Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Life is a roller coaster...just got to ride it!

Okay, I know people say all the time that you really need to believe and let go, things will come to you, etc...well, they are all right! This past year, I have been working really hard in changing the way I see my life, trying to get back that positive feeling that I used to be so famous for, before I became a "fatalist" like a friend of mine calls me. Anyway, I don't know how in the world I stopped being so excited about life and everything around me. How did that happen? Well, I know. It was the fucking series and series of never fucking ending disappointments...they never ended...and I know, I contributed to it. Someone told me recently, "You know Waffy, you really are too trusting"...I thought about it and told another friend of mine...I mean, I know I am, its no secret, I trust people in good faith...and yeah, that's what fucks me up...time and time, and time again. Anyway, and my friend tells me "but that's what makes you human...how else are you supposed to live in this world?"...and you know what? She is right, I can not live in paranoa thinking every single person I meet is dishonest or out to get me...that would be way too egoistic, cos really, I don't think I am that important to anybody.

Anyway, since summer, I've been working really hard on my life, changing mostly the way I think, and trying to find the old me. The girl from Nigeria who set out to conquer the world. The old me is not perfect, but she was strong and determined and every set back was an incentive to work harder, try harder, and do her best. That's the part I wanted most, to do my best in anything I do and not the half assed attempt I often throw in. Do my best and get satisfaction in even the little things in my life. Live my moments.

It has been hard work, trying to always be "present", giving a 100% concentration in every single thing I do. It is hard work to stop my mind running away in fantasies and dream land. Yet again, practise makes perfect. That's true as well. My mind still runs away from time to time, but now, most times, my mind is concentrated on whatever it is I am doing. It is becoming a part of my life and I can't wait until it just "is", just part of me, without effort, without thinking.

I know you all must be tired by now with all these posts about ME...I am sorry, but I am super excited and just had to share...do I even dare to say I am happy? It sounds so strange...I am the melancholic one, the one with the dark side...the one that loves the "absurd" and "existentialist thoughts"...do I dare to say I am happy?

Well...I think I am! Hope you all have a lovely week! and remember...life is full of ups and downs...just ride it out...hold on.


12 comments:

geisha said...

so often living life and being positive feel like mutually exclusive concepts!
it's great that you are able to find your positive side.



geisha.song.

Red Eyes said...

I really love this tune. So, here you go my love:

"Written by rick noweles & gregg alexander

Na na na na na ( x4)
Hey baby
You really got my tail in a spin
Hey baby
I dont even know where to begin
But baby I got one thing I want you to know
Wherever you go tell me cause Im gonna go

We found love, so dont fight it
Life is a rollercoaster just gotta ride it
I need you, so stop hiding
Our love is a mystery girl lets get inside it

Hey baby
Youve really got me flying tonight (flying tonight)
Hey sugar
You almost got us punched in a fight (thats alright)
But baby you know the one thing I gotta know
Wherever you go tell me cause Im gonna show

We found love, so dont fight it
Life is a rollercoaster just gotta ride it
I need you, so stop hiding
Our love is a mystery girl lets get inside it

Listen

Cant you feel my heart?
Cant you feel my heart?
Cant you take my heart?

We found love, so dont fight it
Life is a rollercoaster just gotta ride it (all night long)
I need you, so stop hiding
Our love is a mystery girl lets get inside it

Dont fight it, fight it, fight it
Na na na na na
Dont fight it, fight it, fight it
Na na na na na
Dont fight it, fight it, fight it
Na na na na na
Dont fight it, fight it, fight it
Na na na na na
Dont fight it, fight it, fight it
Na na na na na
Na na na na na
Our love is a mystery girl lets get inside it (*to fade*)
"

naijalines said...

I like this you o. Well...I like you in all your different colours and moods. This is my favourtite Ronan (solo) song I think. Such a lovely track to rock to this morning. Thanks. Keep rocking sista, I'm really happy for you :D

Waffarian said...

@geisha: I know what you mean!

@red eyes: Thanks! You know, I always thought it was

"Our love is a mystery girl lets get decided"

Hahahaha, thanks, I love this track too, so groovy!

@naijalines: My sister, I am liking myself too! heheheheh...thanks jare.

Naapali said...

Got me thinking of the Vivian Green song "Emotional Rollercoaster" which oddly enough I had spent hours looking for a video of it I could post.

I hear you and feel you on this one. This thing we call life that most times don't seem to know what to do with it but can't let go of should be lived, actively. Letting go of fears and hurts is certainly stepping in the right direction.

But hope this does not mean you are abandoning melancholy Waffy. Cos I love the grit she brings to this world.

Waffarian said...

@naapali: I don't think I could...even if I wanted to...that's a part of me that will always be there...she is just in "balance" at the moment...hehehehheee

Rita said...

Thank God you're a survivor...not just an ordinary one...but an optimistic one who is trusting and of great character...

Couldnt listen to the music becos of speed of network..

Wishing you a beautiful week...

ibilola said...

i like u jare! I glad you finding success in being present.
I'm strugling with d same thing , actually i'm kinda flaccid bout d whole ting.
It's so frustrating when the fantasies are not lining up with reality :(
But if you can conquer it, there is hope 4 me yet.

Thanks 4 d post!

Ms. Catwalq said...

E go better o....

that's what the yous and Is all hold on to...odawyze....

Mogaji said...

One can be dark and happy. It doesn't have to be an oxymoron. I'm cynical yet happy. And I agree with Naapali you do melancholy so well. I know, I'm an enabler.

ababoypart2 said...

Right up my street, like ur style. ride life.

Standtall said...

dont they happiness is relative?