Thursday, March 1, 2007

Psycho, part two

Where was I? Yes, I was locked in. I checked if there was any way out, there was none, funny enough, I was not scared, I knew he would not harm me, I did not feel like he was a violent person, he just had some screws missing.Anyway, I looked around me and his house was so strange. Every single thing was brand new, I knew he had just bought a house but the house was so pedantly arranged. Every single thing had its place, for a guy's place, that was extremely unusual. I went upstairs and opened the wardrobe, even there, the same thing. His clothes were all neatly hung or folded, his shoes were colour coded and lined up. I opened desks, bags, the same thing, not one thing was out of place. The bathroom had the most amazing collection of hair and body products I had ever seen and everything seemed so expensive, his clothes and shoes all had designer labels, even his underwear. Anyway, after my inspection of the house, I just sat there in the darkness, I did not dare to put anything on, and waited. He finally appeared around 1pm, by that time, I had already dozed off, mind you, he picked me around 3 in the afternoon. I had not eaten all day and because of his behaviour, I did not dare say anything, I just wanted the whole ordeal to be over. Nobody said anything that night, the next day was "carnival",so I just asked him which room I was going to sleep in. He gave me a really strange room, no sheets, nothing, I just sat up all night waiting for morning.

The next morning, I took a shower before he woke up, was dressed and ready to go and by this time starving, I just wanted to go to my cousin's place. When he woke up, the first thing he did was apologise for everything, fed me this cock and bull story about family issues, etc, he still wanted to take me to the carnival and long throat like me, I still wanted to go to the carnival, anyway, when he was sure i was staying, he became happy again and went upstairs to get ready.

My people, that happiness no even last up to 5 minutes, all of a sudden I heard him screaming upstairs. Ah ah! wetin I don do again? By this time, this whole adventure is becoming amusing and I am starting to enjoy this sick man,(young girls, please do not ever try this),anyway, so what was the problem? He said "he could not believe I could do this kind of anything! after everything he had done for me, imagine, after I showered, i did not clean the bathroom!"ah ah? So I went to the bathroom to see what he was talking about, my people, I could not understand, apart from the bath tub, being a bit wet, everything was perfect, I had not touched anything or used anything! I told him I could not see what was wrong, he said, normally, he hated getting his "feet" into a wet bath tub(the funny thing was that it was not even that wet)and I should have "dried" it after my shower. Heheheheheheheheheheh, I just laughed, this one come aggravate am so tey remain small, the bobo for begin cry, he started telling me "how i could not even respect the fact that he has been living alone all these years, and how dare i think i can change him....etc) Chineke! I have been at his fucking place for one night! By this time, I realize he is just sick in the head, and i am not even bothered.

So we get to the carnival and the only thing I am interested in is getting some food, he promises to get "obalende suya" for me when we get to the naija area. Anyway, by the way, do not for a moment think, bobo has changed, all the way there, he kept on telling me how much he was doing for me by taking me to the carnival, how he normally does not go out, this and that.While at the carnival, bobo seemed to know every single Nigerian that passed us, he would always stop and chat with people and he was so nice!! People just loved him, especially the girls! everybody kept on
giving me the eye ,(as if to say, what a lucky girl), he would ask after their families, ask specific questions, tell them to phone anytime, etc. Anytime we would stop to talk to his friends, I would be laughing my heart out cos i had never seen anything so sick in my entire life!

We get to the Naija area and immediately I spot an old friend from Benin that I had lost contact with in Naija!I immediately run up to him and we are so excited!Stanley was so angry, he did not even wait to be introduced he just walked off really mad, by this time, i was tired of his antics, so I did not even care, i just kept talking to my friend, all of a sudden my friend was like "come oh, waffy girl, are you with that guy? e be like say dat one don kolo oh!) so i look at the direction my friend is pointing, and there he was, Stanley, he had bought so much suya, he could not even hold it, he was staring at me, straight in the eye and started stuffing the suya down his throat!He kept on staring at us and kept on eating the suya like a maniac, heheheheheh, anyway, i did not even look at him, my friend left and i just moved on with the carnival. He caught up with me later on and told me that "since i disrespected him by stopping to chat with another guy, i was not going to get any suya, and that he hoped i saw hm eating suya!" chei! i laugh tire! i was not even angry, i felt so sorry for him.

After the carnival, we go back to his place, and by now, I know I have just one night, i knew i could pull this off without causing embarassment for my family, i just could not think of my cousin "reporting" me to my mumsy and that is why, my dear people, instead of being afraid of a psycho, i was more afraid of disappointing my parents. (If there are young women out there, please, fuck all that "pride" shit, get out of such situations!). Anyway, we go back to his place and i spend that night in the cold room with no sheets while he sleeps on a luxurious bed. No problem, I made it through the night. I wake up early again, have my shower,"dry" the fucking bath tub and wait up for him. I go to his room and wake him up,he goes off to have a shower and I sit on his bed just looking around since I have nothing else to do and all of a sudden, I notice something peeking out from under his pillow. I pull it out from under his pillow. Its an album. I open the album and my people, what i saw in that album, i am still trying to forget it, even after all these years!The album was filled with pictures of a dead girl! yes, a dead person, in a coffin. I will never forget it, she was wearing white, i can't remember if it was supposed to be a wedding gown or if is was just a pretty dress, it was just not one picture, it was a fucking album! The whole fucking funeral was in that album, but most of all different pictures of this girl from different angles, it was as if somebody wanted to remember every single feature of her body.

Now, I am really pissed off, mad at myself for being with him, mad at my cousin for introducing me to him but most of all mad at him for keeping pictures of a dead person under his pillow.So, I take out all the pictures and throw them on the bed. I was so angry, I was fuming! When he came out of the bathroom he was shocked to see the pictures strewn all over the bed, he immediately starts crying and falls on his knees trying to pick up all the pictures, he was a real mess! Anyway, I think i must have said something like this "you sick mutherfucker! what the fuck is this? why the hell do you have dead fucking pictures under your pillow? who is she? why don't you get help, you are obviously a sick man, living like this! you are SICK SICK SICK! Fucking destructive piece of shit!"

Anyway, Stanley begins to cry and tells me she used to be his girlfriend, they were engaged and everything, and then she had to do a minor operation in the hospital(it was something simple, can't remember what, but one of those "not-dangerous stuff") anyway,he says she had annoyed him during that time(why was I not surprised?), and he was not speaking to her, she had called and begged him to visit her in the hospital but he refused to go, as luck would have it, she died during the operation and he had not been able to forgive himslef or move on since then. He was weeping, naked on the floor, with the pictures all around him. I tell you my friends, it was revolting. I tried to get myself together and asked him why he did not have pictures of her when she was alive and happy? pictures of them together when the going was good, etc, why did he choose to remember her like that? All of a sudden, he got mad again, he said they were his pictures and he will never part with them, and that he will always sleep with them as long as he lived. I don't know why the whole scenario did not touch me, cos I am an extremely sensitive person, but in this case, i was disgusted, angry, not sympathetic at all.

I decided it was time to leave this pyscho, he started crying, he started begging me to stay, he will do anything for me, pay for my fees if I moved to England, I could live in his house, drive his cars, he would do anything for me, I told him to get help, then he got mad again, he could not believe what i was doing, everything he had done for me, he was ready to give me everything and this was his thank you, my people, this time, the waffy wey enter my body, i no even answer am, i tell am say na three i dey count, if im no open door, im go see real craise person, e never jam real craise before, bobo still dey waste my time, na so oh, before im know wetin dey happen i don begin scatter furniture......men.....i took it there. Fear catch am! im open door, say make i comot for im house, say i don craise. I curse am well well before i go, anyway, na so my people, that tory come end. I went back to my cousin's, they never suspected anything. Can you imagine, untill I left England, that fool kept on visiting my cousin and his wife, sweet as can be, and everytime he came, the same thing, soooooo shy, can't even talk, always with flowers and presents for us. Since my cousin's wife did not know what had happened, she kept trying to fix me up, and anytime we were left alone in the house for a couple of seconds, i always asked if he had sought help.......he never did.

Fastfoward a couple of years, i was visiting my cousin again,and i saw some pictures of him and wait....who's that girl? is that me? Fuck! his girlfriend looked exactly like me! My cousin saw me starring at the pictures and he was like "she looks a lot like you doesn't she? so weird", my people, that was not what was weird. What was weird was that we both look like the dead girl in those pictures.

This is a true story, i would have written his real name so you babes in London can avoid the sick bastard but i can't. Anyway, if you ever meet any Naija man, he should be in his thirties now, rich, really pedant, glasses, i think he was from PH, he is quite tall, big, extremely nice, name starts with S as well, run for your lives!!!!

30 comments:

LondonBuki said...

there is a part one?

LondonBuki said...

Ye mo gbe!!!

This man is something else!

What the hell??? What an agbaya, he was stuffing the Suya down his throat? LOL!!!

The pictures are spooky... spooky...

Thank God he was not dangerous o!

Waffarian said...

Oh, any time I remember him, I can not believe I could put myself in such a position! It was really horrible!

Ubong Da said...

This is some scary stuff. Thank God I never met a psycho chick maybe I wouldn't be here today to tell all my stories. hmm

4wardnfiaca said...

hmm!

omo that is some scary shait o... hmm hmm hmm !!!

AbujaBabe said...

Mann!!! i dont even know what to say i was laughing like a blazing mad women especially at


"how i could not even respect the fact that he has been living alone all these years, and how dare i think i can change him....etc)
Saying to my sef no be only CRACK Na Heroine mixed together...

Then i waan Choke when you said he bought all that Suya and ate in your face then had the cheek to tell you , you aint getting none...

Then you jut had to drop that BOMB! THAT IS SOME SCARY ISH GIRL!!! I no fit sleep tonight again all the laugh don clear from my through and eye!! Chai! He needs help he is SERIOUSLY SICK I just cant get the thought out of my head TOO SCARRY...

Thank God you were Brave!!!

Bubbles said...

Wow, there are some sick pple out there. It's the double personality thing that gets me. He sounds a lot like a guy i once dated. Scary as hell. Thank God he didn't try to do anything to u.

The suya part was funny sha!!

LittleGirlLost said...

I'm sure there was fear and tragedy in that story but the way you told me had me rolling in fits. Stanley needs to get his head checked. With some of these people we admire its a serious case of be careful what you wish for.
Thanks for my daily laugh. I will be chuckling to myself about this all day.

law_damsel said...

ok....this is xtremely funny n weird..woh u don put all ph guys 4 trouble, i go so scrutinise dem..ehh!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Olorun oba mi! I just realise say part 1 dey when I saw LondonBuki's comment. Let me go read it before I leave proper comments.
My dear, I thank God you are alive and well. That dud seems like he could have hurt you badly. Off i go a reading.

DonCasiragi said...

This is sick..simply sick. The man needs help for real...and then there might be more to him than just being nice, being around women and being real neat and spooky the same time..e gba mi! Omo tie-tie..u get heart no be small..ma liver no fit catch dis kind fire.

laspapi said...

This was well written. You could make a book out of stuff like that

The female mind never ceases to amaze me though. You stayed with him after
-yelling at you @ the train station
-locking you indoors and going out
-putting you in a room without sheets
-eating suya like a deranged person
-and the pictures of the dead girl....?

The story put fear in me.

Anonymous said...

My sista. run...Neva try such risky stuff again. The bobo sound like my papa and na god save us say my mamma and all of us children commot from that house alive. I know the sort.Very pleasant public persona...soft spoken but REALLY REALLY KOLO

Waffarian said...

@Ubong, heheheh,u wey you dey carry all kinds of strange babes, watch out oh!
@4wardnfiaca, yes oh! i fear no be small!
@abujababe, i know say the suya part dey funny but dat time with the hunger wey dey wire me!cheĆ­!
@bubbles, yeah, I think he had double personality cos the way he changed was like a matter of seconds!
@littlegirllost, yes oh! i hope say im don get help if not, God only knows what he is up to these days!
@lawdamsel, abeg scrutinise dem well, no forget the "teddy bear" part cos all the babes, na so dem dey describe am!

Waffarian said...

@doncasiragi, hehehehehe, liver ke? hehehe, fear catch me small sha, make i no lie but for my heart, i know say i fit "take am" hehehehe!
@laspipi, you are right, that was really stupid, but I learnt my lesson cos I never tried that kind of stuff again!That was the first and last time i got into that kind of mess!I was quite young and somehow......i think i wanted to do something really "wild" cos i was always the "good" one, well, it was wild alright!hahahahahah! Yeah, we women! sometimes, i don't know what we are looking for!

Waffarian said...

@anonymous, glad you all got out! thanks for checking out my blog!

Nyemoni said...

JESU CHRISTI! This guy is strak raving MAD! And no one would ever know... Girl, You fit write script for Home video with this kinda jist o! For real.. Yepa!

Anonymous said...

Girl, Intuition, intuition is good, always obey it.

This was really scarry. I have worked in Mental health and this Guy sure needs a lot of help. We all think of the insane as the ones running down the street chasing one with a knife.

I am so glad you managed to get out to tell the tale. The next Girl may not be so lucky

damsel said...

All I gotta say is wow and thank God he protected you... It is a bit funny too :)

Idemili said...

Man that suya part! I can't begin to explain to you how funny that part is! I showed my cousin and now I'm going to change my underpants. Girl, you are mad! Mad I say!

confusednaijagirl said...

oh my gosh I was laughing hysterically in the beginning , then The story became SCARY!!! damn thank God you came out of t hat one alive oh!!!

Chameleon said...

Waffy this is scary oh! U have liver. its like something out of a naija movie only that the floating spirit of the dead girlfriend is missing.

man, what a jerk!

So name starts with an S, wealthy, early thirties huh? This londontown is small, im sure he'll resurface soon!

Anonymous said...

The Suya thing for me was the straw that broke the Camel's back. I have to share this with friends.

God, may somebody's daughter not go through this with this sick individual. As Chameleon said, London is small, he will soon be smoked out

AbujaBabe said...

My Dear how far where you dey?? i hope your cool i guess work and all got you busy.. i beg update soon oh!..
Take care B.xxx

Omohemi Benson said...

Waffy girl o!
You sef bereal psycho,if na me I for don beg am make I comot jeje.

You should warn your cousin against him o.
God go save us from craze people.

Dami said...

wow this one na kolo, i bet he was in some ogbanje-cult, dead pictures, clean dry bath tub,flashy cars...

Abeg warn your fellow women o, is he by any chance an i.t guru or just loaded from naija

anijawife said...

Babe,no be only London guys like that dey,they full Niger too.I could remember when we were serving in Kaduna,my friend met one money miss road guy-he was like you desribed in your jist but na mentalo with capital M-my friend must not talk to any other guy and even ladies that he think can influence her,he will picked her at her place of assignment and dropped her in the morning and before we know it,he ex-communicado her from everybody and to even travel to see her parent na war and to crown it all-na back the guy dey do and my friend must comply else na beat and my friend dey take the abuse bcos she dey enjoyed the awufu till when she couldnt take it again and the guy even get nerve to come her house and packed everthing he gave her but na good riddance to bad rubbish

wienna said...

buahaaaaaaaaaahooooohhhhaaaa.....i'm sorry to laugh but i just couldn't help it while reading yr story. So, u mean, u no even chop anything during yr w'kend visit at his place? LOL

BTW, u're so funny.

Diary of a Mad Soul Sista said...

lmao @him not giving u suya!
but de guy craze o! this is really creepy!no wonder he was single

Copido said...

Now this is hilarious and spooky it doesn't sound real....
U made it up, right?
ROTFLMAO re: suya part. My tummy hurts from laffing 2 hard