Friday, September 19, 2008

No marraige please!

This post was inspired by the debate going on here

There comes a point in a woman's life when you have to decide...ehhhhh...got you! Nope, there is really no point in your life when you have to decide shit. I am so tired of people telling women just why it is such a joy to get married. We know all the reasons...we've been told since childhood...but what about the reasons NOT to get married? Well, let me see...lets see if I can come up with ten? Yep, that will do. Ten reasons.

1) You have to see the same damn face every morning. You wake up and oops! same mutherfucker.

2) Those little humans you bring into the world are dependent on you for...wait for it...LIFE! You have to worry about them until the very day you die. Even on your dying bed, you will worry about them worrying about you.

3) You can't return that man if you find out certain features that he came with are not up to standard.

4) Oh! the cleaning, the cooking, the washing...it never fucking ends! It just goes on and on and on....

5) You remember that cute guy that has been checking you out? The one with the big muscles and good looking ass? Forget him! You are married!

6) Its not enough that you have your family to deal with...now comes a whole bunch of human beings...and they are on a whole other level too! It will take a life time trying to figure out how they all work...hell, you haven't even figured out the mechanisms of your own family.

7) Yeah, yeah, you've got to compromise. Forget about what you want, now its all about what "WE" want...boring!

8) This is the best part...those couple dinners, family outings with other families, birthday parties, all those smiles, teeth flashing,"oh life is so great"...exhausting.

9) The never ending maintenance of your body. Don't forget to oil and patch yourself up cos if you don't, that man sure is gonna get his servicing somewhere else!

10) Have I mentioned that you have to see the same mutherfucker everyday?


Note: If you do not have a sense of humour, just pretend you did not see this.

19 comments:

Drama said...

U forgot the part about being tolerant of disguisting habits like belching, farting,snoring, grinding of teeth,picking of nose,unreasonable requests like shagging after a 30 hour day,and a whole bunch of things......

Rita said...

# 10 = # 1 so it's only 9 reasons...maybe Drama's own completes it...

I read that debate...don't mind the pressure society is putting on women

That nothwithstanding, marriage is a real joy if it's good...

Naapali said...

I asked for melancholy grit and I got it.

Yay, for the Waffy that I have come to enjoy reading.

I know this is a serious topic and I hope I left a reflective answer on the original post.

Naapali said...

@ drama
- what is unreasonable about shagging after a 30 hour day? Some people would consider it a capstone to the day.

- I have worked many, many 30 hour days and I never said no to such a request!

Sprezatura said...

that's harsh! u 4get men wake up to see a crappy hair do, those annoying shower caps, have to live with kissing lips covered in Red lipstick (God save me) and most of all keep answering to do you love me, every freaking time. We feel the same waffi.

maitumbi said...

Frankly, marriagw is overrated.

Sandrine said...

Hi Waffy,
I read T.P.'s post and the answers to it.It is true that there is a lot of pressure for women to marry and have children,not just in Nigeria or other African countries. My mother, who is French, did the same thing to me.I understand where you are coming from. Also your post is funny and right in many ways.I guess I have a different point of view because I am older and married, with four children (2,4,7,8)
These are my two cents.I have to say that being married for me has been different from being going out with my husband. I felt a stronger bond and I was part of something. Having the kids was definitely the best things that has ever happened to me.I do not believe in God but creating life was for me the closest of God I could ever feel.It is magical and spiritual.Taking care of them is a lot of work (I work full time and so does my husband) and frustration.But the love I have for them goes beyond anything I have ever felt before.The little petty things of everyday like cleaning or cooking (my husband takes care of the cooking) don't matter because we do it for each other and for them.
However I believe that society should let people make their own choices.There should not be pressure to conform to a certain model.To each his own.
Take care
Sandrine

Standtall said...

no no no marriage jare. but I am already seeing a wonderful face each day. To late to say no

Red Eyes said...

never never get married, my dear. not until you can say you've done everything possible...marry only when you are old and good for nothing

naijalines said...

LOL! Priceless.
I will not pretend I saw this. Does that mean I've got a SOH? Waffy can we swap places so you can have some inspiration to do a part two?

That's assuming anyone reading this hasn't got the SOH chip missing in their grey matter. Of course that does not include you jare.

The Invisible Man said...

Waffarian na u biko! I hail o!

NaijaBabe said...

Lol....funny stuff! "same motherfucker"...LOL

Anonymous said...

Too funny:-) I feel ya, especially no. 7. Who needs that?
Kr.

badderchic said...

Waffy, waffy, waffy, how many times did I call you? lol

Tigeress said...

Waffy, u have to read my blog http://gangstatigeress.blogspot.com/2008/09/life-fears-pressures-of-being-hen.html. lol!! Tho I'm not 30 yet- but is smelling it- the pressure is ON!!!

My own issue is giving up your dreams/goals/freedom in the name of marraige. Submission. What the hell is submission? Submission has given egotistic men to flex their muscles more and remind me by saying and i quote "I'm a man" AAAARRGGGHHHHHH!!! lol!!

Don't get me started. But that aisle, i shall walk down it one day- hopefully soon. lol!!

And yeh, i think marraige is slightly overrated.

Waffarian said...

@drama: Thanks for reminding me...I left that out on purpose cos just the thought of it was too gruesome to write...hahahahahaha

@Rita: I agree with you, marraige can be a real joy.

@naapali: hehehehehe, you see your self!

@spreztura: Thank you jare! I go add am to the list. That "do you love me?" part...hahahaha too funny!

@maitumbi: ..like people have not been doing it since kingdom come. We all know, na the source of all the joy for the whole world and happiness...make we hear word!

@Sandrine: I know marraige can be a joy and family a wonderful thing. I grew up in a happy family so I know what love and happiness is.

You see, if the people that pressure others into getting married had the kind of marraige you have, filled with love and knowing that you are part of something, sharing, and having a beautiful bond as a family...if they all had that, if that is the example of family they had....

Unfortunately, most people that make snide remarks and comments about your decision to stay single have the most disgusting family lives...these are the ones that will not tell you the truth about their shit. Instead, they want everybody else to get into it so we can all roll in the filth together. Misery loves company. How dare you enjoy life when they had to "settle"?

If they had the beauty of marraige, then they would know that you can not force anybody on anybody else. You have to be part of something bigger like you said. If they had the beauty of marraige, then they would know that not just ANY man would do, but one that loves you and one that you can love.

Finally, I also believe that it is possible to have joy and happiness in many other areas in life that has nothing to do with family or marraige. I can not understand why people believe that one is miserable because they do not have the "joy" of marraige. Are they so limited in their imaginations that they do not understand that there are many different ways to get "joy/happiness/whatever" in life?

Thats what baffles me...why is our happiness in life limited to the one we get in "marraige?"

I think that just became a post hehehehe

ShonaVixen said...

LMAO!!You made my Sunday...

Kookie said...

rolling on the floor @ your post..especially reason number 1! lol

moi said...

Ok, for this one you deserve an award....and this is coming from a married woman of 17 years!