Saturday, March 31, 2007

Full moon and other stories (contd)

The ceremony ends, and we all leave to go to the fancy restaurant, and lo and behold, all of a sudden, I notice a fucking idiot in our midst, a woman whose calling in the world is to stamp her feet and snap her fingers! What the fuck is she doing here? Who the hell invited this specimen of a human being? Oh well, she is a guest of the celebrant's, too bad, cos it would have been fun to light her hair on fire! Her name is Tanya, and she is a bitch if there ever was one! She walks right in and starts organising us, "we are taking taxi" she says and walks quickly to the side of the road, puts up her hand, New york style, I am tempted to burst out laughing! Where the fuck does she think she is? In this country, we call cabs, and why the hell do we need a taxi when the metro is just around the corner? I really hope she is paying! Well, ofcourse, madam "knows everything" gets us in the taxi and proceeds to bash every single human being that did not study "economics" or "executive business" "finance", the conversation suddenly becomes "who is earning six figures" "who's working were" you know, shit like that, the power house of Europe. I look at Jojo, Oh Lordy, this is going to be one hell of a night, I hope there is enough booze, cos I'll really have to be seriously slushed to ignore this fool! We get to the restaurant! Hahahahahah! Madam knows all, asks the waiter for his "preference" (what the fuck? I want the cheapest wine, the house wine, if anything, give me a bottle of Austrian, German,Hungarian wine, and yes, I'll accept Bulgarian, South African, anything as far as it is the cheapest on the list!) The waiter advices her to try wine that has some "vanilla" in it, madam says she knows the wine, "vanilla" is quite trendy now, she informs me, but before the waiter brings the wine, she wants to know " what kind of grapes were used?", is she serious? she has to be joking! what kind of grapes? what the hells does she know? they are either ripe, unripe, or rotten! take your pick. Jesus! Ofcourse, the waiter has no idea about that, I suggest "ecological grapes". What a fool! And now, the tongue lashing begins, the rest of us, had jobs that were of no use to mankind, we are all useless in the eyes of the rich and powerful. Preach on, ignorant bitch, just keep filling my glass, I look over to Jojo, she is in her own world, she smiles at me and I know what she is saying, "forget her, order the most expensive shit on this menu and let the rich people pay", good idea, Jojo, lets enjoy our meal. The meal is over, thank God I did not pay, it was rubbish, I am still hungry! We move on to a pub, to continue the medley of drinking that this night has become, there's live music, we are all dancing, but wait a minute.....what is this woman doing? she is dancing like..........an old woman!Jojo calls my attenttion to this woman's funny hip movements, her hips are ancient, her ass has become too flat from sitting too long on meetings, her wrinkles are suddenly prominent under the lights of the bar, I suddenly see her for what she really is, an aging woman, trying to hang on to her youth which has long left harbour........she .....looks........so........old, and Jojo says: "poor woman, she really is pathetic!", we leave the bar.

11 comments:

Chameleon said...

lol... waffy ur bad o. dont wanna get on ur bad side.

laspapi said...

that over-bearing woman, waffy. Show mercy when you think of her. She might be alone, tired and unlike others, the train she waited for, didn't stop at the station.

Surviving with Truth said...

lmao this woman sounds unhappy... snotty people usually are. LOL!!! @ her dancing like an old woman.

Idemili said...

Hhahahahhahahahahaah! Bad girl!

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

lol.. lol..
"her ass has become too flat from sitting too long on meeting"

i just cant get over that..

DonCasiragi said...

ROTFLMAO...I hope u ordered enuf for two..I am waiting from my exquisite wine from the Spanish Rivera - through the mail of course and paid for by the unhappily Financed old lady trying to look young.

Confused Naija Girl said...

hehhe heheh the woman is a hoot oh!

Sparkle said...

lol, u are so mean...if dis woman see wetin u write about her hmm
so mean

Dami said...

lol what a sado!

Nyemoni said...

LMAO! Man... who sent that woman you way? God abeg o! I just try to switch off when I have ppl like that around me!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

okay, so I start reading and think, oh no Waffy, don't succumb to the mean girl mentality, then you start describing that yeye woman properly and all i could think was, yup, I know women like that and my sentiment is the same. I actually know some men like that, as well - insecurity is the name of the game with such people. I'm glad you got to eat on her dime, should have gotten a doggy bag to go.