take heart...

omohemi Benson said...

Hmm,first love,
yeah girl I know.

It hurtful when people just change for no reason at all especially people we love.

But you are better off without him,imagine both of you together now chasing other people's dream.
Tufiakwa.
Long post but it was worth reading.

chioma said...

eh yah!..men can be silly! work out for you guys.Anyway i guess its good that things didnt All the best with hustling..lol..have a good dey waffi babe.ps..have a lot of freinds who grew up in warri,there something about that town cus tehy are all down to earth

chioma said...

what happened to excessive diva?has she stopped blogging..

Nyemoni said...

I'm just glad he saved you all the trouble if you know what I mean....

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

oh my gosh can somebody please explain to me why I have been loafting to come on this blog... I mean I read your comments on mine and I always mean to reach here... but evil always holds me back.. I bind and cast that evil warri style in jesus name.. AMEN!!! lol... I deyadd you for my favourites list for easier navigation next time.. babe you have a fan in me oh.. I love your blog.. writing style na fire... jokes... na atomic bomb... don't mind chukwudi.. he's a big fool.. i'll go down and read your entire blog.. you know me i'm a professional amebo.. so i will finish the whole gist in one go so that next time when you refer... i go dey understand ya levels.. blog on mami... you rock!!!

DonCasiragi said...

Talk true how much you send by Wesetern union? Mu e eh eh

uknaija said...

This was very moving

Waffarian said...

@londonbuki, na real wah!
@idemili, no mind me jare, next time, i go holla at you
@simply gorgeous, tamsk you very much, jare
@omohemibenson, abo oh! God know, maybe today, na pure water I for dey sell, while Chukwudi go dey chase dream! Chei!
@chioma, my sister, na so, warri people, na we deyoh! ehnn, e be like say excessive diva don travel small.
@nyemoni, honestly!
@overwhelmed, tamsk you very much! no wahala, as far as u don take style land this my small corner, i dey happy!
@doncasiragi, heheheheh, i swear, na only boxers and t shirts!
@uknaija,yeah, life

Chameleon said...

some people can be cruel sha, but in the words of JT 'whats goes around comes back around...'

chin up babes.

xxx

Refinedone said...

Waffarian.. you sowed good seeds and you shall reap a good harvest!...whatever he sowed he to shall reap his own.

Dont let anybody change the kind of person you are..never let a bad situation make a bad person out of you...

PS: now I understand the "hustling post" cos I too felt you where being abit harsh.

laspapi said...

ok waffy,
I can 'see' your pain now and the reason you wrote the "harsh" hustling post. I hate to use the terms but chukwudi's a loser and a fool. Hanging you out to dry was wrong and he misplaced confidence in his "new money".
As for the men-haters commenting on waffarian's post, there are evil women too. I speak from personal experience.