Thursday, November 4, 2010
I knew I shouldn't have watched that damn "wanted". I know how my body reacts to anything slightly unpleasant. Pure Paranoia. I start imagining that I must have seen the fugitives somewhere. My mind goes into overdrive, look well, are you sure you have not seen this face before? Maybe on the train? look again? And this rapist? doesn't he look familiar? wasn't he the one on the train the other day? And that armed robber? what a striking resemblance to your neighbour! on and on it goes...when my mind finally calms down and I convince myself that for sure, I have never seen any of those faces before, then the next stage starts, look carefully now, what if you see him on the train some day? remember, never make eye contact, he might understand that you have recognised him and that will be very dangerous for you, you have to be smooth, careful...
Lord have mercy!
I did not sleep at all last night. I woke up every twenty minutes, checked my door five times, checked my windows ten times, was that a noise I heard? It was a terrible night. Terrible.
I knew I should not have watched that nonsense, I knew it. Even as I was watching it, I kept saying to myself, "you are gonna be so fucked up".
I shall never, ever, watch that show again. Never. It took all my strength not to go to my neighbour's and ask if I could sleep over...thank God, I did not.
My reputation as a sane human being is still intact.
*Wanted=Its a show, just like America's most wanted