It's not easy for me to let people in because I do not trust people. But this is a natural instinct if you have been hurt by others quite a lot. Its natural that you protect yourself.In the past, people that have been close to me have been mean to me, let me down, disappointed me, hurt me, etc. But this is also a part of life. I do not take it to mean anything other than a part of life. However, since I am quite a sensitive person, I try to protect myself by being friends only with people who seem to be tenderhearted (solid, good people). If I make a mistake, and become friends with someone who seemed to be so and then turned out to be something else, I do not waste my time in regrets and neither do I waste my time asking "why", I simply just walk away and let the human being be.
Which is what I did recently. A "friend" of mine completely let me down at my former place of work. It is largely because of certain selfish actions that she and others took, that made me quit. It was incomprehensible to me, that someone who I had been so nice to, treated like a little sister, helped in so many ways, could become such a selfish human (I guess she did not really "become", she probably always was one, I was the one who did not see that incredibly glaring human trait, naive as I am). The funny part, was that she actually thought that after her actions, I would still want to be friends with her? What planet do people live on? Life is not like that. We all must take consequences for our actions. If you choose to fuck somebody up, then that's what you did. There are no two ways about it. You just swallow the bitter pill and move on. Nobody is obliged to continue a friendship under such circumstances. I got a text from her yesterday. Apparently, for some reason, she wants to meet cos we have a lot to talk about.
Really? HA HA HA HA HA HA Christ! People really do have nerves. Talk about what? Why can't people stand for their own actions? I did not go about explaining "why and how" to anybody because for me, my conscience is solid and clear. I am quitting because I feel unfairly treated and used. Finish. End of the matter. I stand by my actions and I accept the consequences. If you think you have handled yourself right, then you owe no man explanations. Why on earth would she want to "explain" anything to me? Stand by your actions and move on. That's how I see it. People should be made to understand the consequences of what they do in life. This is not some play ground where you can just do as you want and play with the lives of others and then come back, and play "tea". She must be kidding.
The thing is, I really have nothing to say to her. She is not who I thought she was and that is fine by me. It is part of life. I have already wished her the best. Good luck in life, but you are just not the kind of person I wish to be associated with. Life is too short to know such people. They are so many nice people out there, why waste time with someone of that nature when you can mingle with the best?
I am not going to meet her. I am not going to waste one second of my life in the presence of such a human being.
We do not have anything in common and we never did.
It was all just an illusion.