A letter

Background story: A friend of mine fell in love with a guy. They were very much in love and had a great time together. My friend decided to go to the states because of job opportunities, etc. Although the guy was sad, he never talked about it and did not advise her not to go. Basically, he did not fight really hard for her to stay. After she left, although she tried to keep in touch with him, he was quite cold and never replied her mails. While she was in the states, she realized she made a mistake, she tried to tell him a couple of times through mail but again, the same response, or rather no response. She decided to leave the States anyway. When she got back, she tried to get in touch with him but they only finally met after about two weeks after her arrival. He was quite cold towards her and the date ended rather awkwardly. The next day, she recieved this letter from him and this really upset her as he never once voiced such feelings during her absence. We would like to know what you guys think, so please feel free to be psychologists! The letter has been translated from another language so bear with us if there are any mistakes!








I have to say a lot of things to you, as I’m sure you too have a lot of questions and don’t know what to do, what to think. Being unsure is the worst thing. You worry about how things will work out, but meanwhile it tears you apart because you cannot deal with the routine of everyday life with a clear head.
I really loved you once, and I thought that I wouldn’t have been able to bear life without you by my side. I suffered when I couldn’t see you for the one or two months that you had to be away from me, but the knowledge that I would see you again gave me strength that I wouldn’t have to wait much longer for us to be one again. I never thought that it wouldn’t be as I imagined and it broke my heart to bits when it wasn’t me you chose in the end when you decided to go to the States, but at the same time I felt I mustn’t hold you back, because if you didn’t follow your heart's calling, it might cause you to regret it for the rest of your life! Even then I was at my wits end, but if you had told me that you’ll be gone for only half a year and you’d come back to me, I would have been able to bear it with the last strength and hope in me. But maybe it was better this way, easier to escape into forgetting, than to wait indefinitely, something that was already extremely hard for me. It was a big decision to make on my part and to be honest I was a little relieved.
My friends tried all they could to help me forget, I tried hard to empty my head and not think, but just try and feel good about myself again. Slowly my strength returned, I started to enjoy my unrestricted freedom, I was filled with an empty but in a way, a positive feeling that wasn’t directed to anyone or anything in particular, only towards myself. I began to build myself up.I wanted to keep it that way, but then a new light came into my life, in the form of a totally innocent being, that nothing had spoiled, it was like I had found a fragile little bird. She knew so little about the world I had lived in, and because of this, things evolved totally differently than it had for us. She was a huge challenge for me, but something constantly whispered to me that I was again on the right track.I put in so much feeling and a lot of things connected me to her.
When I heard that you wanted to come back and what you still feel for me, I became confused and introverted. For a while, I didn’t tell her what was wrong, I didn’t know what to do because you still had a strong effect on me, I didn’t just love you once, I still do (although I’m not sure in what sense now, but I know something has changed). I don’t want to hurt you, believe me, if there were two of me there would be no question what I would do, but like this it’s not as easy.
I want to be straight with everyone, not with just both of you, but with myself as well. I do not want to please others and end up displeasing myself. You told me that my friendship was important to you, and that you’d like to ask for that at least if nothing else. I feel the same way too, but much more than friendship still draws me to you and I’m afraid of these feelings. I do not know what these feelings might turn into, what feelings might intensify or what feelings might fade. Only time will tell, if we don’t leave things as they are for some time, we will only tear up old wounds. This might be for only a month, half a year, I have no idea. I would like to remain a friend to you because I discovered a very beautiful person in you, but we must once again distance ourselves from each other so that no strings hold us together and so that we can live independently from one another. I do not know if I can fix my current relationship, but she means a lot to me, and I feel I have to give it a shot, but to this it is important that you are not close by, because I still feel an attraction to you when I look into your eyes. I do not mean anything by this, I just need to see things clearly, to find out my true feelings.
Now I have to say that I’m on my own journey, I cannot ask you to wait for me, I don’t want to give you false hope. If love should come your away again I don’t want you to hold back because of me. You too must let go of all constricting thoughts, fill your life with new experiences, be around the people that are important to you. But that really important person will come when you least expect it, and when you are truly happy within yourself. I don’t now what to write to conclude this letter, I don’t want to say anything very final, I’m thinking what else I could say.....only that I would like everything to turn out well for you and me, and that you will be happy, satisfied with life and light hearted in the end. Only one thing ties people together and that is love.