Come on!

"Come on!" that's what I screamed out loud with my hands up in the air as three buses whizzed past me going in the opposite direction. You see, I live in an area where there are two bus stops at my disposal. However, these two buses go in opposite directions but taking either of them will still get me to my end destination. Now, since I can take any of the buses one would think my life in the mornings would be so easy right? WRONG!

These two buses leave at almost the same time and I have to choose one bus stop. Now, I know the genius minds there are wondering, why not just stand in the middle? And then run to any of them when you see either of the buses appear? My good friends, the middle ground here is a fucking bridge! Even if I decide to stand in the middle and risk getting run over(possibly by another irate human being that is having his/her own traumatic morning)I cannot see the bus in time to run back or forth to either of the bus stops. The two bus stops have been designed with precise precision at the two corners of a long winding downhill road (I am sorry, this is the best I can do with the description). Let’s just call the two bus stops “uphill” and “downhill” for easy identification.

So, every morning I make a decision as to which bus stop is worth having a traumatic experience under. You see, you all know that whichever bus stop I choose, I will be standing there, watching in agony, as buses go in the opposite direction...now, I dare not run to the opposite bus stop because the moment I do, a bus will suddenly appear at the very bus stop where I had been standing all along! Sometimes I try to trick the universe and pretend I am going to the "downhill" bus stop so that the buses will then go to the "uphill" bus stop which was my original destination all along. Of course this never works; the universe knows that I am actually going to the "uphill" bus stop, so it sends the buses to the "downhill" bus stop!

Still following? Good. Now, after many months of running like a crazed woman back and forth and trying different brain tricks, I decided that each morning, I am going to stand in just one bust stop and no matter what happens, no matter how many buses whizz past me, I stand there patiently and wait for the bus. No more nervous break downs and running in zig zag.

Now, making this decision is also very problematic because both buses have advantages and disadvantages. The "downhill" bus takes you to the underground, which is actually the best and it does not matter if the bus is late because the trains come regularly. The problem with this bus is that it wastes so much time in between stops. The main causes of this problem are mothers and their prams, which I now call German tanks. The bus can only take two prams and they have to be of the regular kind. However, these days, they now have the kind that is like "double"...you know, they can have two kids in it. They normally have one baby and then a bigger one beside...I am sure you have seen them, huge tank like carriages. Anyway, just one of these ugly things can take up the whole space meant for two regular prams. Now, every, single morning, do you think we have just one mother with one tank? Nope. Always, more than four or five mothers arguing and pushing to try and get their tanks in the bus. This takes an enormous amount of time with the bus driver coming down and trying to decide who actually came first etc, etc...And all this while, all I can do is scream "COME ON!"

The other bus, the "uphill" one is calmer but it takes you to the train...which for some reason is not as appealing to people as the underground is. This bus would be perfect if it was not scheduled to arrive with exact precision with the train. So you take the bus, and as the bus gets to the train station, you actually have to run to get the train. Now, it does happen, quite often actually, that the bus driver decides to drive like he is in Lagos traffic...so slow, that I am usually screaming with my hands in the air, "COME ON!” Many of you might think that this ride is not as traumatic as the other one but I assure you, when you run like a mad woman, through the tunnel, then up the stairs, then you see the doors close right before your very eyes...and then you look at the board and the next train is in twenty minutes....

COME ON!