SNOW! SNOW!! SNOW!!!

It's been snowing like crazy out here...and for some reason, anytime it snows, I have an intense urge for all things Nigerian. I have been dreaming of pounded yam, and recently I went really out of my way just cos I needed pepper so badly.I wonder if its because snow and snow storms remind me so much of home? You know, the fact that I am really not part of the snow culture? The funny part is I really do not mind the snow and the cold. I think its beautiful when I have the right clothing.

However, I can not find the box with my winter stuff...so I do not have the right winter boots for such extreme winter conditions. Meanwhile, no buses are coming up here cos of the conditions so I have been treking...and like I said, seems I can't trek in the snow without listening to Nigerian Music. My usual snow treking music is Oliver de coque but I recently heard Ikechukwu's "now is the time" and I really like it!

I miss my Daddy so much...I am sure he sees me looking like a mad woman with snow up to her knees while listening to Oliver De Coque and says..."now that, is my daughter"...I think he sees me...and misses me too.

Yesterday...

Hello sweetie,

How are you? I hope you are good. Yesterday, I wandered into "your" shop, you know, the one you always like going into...the one I always hated going into...I did not think of you while I was there. Not at all. I thought of just how boring this shop was and wondered why on earth men were moving from aisle to aisle looking like they were having the time of their lives.

I went back home. I started to do the dishes and all of a sudden I felt tears on my cheeks and then I was crying...

It is hard to acknowledge that I miss you, but I do. I wonder sometimes if you are thinking about me, I wonder why things are the way they are...

Sometimes, I wish I had never met you so the pain of leaving you would never exist. Sometimes I wish that night had never been, that night when you first came into my life...Oh God! We were so young...where did the time go?

Its been so many years now...I am thirty! Thirty, imagine! We were going to do so many things together...We were gonna buy a big house, have plenty of children, go on summer vacations, have a dog, have a cat, get a pension plan, have a farm, grow old together....

and we almost did it all, didn't we? We were almost there...now I don't know what I am going to do without you...

We grew up together...

I miss you so much and I wish things are not the way they are but we must accept the truth, no matter how hard it is.

Letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do...

Think of all the good times, think of the laughter, think of the love, think of US... we did give it our best...we gave all we had...I guess it was just not enough.

You have been my best friend for so long...and I do miss you so!

Thats all I wanted to let you know, that I miss you.

Love always,
me


Note: not written yesterday...but reading it makes me cry...

It's not as if...

I wish sometimes, I could be like you. Smile, shake hands and pretend I know why I am doing what I am doing... but I am not you. Most times, I have no idea what I am doing. I wake up each day, knowing that I can only be me. I just live my life and I do not understand you and your handshakes and phony smiles. Yesterday, you opened your eyes wide when you told me something. I don't remember what it is now because I don't always listen. Most times, my mind drifts above your words and I see just the top of your head. I make tracks on your head and pretend that ants are carrying pieces of sugar from one end to another. You finished talking, you made your final point. I did not say anything. I drank my coffee and imagined you were from another planet and those tracks on your head had now become trenches...I poured my coffee in and watched it slowly sip in...It's not as if I do not have better things to think about, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder what exactly is underneath your scalp...when you smile like that, shake hands like that...

Happy Sunday!

Hello fellow bloggers,

I miss you all and wish I had the time and energy to go round and say hi to everybody, but I have no time and if I did, I would probably spend it sleeping.

I hope you are all good and I wish you all lots of love and peace in your hearts this sunday.

Take care of yourselves.

Back to writing...

I need to manage my time properly so I can do more writing. I need to be more disciplined. Before, I always had the time but never "felt like", then I always "felt like" but never had the time. Well, time to grow up. I spent the last days just sleeping, eating and watching tv. Yeah, I had some days off, which I really needed. I actually thought I would faint from exhaustion. I cried once at work cos I was frustrated that I was always tired. I really could not get my mind or body to move in any direction at all. I kept thinking I would somehow find energy that I did not have...so, I just did what I always do when I don't know what to do, "baff, eat and sleep". So thats what I did, I spent my days doing nothing and now I feel quite good. I think my major problem is organising my time so I can get everything I want done.

Anyway, hope you all have a good weekend,

Love,
waffy

The time was 5:45...

and it was still dark. I had to get to the train station and there were only two possibilities. Walk through the "short cut" or walk through the long way round. Both were equally depressing. I live on top of some sort of hill. When I got this apartment, I was desperate and the fact that it was a bit far from the city did not deter me. I was desperate. I mean, it was described as one of those new environmental friendly buildings...I could learn to sort my thrash, I thought. Sorting coloured bottles from white can be a bit tasking...but I could learn. On a hill? a small hill? Not so bad, the exercise will do me good. Near the woods? Thats okay too, perhaps nature will help in healing my broken heart.

Now it is 5:45 and it is dark, and my two options are depressing. The first one, my short cut...cut in the middle of a forest, it is a path which is meant for only pedestrians. In the summer, I enjoyed walking through it but now it is winter, and these days, I see all kinds of nollywood figures lurking about. The second option is not so bad, I basically have to walk down the road the bus uses...but is is dark and quite lonesome....and the sidewalk is right beside the forest, which means, I have to walk right in the middle of the road, which I often do.

My problem with this forest/woods business started after I saw one of those reconstructed real life criminal files or whatever they are called.

Basically, for 8 years, a rapist went crazy in a small town.He would not only brutally rape the women, but he would beat them up as well. He was just a nasty human being.

Now, here is the begining of the reconstruction I watched...

There is an empty road, a bit foggy...and then, all of a sudden, you see a fence, and a man jumping over it. Then he walks to the empty road and just stands there, right in the middle...then a car slowly drives up...he walks to it, opens the door and enters. Apparently, its his wife picking him up.


(Now, why is it that people in small towns, always have to pick up friends and acquaintances in obscure locations? Why can't they just pick them up in front of the town hall, or church, or local pub or whatever it is that they have there? But no, I am sure this is how the conversation goes when they need to pick up someone...

"Should I pick you up at Carl's?"

"Isn't that a long way off for you?"

"Yes it is"

"What if I walk across Larry's farm, then jump over the fence of that huge wasteland and then you pick me up on that closed road that we used to play when we were kids?"

"Oh yeah, I know it. Thats much better, I will meet you there then. Right beside the lake where Elizabeth almost drowned the summer we were in scout camp")

Then the car drives off...and he is in bed, images of what he has done just keeps flashing...a woman screaming for all she is worth, he drags her by the hair, from a path beside the woods...it is not even concealed, quite open, he keeps punching her in the face and when she is all bloody and messed up, he starts raping her...she screams and screams...

I just can't get that image out of my head, the sidewalk...the path...forest...middle of road...

And standing by the bus station is just as bad. I have never met anybody going to work at that time.

I don't even want to tell you how bad it is when I get home late at night. I now walk from side to side...like I have something between my legs. I pretend that I am a man.Ussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssscccccccccccch!

Not my fault...I am just cool like that...

Okay, so I buy a bag of onions, socks, mascara, underwear, vitamin c, painkillers, alcohol, face cream and 2 mangoes. Thats just me baby, I am cool like that. You just go ahead and do your own normal shopping, don't sweat it, we can't all be cool...hehehehehehehe

P Square, I swear, I don't mind...

Got this pic from Linda Ikeji's blog not enough for masturbation, but getting there...now if only D banj will let us see what's so good about that damn "koko" he is always going on about...

A waffy day...(winter time day, whatever)

Mmmmmmmmmm, what a restful night, so peaceful...drinking cocoa at night really helps...and this blanket feels so cozy today...Mmmmmmm. I am sure its just 6:00, imagine, I'll have at least 45 minutes of good cozy sleep...Mmmmmmm, but I'll just check the time, just in case....F U C K!!!!Its 8 o'clock! 8!!!! Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh, shit, shit, shit....okay, okay, calm down...no need to panic, all can be fixed...can be fixed, can be fixed...okay, first, sit on toilet...pee, while peeing, ring boss...hope he can't hear pee in background...who cares? fuck fuck, fuck...

"Oh hello? Hi, yeah, this is waffy...yeah, I am gonna be late...yeah...very, very late..."

SHIT! an hour and 20 mins late! who does that? ME!no no, this is no fault of mine, that fucking mobile phone, what happened to the alarm? I don't remember putting it off...Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez...if I am lucky, I'll get the 8:29 train...if I am lucky...hail mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee....

Okay, breathe in, breathe out, no need to panic, no time for shower, put on clothes....oh, perfect! clothes from last night left in a pile by the door...I am too cool, super cool, everything right there on the floor, even socks...damn, i am good, okay, deodorant, spray, spray, hair brush, okay, jacket, keys, off you you go...

Now, marching song, 1, 2, 1, 2, no, no, 1, 2, is not working, better to do 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4...I remember when I was a soldier, I remember when I was a soldier, I remem....Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez, waffy....are you for real?

Ah, station in sight, time to break into a jog...just in case train is nearby...one never knows...but with my luck, I'll miss it just as I get there, better jog than be sorry...

1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1,2...

WHY ON EARTH IS THE CLOCK IN THE STATION JUST 7:25??? and mine says 8:25? what the hell is going on????

Something is wrong, something is very wrong...what is going on?????????????

I'll ask handsome man...

"Yeah, excuse me, I am a bit confused...is this clock one hour behind???ohhhhh wait....last night was not the night, they take the clock backwards is it? like winter time shit?"

"Indeed! it was last night...you did not change your clock?

"Of course not! who knows these things?"

Okay...at least I am not an hour and 20 mins late...just 20 mins late...but still...20 mins late....jeez...

I need some coffee, fuck it.

For more waffy days, see here, here and here

I wonder who she is...

The man kept screaming, kept at it. The whole train journey. He was screaming at an empty chair. Having an angry conversation with the empty seat. He was perhaps schizophrenic or perhaps he just had tourettes, I do not know, but it scared me. Scared me so much so, that I moved to another wagon. I sat beside a woman. She turned as I sat down, and smiled at me.

"He is talking to himself", I said. I don't know what I expected from her, for her to smile in amusement or fear...I really do not know, but I did not expect to hear what she said next.

"Imagine how tough he must have it" she replied, smiling at me. She was beautiful. Her smile was so serene and...quiet. A beautiful, serene, quiet smile."I wonder what he is saying"...that beautiful smile again...

"Life is not that easy" I said, feeling ashamed that I had not put myself in the poor man's shoes, and now looking down at my own shoes, feeling stupid...

She looked at me...in my eyes she could see what I wanted to say..."he has it so much tougher than I do"...thats what my eyes said...

She put one hand over mine,

"It is not easy for anybody" she said. She smiled again and as she got up to leave the train, I knew she would say good bye, I knew she would say something.

"Have a nice day" she said.

I don't know why she affected me so, a complete stranger. Her beauty, her smile, her empathy for an old man...

I wonder who she is...

Dicks as baits...

Well, there is no question in my mind when I say that the penis is a powerful thing. I have always believed that many women substitute sex in the bedroom for the idea of love. A man touches you here and there, kisses you, holds you, licks you, and in that moment, you are loved...you now believe, surely, this must be love, why else would he touch you the way he did? why else would he give it to you, this way, that way, and all other ways? Of course he loves, and you now think this kind of love will go on outside the bedroom too...WRONG!!! Men have the stone cold ability to differentiate SEX from LOVE. To them, sex is just sex. You are dreaming if you think his abilities in the bedroom will somehow go over into other areas of your life. Unfortunately, many women will never admit it. You meet them with the most arrogant ass out there, and they would firmly tell you that it is indeed love. You meet them with uncouth pigs, illiterates, good for nothing human beings, and they would say, it is love. You scratch your head in wonder...how can she be with him?

I'll tell you now, its PENIS!

Penis can be a bait. Men know it and they use it as such. Some will give it you, all the time...now you are hooked. You spend more and more time together...he is over all the time, you tell your friends you are in love. Others would give it to you, sparingly if I might add, but just enough for you to want more...so you think you "miss" him...Oh baby, I miss you...you don't miss him you fool! You miss how you feel when you have sex! You feel...LOVED. And that, dear ladies, is the bait. Penis has the ability to make you feel loved, when the reality is, its just PENIS! To put it in you, they have to do all that "touchy feely" stuff, so you would allow them grind away...Oh women!


Anyway, was happy to read a man's take on a subject which I think many women have to acknowledge...smell the dick...its just dick...

P.S: I forgot to add, all those church virgins rushing to marry after a brief "courtship", y'all know why y'all be rushing like the apocalypse was tomorrow, its not cos you are so in love, its cos you want the forbidden apple...SEX! You can't wait to get it in you...passions are on overdrive...God knows how long you both can keep fornication out...so marraige it is!

Appointments...

Who the hell books three appointments in three different clinics on the same day???? Apparently, I do! Just found out I have an appointment with the Gyno, then I have to race across town to my dentist and then I have to go to a fucking eye specialist cos my normal optician will not give me my new glasses without some fancy eye check up which I haven't done(I have astigmatism and she thinks its getting worse, and she is right, I now use only lifts cos anytime I am on stairs, something is bound to happen) WHO, BOOKS THREE APPOINTMENTS??? I must have been drunk, asleep or plain tired. I have to go....jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

Okay...

This is for my friend who says she is bored out of her skull at work cos I do not update my blog regularly...she would like me to write everyday, so she gets some sort of stimulation at work. But you see, if I write everyday, the posts would be like this...short and dry. Not much of a stimulation now, is it? But here you go, I am at work...drinking tea. I am wondering what I can eat for breakfast...a sandwich or a banana? and I left my bicycle at the station...I should ride it home...I can be so lazy sometimes...I need to get some sleep...I also need to cut my hair...I mean, trim the edges...they look like a lawn mower has been through them...I should also búy some pepper...God I have to go to the dentist...good thing is, I get to get high...thats at least something to look forward to...

see...most of the time, I am dry...that is, when I am not in a dark mood or happy, I am just dry...

Hope you had fun reading...lets see what tomorrow brings...

Adios...

Its October already???

My continous struggle with understanding life continues. I hardly smelt the grass and now its all gone. I went shopping with a friend of mine, and as she tried the clothes, we could not help but wonder if she indeed needed so many clothes. We both came to the conclusion that while it was really unnecessary, one has to look good enough to fit in society. Hey...thats what its all about isn't? Wearing clothes that people would at least respect you in. Nobody likes a loafer. Yeah, we bought the damn clothes and felt guilty afterwards. I have been living almost in seclusion with just books. A friend of mine thinks I should be banned from buying more books, I buy books the way girls in London shop for clothes. Twice a week or more, and it does not help that there is a book store right next to the platform where I take my train...it does not help at all. I need to buy more clothes. Spend money on underwear and girly stuff, but I don't. I dont feel too good this morning as I am preparing for work. A good friend of mine just called. One of his best friends is dead. He committed suicide. "But he just had a baby!" I screamed. Screaming does not help, he is gone and my friend is in pieces. I don't understand many things in the world. He was a good guy. Met him so many times in dinner parties, christmas parties, new year's and any other occasion that my friend had...I am trying to remember him now...and I can see him smiling. I don't know why he did it but I understand. Sometimes the grass goes away and you never even smelt it. I hope he is in peace now.

Maybe it's just me...

Another of my friends just pulled another facebook moment on me. I mean, here is somebody I had been in touch with through out the year...and yesterday, all of a sudden, I see a baby picture on her facebook! Surprise! I have a baby...but how, when, where? I mean all this time you were pregnant? why didn't you say?....She says she wanted it to be a surprise! Yeah! On facebook! I don't get people these days, everybody just acts funny...anyway, maybe its me.

I have been very ill for a long time now. Slowly getting stuck to my bed...does anybody call? No. Does anybody wonder if I have somehow died in my apartment and wild cats are feeding off my carcass? No. So why then, do people expect me to jump at the slightest reason to be with them? Are they fucking nuts? No. I am reading a book and eating biscuit...I do not wish to spend time with people who only remember one when it is convenient for them. Its like being a convenient christian. When one is grinding away, fucking your pelvic bones to dust, when does the word "fornication" come up? Never.

Anyway, nothing noteworthy in my life except at the very moment, I am going through something...a phase...I don't even know what it is. I am not sad, I am not depressed, I am just there...Seems like I am always going through something...how old am I again? I haven't even been writing anymore...and that's bad...real bad..

Damn...anyway, maybe its not the world, maybe its just me...but still... I hate this shitty world. How the fuck do people do it?

But not to worry, I will be eating icecream soon and laughing like crazy...or maybe I should get drunk...tmrw is friday after all...hmmmmmm...nice thought...

Still here...

Been a hectic summer...but I am still here...I wonder what's been happening in blogville...haven't had time to check around.

I hope you are okay and life is good...will write a longer blog when I get some time, just wanted to say a big HI! to everybody.

Post card from Berlin...

"So...this is goodbye then...Maybe we will see in the autumn?

"I don't know...you are off the whole august?"

"Yes, I am. I am going to Berlin"

"I have never been to Berlin. I have been to Frankfurt, though"

"Berlin is a good place to party"

Berlin, Berlin, I wish I could go to Berlin. I wish I could take the next train, buy some cans of beer and go to Berlin. I wish I could sleep in empty train stations, my rucksack underneath my head. I wish I could take white, green and yellow pills. I would dance on the streets of Berlin and go home with strangers. I would learn German songs to be sung only when drunk and I will pee at the back of a church...

"I can imagine...its pity though"

"How can it be a pity? I am off to Berlin, I am on leave, it's great!"

"No, no, I mean, it's a pity for me. That we will not be working together anymore...ofcourse its great for you...but for me, its not so great"

"Oh...well, we'll see in the autumn, okay?"

"I guess so"

"Good bye, Waffy, have a good summer, what's left of it, anyway"

"Good bye....wait...send me a post card from Berlin will you?"

"I promise"

It is 4:47 and not 5:47...

I am going back to bed...

I am now in my "thirties"...

Last year, I wrote this post when I turned thirty. I just read that post and I guess I knew even then, that a time for change had come. I did not spend my day reflecting or thinking about my life. I guess I did enough of that last year.

I spent the day with the only man that really loves me. I got a gold heart shaped key holder. He assured me that it was really gold and I told him it was the best present ever and that I will think of him everytime I opened my door. We ate water melon and the pie he said he baked, then he went off to climb a lamp post and I tried to wish my hangover away....

Afterwards, I went for dinner with a friend and then I went home and folded my clothes.

I did not do any damn reflection until this evening as I sat (by the way, its so fucking hard to write this damn post cos my computer has crashed and I am now using a friend's computer and the keyboard has been vandalised by their two year old baby so some letters are missing and the "enter" key...I am dying but this post shall be finished)on the train and felt the sharp pain in my chest subside.

The pain had been caused because I had been in the presence of some human beings who....how do I describe it???? Lets just say that I have no idea how they even tolerate being themselves...so instead of smiling and puting on a brave face like many people would do, I simply excused myself and left the company.

I guess that's the big change since last year. I really do not give a fuck. I do whatever I want to do, whenever. I mean, I have always been a free spirit but still, I have been known to sit through very uncomforatable situations just cos I did not want to inconvenience anybody...

Now...hehehehehehehe I don't even bother explaining shit anymore...I am just doing whatever...its so liberating...you can not imagine...

I don't cause myself any more discomfort because of others, especially not for penis people. I am so focused on my well being that even the slightest irritation gets my feet itching. I no longer have the time or energy to accept their long assed complicated stories...damn....

Yes, I am very impatient with men. Extremely impatient. They start talking and I just want to leave the vicinity. Usssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh!

I am enjoying this new me, no more desperate love, no more drama...everything is just as it should be. I am quite happy to be me these days. My confidence overwhelmes me and I have decided I am just too cool for men. I don't understand them and they don't understand me.

Yeah, its a liberating decision. Now that that is gone from my mind, I don't meet men (not ALL men I meet but those that seem to be something)anymore and think that desperate thought, "maybe he is the one", "what if he is the one", maybe I should give him a chance" etc, etc.

Or dreaming of the past...."what if"....

Now that I have decided that my path in life will be with myself...I feel greatly relieved. I don't know who else will understand me better than myself.I am enjoying my life and I am enjoying being me...

My life feels whole and complete...and I am happy- No need to spoil it with a penis.

Well, those are my thoughts for this year...no proverbs, no quotes, nothing. Just me.

Yeah, so I spent my day with a six year old and when he said "I love you waffy", I believed him...and thats what life is about-TRUTH.

Oh, yeah. I have also learnt that if you are always honest with yourself, you will never be on the wrong path. I will swear on that anyday. And when I mean honest, I mean in every single aspect of your life even silly minute details. Honesty is so cleansing for the soul...you just feel clean all the time...its great. It should be a religion or something...

Okay, enough of all that, before I start blabbing.

Hope you are all good.

Lots of love.

Underrated...

Peace of mind is underrated.

Joy and laughter. I love to love...really I do. I love to hold hands and kiss, and feel special...I love it...

But all that always comes with so much more...

Happiness...a bit of sadness...happiness again...maybe confusion?...tears...lots of laughter again, where are we heading? I love you, I love you, I love you...

I have a situation...

Why is it not me? Choose me! Choose me!

Happiness...

Its both of us now...

Many years...many moments...

Now wait for it...

Babies, love, family, happiness, pride, loyalty, companionship...

But...these complications, I am sad...wait...confused...I am stuck...I love you...no...I am not happy...wait...you hurt me...tears...made me cry...

I just want to be happy...

Peace of mind is underrated.

Damn. Its underrated.

Everybody wanna be like Mike...

Here's a couple of old school naija artists doing their thing...as usual, trust my main man comb&razor to come with this stuff!

Looking for the man in this video...

I am in love...and I also have a bicycle...we fit perfectly...

I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me...

I removed my high heels. I chucked it into my bag and with bare feet, I continue riding. I had not meant to ride my bicycle home, but he had asked me, "are you taking your bicycle?" and I said "Yes". In that moment, my mind had been made up. I would not want to come here again.

I cycled through the part of the city I knew so well. I took the "short cut" and in no time, I was at the station. It was empty. I took out my ipod and listened to some music. Madonna.

Two girls and a man walked past. With a dog. The man in black leather smiled at me. I did not smile back.

I got to my stop. It was five minutes past twelve. The next bus was seven minutes past twelve. I decided to leave my bicycle at the station and take the bus home.

I entered the lift. There was a black man singing. I recognized the songs. Christian songs, those ones that never ends, they just go into one another like the ones they play on radio in Onitsha...

I sang the ending with him...he sang "blessed be thy name" and in the end, I said "thy name of the Lord". He smiled at me and asked, "are you christian?" I nodded.

I did not tell him I was Nigerian too. In one of his hands, he had a big plastic bag containing plastic bottles. He had been out collecting bottles in the night. You get money when you recycle them.

He sang until the bus came. We both got off at the last stop. Then I remembered this line, "I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me"...

Then I went to bed.

Chilling...

Enjoying my day off. Will cook egusi soup today...and then will sleep and watch some Italian movie I borrowed from the local library...then I'll wash my hair...then I will go for a walk without any destination. Then I'll read a book...

Hope you are all good.

Lots of love,
waffy

High...

Hello fellow bloggers,

Yes, I had quite a weekend. Was super drunk on friday night and ended up crashing at my friend Stacy's place. Fortunately for both of us, her husband had fallen asleep in his computer room so we both could sleep on the huge bed and whisper and giggle like idiots. The next morning her husband said we both stink and refused to serve us breakfast in bed even though we begged and begged...

However, today, somebody served me breakfast in bed. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. It was delicious. Eggs and sausages, and cucumber, and tomatoes...lots of stuff...and juice.

Yesterday, I think somebody actually "prepositioned" (thats the exact word he used) me to be the "lady of his house", whatever that means. You can not imagine how funny I thought that was. Plus, he came to this country before I was born! I think, if I am not mistaken with my calculations, that he must be about 50!!!

Before catwalq asks me, I shall ask myself, "where do I meet these people?" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I am in a very good place in my life.

Not because of anybody (although, ghana guy is definitely making me feel HOT and very very special...)

But, I am in a good place because I am just... Its not about ME anymore...not at all. Its definitely not about me.

Ah! maybe one day I will explain...but just so you all know, I am happy.

lots of love,
waffy

Off to get drunk...

Have a nice weekend people. I am going for a previously planned meeting, for the very special reason to get nasty drunk. Yep, I plan such meetings in advance. One always needs the right sort of people to get drunk with. Anyhow, I am getting all dressed up to go and get thrashed. Hope you all have lovely plans for the weekend. Remember, life goes pretty fast, so make the best of your days. God bless and stay cool...

Don't worry, I 'll be back latest on monday...but if I aint here, have no fear, I will surely be recovering....

The joy in being total "fucked up".

It is 05:31 and normally I would be dozing and dreaming of my morning swim and coffee...but I am not. I am preparing for an interview on this beautiful summer morning. The week has gone past pretty quick...my ankle is now all healed and I already rode (I actually had to check the dictionary if "rode" was correct, it just sounds funny, but it is, in case you think it sounds funny too) my bicycle yesterday. I had to get it from the station cos I was having nightmares that it was stolen (It had been there all week). Although they said I should give it two weeks before I start putting pressure again, oh well.

Anyway, so yesterday was pretty cool. Only because I had a surprise visitor...after my rant of "so make me smile damn it!". I am feeling pretty stupid cos it was kinda...well, "cute". He was surprised that I had NOTHING in my tiny "kitchenette" and wondered why I did not call anybody for help. My reasons were the following:

1)Things were already so fucked up that that was just one of the things that added up to the total fucked up pathetic situation. This just means, if its gonna be fucked up then let it be a total fuck up. Phoning someone to help me buy food is just spoiling the fuckedupness. You know, when it rains, it pours so let it pour, God damn it!

2) When you are in such situations, you grind your fucking teeth and get on with it. You dig deep for your survival skills and start eating rice and butter or spaghetti and ketchup. Yah man! No time for crying. You fight on. You show your strength of character, determination, etc etc.

3) I am proud.

He in turn, just said one sentence,

1) You are stubborn.

Oh and he said, he saw no reason for my "survival skills" and being "total fucked up" when help was right "under my nose".

Well, well, too bad. Next time, I'll call him and he can pamper me as much as he wants. For now, I need to shower, do something about my hair and get myself to the station. I don't have time for sitting around here, writing...I have got to fight, you know, take on the world, etc etc.

Have a nice day, people!

Lots of love.
waffy

WALAKOLOMBO

So I found "baby walakolombo"...

Okay, over the weekend I found a couple of songs that excited my soul and I posted them from youtube but I still dey await their arrival. Anyway, e be like say dem no go land anytime soon, so please enjoy "baby walakolombo" here also, here is wadjo and time na money couldn't find the video for rosie but at least the music dey. Also, no video for omoge. Here is also one of my favourites from Majek Fashek. And who remembers Junior and Pretty?. Here is Ras Kimomo with Rhumba Stylee

Yeah, this is what you do when you are stuck in bed with a sprained ankle. I go dey update as the day continues...heheheheheh

I don find Orits Wiliki
cheiiiiiiiiiiii, who remembers where are the prophets?why can't I find Alex O? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...make i dey search for others...

I can "handle" you...

It's not as if I do not appreciate the men that are "toasting" me, I really do, Its just that I don't understand their "lingo". Okay, one of them, the Ghanian, keeps telling me, "you will soon be smiling" WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? Its driving me up the wall. Anytime I complain about something, that is his answer. "You will soon be smiling". I swear the next time he says that shit, I am gonna scream, THEN, MAKE ME SMILE, DAMN IT!

Then, the other guy that says he likes me, the guy from Sierra Leone, he thinks I have too much ambition, (don't ask me oh, you know how African men like to assume how women are. If you have your own opinions and are not quiet in a fucking corner, like an ant, then automatically, you are the "ambitious" woman. You know, the woman NOT to marry), but according to him, he feels he can "handle" it. He says he knows he can "handle" me and my ambitions. "Handle" indeed! Don't do me a favour, please. Handle ko, handle ni.

All these men and their damn arrogance, constantly telling me who I am. They always assume they have decoded you, they know exactly who you are, what you go for. They always think they are making decisions based on your "personality" and other "traits" that they have also decoded. They are all psychologists and anthropologists.

If you are not a part of my family, let me assure you, you don't know me. So, unless you were born in the same house with me, you don't KNOW me. You have no clue what I am capable or not capable of doing. You have no clue how far I will go to do certain things. You have no clue when my enough is enough. You have no fucking clue.

You don't know me, so you can not make me "smile" or "handle" me. First, you have to KNOW me.

Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Tolu Ogunlesi always wins...

Tolu always wins and I am always proud to know him.

Well done Tolu.

and something positive...

It's true what they say, the people you shit with (empty cabin biscuit carton) for six years, will be your friends for life. There is just something so personal about shitting together....

Two people that have kept me going in the hardest of times have turned out to be former boarding house mates. One, I have not seen in more than ten years, the other, I see every five years or so...

But twenty years ago, we were all scared ten year olds with buckets and hoes bigger than our selves, entering into the world of "boarding house" where you either become psychologically damaged for life or strong as a mutherfucker.

I hated that sick school but I LOVE the beautiful friends that somehow always find their way into my life when I need them the most.

I thank God for them. Thats what they said I should do. I should not thank them, but thank God.

So, I thank God.

Just musing...

The games people play with themselves and others, baffles me. The shell and cocoon they build around themselves and pretend that they are doing what they are supposed to, baffles me. However, I know it is me, that do not understand these games. I know it is me, that never learnt how to play. I live life as it comes with honesty and I try to be brave. I have no "rules" for anything. I follow my heart because I know as far as I am honest with myself (which, believe me, is extremely difficult because we always cloud the truth with a million and one other reasons based on a million and one other reasons etc), I can NEVER be on the wrong path. Life is that simple. The truth, I promise you, is always the way.

I think most people I know are living very funny lives. In coccoons and shells that they have built over the years. They make certain decisions that for me, borders on sheer madness. Yet to them, its logical and other coccoon and shell people would think its logical as well. I wonder, when will they see? when they will understand? Are they going to live their lives like this all the time? Following society's games...all these games they play, pretending this is "life". First you do this, then you do that, now you have to do this, then the next stage is this....they block their hearts and close their eyes to the truth. They take a deep breath and plunge into the rest of the games, which will surely come, for once they start, they never end...


These silly games, human beings play, with their own lives, their futures, their happiness, these silly games....

A sunday kind of love....

Happy sunday people. I am stuck in bed with a sprained ankle, wishing I had someone to make tea for me...

Too funny...

Abeg, read this thing...hehehehehehehehhehehehehehehhee abeg, make una come borrow generator, I dash una self. Olodos.

Just Sharing...

Rabbi Elisha ben Abuyah used to say:

Those who are open to life’s lessons and who nurture no prejudices are like a blank sheet of paper on which God writes his words with divine ink

Those who are always looking on the world with cynicism and prejudice are like a sheet of paper already written upon and on which there is no room for new words.

Don’t bother about what you already know, or what you don’t know. Don’t think about the past or the future, just let the divine hands write down each day the surprises of the present.

From Paulo Coelho's Warrior of The Light online, Issue nº 199

See wetin football dey cause?

I don't get why people are so obsessed with British football clubs. I only watch football when Nigeria plays or if there is some super final in Olympics or some shit. I have no feelings for any European team. I mean, I have "general knowledge" like everybody else does. I know the big teams, perhaps some key players,(especially the hot ones), etc. Maybe if I lived in football crazy England, things will be different or maybe if I have friends that are interested in football, my interest would have been piqued by now. As it is, the people I hang out with just know stuff about books, films, theatre...art stuff. I don't know anybody that cheers for any local team.

However, it seems Nigerians are totally nuts over those damn British football clubs. Boys and girls. Everybody supports a team. I remember last year, in Lagos, one of my friends asked, "so are you Man U or Arsenal?" I had no fucking clue why anybody would ask me such a question. For a moment, I thought she was offering cocktails...cos it seemed too ridiculous to me that anybody would want to know what football club I was supporting...I mean why the hell would anyone assume EVERYBODY watches the damn sport? It was really an "eye opener" cos it was then I knew there is something not "quite right".

For real, there is something not quite right, when you see grown men and women in another continent going crazy over football clubs (not even the national team but "local clubs"...yeah, thats right, make una shoot me. Na local clubs I dey call them, yeah, yeah, billions of pounds, multinational, business, sports agents, bla bla bla bla, na local clubs of England)

People say its because we do not have football clubs in Nigeria that people can follow. And people are so hungry for the sport that they now follow the English clubs...

All I am saying, is that when you see something like this you just have to admit...

Something ain't right.

This, is how I feel...

At this very moment, this is my mood...

No country for brave men...

Every man thinks he is strong. Every strong man thinks he is brave. Yet, everytime one sees a brave man, it is not the strong man who thinks he is brave that one sees...because the strong man who thinks he is brave will only act tomorrow...

The brave man, will act NOW.

Nigerian Refugees in Nigeria, now isn't that swell?

You can find an update about the situation here. But ofcourse, since the big belle corrupt mutherfuckers(house of reps)have obviously not seen that picture, they want the military offensive to extend into the neighbouring states. Read about that, here. Assholes.

Seems like NEXT is the only one on ground there cos I am still not seeing anything from other newspapers....

Nigeria is not really "ONE" is it? what a fucking joke!

RIGHT NOW, VILLAGES IN DELTA STATE ARE BEING BURNT TO THE GROUND. INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE BEING KILLED AND MAIMED. WE NOW OFFICIALLY HAVE REFUGEES IN WARRI. REFUGEES! WARRI IS ALREADY A LAWLESS LAND. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN MORE ANGRY PEOPLE GET IN? PURE ANARCHY.

WHAT IS THE NIGERIAN PRESS DOING? NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IS HAPPENING. IS DELTA STATE NOT A PART OF NIGERIA? WHY IS NOBODY COVERING THIS FUCKING OFFENSIVE THAT THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT HAS EMBARKED ON? WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW ANYTHING?

WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS?

WHY DOES NOBODY CARE?

I DON'T GET IT. WHY ARE PEOPLE IN OTHER PARTS OF NIGERIA NOT CONCERNED? I DON'T GET IT...

Just to say...

I did a post with a video sometime this week...it never made it to my blog...maybe it got lost on the way? Just in case you come here and there is the same post shown like two or three times, please blame youtube.

I can't even remember what I wrote now, something about me being stressed and then calming down...or something like that....

Anyway, have a great weekend. We had a public holiday over here so I slept the whole day yesterday! The whole day! I did not realize I was that tired...

Also, check out my review on NigeriansTalk. Enjoy.

Have a good weekend.

Identity based on hair?

I can count the number of times I have done "bob marley" or "braids" in my life. I am lucky, I have enough hair to work with and I think one should always try to work with what one has. So I try to take care of it and treat it right. I eat a lot of vitamins and food with that particular thought in my head, that I have to accept my hair as it is. Also, I am an extremely impatient person so just thinking about sitting for hours for anything puts me off. I am very impatient. I do not do weave ons either. The itching and the heat is totally crazy!

However, I know many women that use weave ons and wigs and for real, some of them really need it. I remember one of our neighbours, mama Frank, the day I saw her without her wig...I almost had a heart attack. She had a huge patch in the middle of her head. She was bald. If na me wey bald, I swear, nothing no go make me no wear wig... haba!

Then, there are those that might not need it but just think they look better in it. Nothing wrong with that either. I love long hair and I have always admired women with long hair. If I had very short hair and there was no hope of it growing longer, then I swear, nothing will stop me from wearing weave on or wig. Lai lai, una no go fit hold me.

Now, unto people wey dey use "natural" hair. I applaud every woman that takes the time and energy to continue working with their own hair, no matter how hard it is. This goes for both black and white women. Do you think anybody wakes up in the morning and their hair is naturally glowing and flowing? lai lai. No need to look far. Turn on your Tv, you will see them washing, blow drying, spraying etc. By the way,it is not only black women that have problems with hair. My friend Agi, if you see her curly hair wey dey break comb...you go bow.

Then there are others who do not wish to comb their hair anymore. It is also called "dread locks". Although, I just call it "people that do not want to comb their hair". I have been tempted many times to go this way because I really hate combing my hair. As a child, this task was left to my mum. I hated combing my hair. I still do. As an adult, I am always happy to visit my family because sooner or later, someone will not be able to stand the sight of my hair and offer to comb it out. I have a couple of friends who have gone this way, Andre from Ukraine, Vedrana from Croatia, Marcin from Poland and Chichi from Nigeria. I am always jealous when I see them because I know they don't have to ever think of combing their hair again. By the way, of these four people, only one of them is a rasta.

Now, so how do I look at this thing called hair? For me, hair is just part of your body, its just something that is there, like your fingers or bum, or nose. Some might not even say so. Some might say they are dead cells. You look after it because it is part of your body and it can be beautiful like all parts of your body. I particularly enjoy taking care of my hair because that's the part that is easiest to do. The rest parts need much more hard work. You have to work hard to have muscles here and there, lift weights, bend here , bend there. The face is much easier to work with it cos u don't need to do anything...u are pretty much stuck with what you have...

Now, to my point.

I have been following with amusement a particular argument that seems to be cropping up here and there on blogville. It is a strange one for me because my idea about identity is quite different from a lot of people. First of all, I do not base my identity on the normal race, nationality, religion, etc, the usual common factors. Over the course of my life, I have realized that being ME has more to do with my character and principles in life than being Nigerian or Christian or whatever. From a very early age, I already knew that that is what I want to be defined as. What I stand for in life, is who I am. That's it. Simple.

Of course, I understand people having national pride, or pride in their colour, etc. If that is something that defines them as human beings, then, enjoy.

Now, to the point.

How the hell does hair become your identity?

But lets say, being African is very important to you and you will like to make that statement loud and clear for all to know,

Is it your hair that defines your identity as an African woman?(you can replace "african" with black/black american/ afropolitan/whatever)


For me, it is very hard to understand because I do not see anybody's hair and think "oh, she is a proud African woman" or "that's not a proud African woman". I might admire your hair if I think it is nice, but I swear I won't get any further impression on who you are as a human being until I get to know what you stand for in life. That's where I'll know if you are truly a proud African woman or not. I won't make that assumption based on the fact that your hair is "natural'. Also, there are many afro carrying human beings who totally despise being African/black. They might just have an afro because its easier for them, or because they have no choice.

Hair is just fucking hair. It does not make you any better or worse than you already are. At least I do not judge anybody based on how they wish to carry the damn thing.

I can not understand how anybody can be making a statement with hair. It's just hair. When I talk to my friends, it is their character I see, not their fucking hair. You can be "morro morro" for all I care. E no concern me. You fit carry hair like mammy water all the way down ya back. E no concern me.

What I am concerned about is, Are you a good human being?

Slippers under armpit...

I have been contemplating moving...my only problem is that I do not know WHERE. I don't want to go to the States cos I like my bicycle and hate hummers. I don't want to move back to Nigeria cos I don't know how to live in any other place than Warri.I never got the hang of Lagos and I don't feel comfortable not knowing all the corners...makes me feel unsafe. Anytime I enter a taxi, na just by luck. Cos they can take me anywhere and I will have no idea where I am . The only time I am absolutely sure of where I am going, is when you cross that bridge going to Victoria Island. It really sucks to be in that city. It's not like Warri is such a great place to live in but I know all the streets and roads and "corner corner" so I feel safer. I know where I am at all times and I know who lives where, whose house you can go to, etc etc. But anyway, I don't want to live there either. Okay, so I know, there are more cities in Nigeria than Lagos and Warri...but anyway, this is my excuse and I am sticking with it.

So I don't want to live in Europe, not in the United States, and definitely not in Naija.

So the options are Asia or another African country...

I am leaning towards "another African country"...(and no, not ghana, before some people begin think na because of ghana man...ghana man by the way is still there oh, but no progress ...it seems they take things quite slow in that country)

Yes, I know, I'll have to learn new stuff there as well, new places, food, culture, etc etc...

I guess it will be an adventure...I don't know...I really need to find somewhere to live...cos this aint "werking" for me.

I give myself another year in this country. If, by that time, I still feel this way, then na to carry slippers under armpit, comot for here.

And please, nobody should mention England...that place sucks...

Wait...I could live in Nigeria though...maybe a village...I won't mind village life...but then I'll need some source of income...maybe I can be a farmer...

Oh Lord! What should I do?????????????

Okay, calm down...one year...that's reasonable, breathe in and out, in and out, in and out....

Wait! Wait! I know! I wanna go to the exact place where these videos were shot...this is where I wanna live....

Poison Fire

I recently had the opportunity of meeting Lars who made this documentary. I am so grateful and thankful to people like him who take their time and energy to make sure that the world sees the collossial mess we have made of our lands.

I will keep talking about it and so should you. For more on what is happening at the moment, please visit this website and see how you too, can get active.

Our govt sucks but we don't, so lets do what we can.

VACANCY: HUSBAND WANTED!

The position to be waffy's husband and partner for the next three years is now available for suitable candidates. Due to the demanding and aggressive nature of men living in the "diaspora", all African men living abroad need not apply. Europeans may be considered.

Please look through the requirement section before applying.

1. Applicants must be virgins.


2. Applicants must at present, be living in a village.

3. All applicants must be earning a living in one of the following livelihoods: Fishing, farming or hunting. Teachers may be considered.

4. All applicants must have at least standard six education or its equivalent. No university graduates will be considered.

5. Height is not a requirement but muscles are. The man should be able to pound yam and fufu at least twice a week.

6. Must be submissive and soft spoken.

7. Must be able to clean, wash and cook.

8. Must be willing to stay at home alone for long periods of time.

9. Good English is not a requirement but should be able to say "Welcome home" and "Good bye".

10. Must be willing to cater to the needs of other family members.

The position is only available for 3 years as waffy realises that sooner or later his fellow men abroad will "open his eyes" .

All CVs should be submitted to the comment section of this post.

I am sorry, Engineers...

My mum told me some time ago, that the only reason people misunderstand me is because I am not with people who understand me. Meaning simply, that I need to be with people who think the same way like I do and then I would not feel misunderstood.

Basically, she said that my strategy sucks. Instead of becoming a recluse and keeping away from human beings, I am supposed to be finding people who are also like me(perhaps she could not bring herself to say other "weirdos" like you hehehehehe).

This week, I spent time with a friend of mine who I am not so close to because I have made no effort to do so.. We are alike in many ways...we both have a serious tendency to become hippies. Anyway, we had a very good time and it felt really good to be able to do things that I like to do. Since Jojo left, (damn that bloody England), I have not had a friend to go to places with.

My mum was right. I am always just with the wrong people.

I am sorry, Engineers...

Ririovara (Wipe Your Tears)

Woke up this morning and listened to my most valuable CD...a collection of Naija reggae hits. This is my favorite song in the collection just cos it reminds me so much of my childhood and home...we rocked this song tire...Evi-Edna was so HUGE in Warri those days...and mandators of course...

But why, do I waste my time?

I keep mostly to myself. I don't like being involved with too many people because they always end up disappointing me. Yet...sometimes, I decide to give people a chance...which is mostly me being a psychologist and listening to their various problems...Oh Lord, the problems! I listen and listen and listen...

then suddenly they disappear...because they feel better of course, or they no longer need your help, or they are now busy doing something else...

then you call, hoping everything is okay...wondering...

Of course they are okay...just they no longer need you, you know...

Then I ask myself, but why, do I waste my time?

sigh. At least I tried again...too bad, back to my old self.

And God save the next person that comes knocking on my door with one problem or the other...hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Indeed!

Sometimes I wonder....for real. See, I am sitting in this cafeteria when I hear this African guy wooing one of the white girls sitting beside me...he is telling her how he will take her to his "church" and "heal" her (she has sprained her leg or some shit), in great guffaws, he says his church is his "bedroom" bla bla, and the other guys are laughing now...

I am wondering how it is possible for people to fool themselves at such a low level?

Then he notices me, he comes over, tastes my food and tells me he gives me 11/10 and slowly nods his head...I tell him I have lived for this moment all my life and his judgement is the only thing that matters at this very moment in my life...

I don't know if he knows what sarcasm is, but he goes on about the food...now he says I am "queen of the sky", I know he was going to say queen of something, but my icy stare must have made him forget his usual line, so now he says "queen of the sky"...

I tell him that is the most absurd shit I have ever heard, now he does not know if I am joking or not...he says something else...about the food again, he will take me back to his country...

I tell him to go back to charming the other ladies...maybe they enjoy that shit...

He still does not know that I am not joking and tries one last joke, or flattery or nonsense or bullshit...he says he must come and visit me one of these days...

I tell him : Indeed!

9 WRITERS, 4 CITIES: THE BOOK TOUR

Hello guys! Here are some of my favourite authors on a book tour! Yippeeeee! I am especially glad because Warri and Benin are both venues! I am expecting a big turn out for my guy, Eghosa. I am sorry I will be missing hearing Isi who I predict will be too funny and of course, Jumoke whose poems I always enjoy reading. Pity I won't be hearing them speak but many of you can, so please take the time to hear them talk about their books and get your copies signed as well.

I always enjoy going for book meetings and I am happy Nigeria is offering readers a chance to meet, discuss and share opinions. Another reason I enjoy going for book meetings(that's what I call them, whatever) is because you always meet very cool people there! I have had so many fascinating conversations at such events and I have made a couple of friends too. I hope some of you take the time to support our writers...and please, keep reading!

From May 2nd to Saturday June 6th 2009, nine Nigerian writers will embark on a book tour to 4 cities across Nigeria. The event is themed 9 Writers, 4 Cities: The Book Tour, and it is a series of book readings, book signings and discussions. Each event will be recorded and made available for download online. The series of weekend readings will hold in Benin, Ibadan, Lagos and Warri. The first event, which is to be hosted by Writers Anonymous at the African Artists Foundation in Lagos, will be followed by a ‘Book Party’.

The participating writers are: Odia Ofeimun (poet and author of The Poet Lied), Toni Kan (author of Nights of a Creaking Bed), Lindsay Barrett (journalist, poet and author of several books, including Song for Mumu), Jumoke Verissimo (author of I am Memory), Tade Ipadeola (a lawyer and author of the poetry collection A Sign of Times), Joy Isi Bewaji (author of Eko Dialogue), Eghosa Imasuen ( medical doctor and author of To Saint Patrick), A. Igoni Barrett (managing editor of Farafina magazine and author of From Caves of Rotten Teeth) and Bimbo Adelakun ( journalist and author of Under the Brown Rusted Roofs).

The series of events will take place at the following places:

Lagos: Saturday, 2nd May, 2009 at the African Artists Foundation, No 54, Raymond Njoku Street, Ikoyi, Lagos

Lagos: Sunday, 17th May at The Palms Shopping Mall, Lekki Express Way, Lekki

Lagos: Saturday 6th June, 2009 at the African Artists Foundation, No 54, Raymond Njoku Street, Ikoyi, Lagos


The 6-week tour will be reported on the Farafina magazine blog, The Farafinist. Audio and video recordings of each reading will also be placed on the Switched On website as podcasts. Dada Books, Daylight Media and Auggust Media are also media partners in this project.

The dates and venues of the Benin, Warri and Ibadan events will be sent out soon.

For further information, please call 07061141232, email auggustmedia@gmail.com

Sharing...

The weekend is finally here. I am spending my time baking cake (again!...I should start getting money for this new found hobby) for a one year old birthday party, which I have also volunteered to make jollof rice as my birthday present. I no get money. I am giving in "kind". Anyway, my week has been uneventful but totally pleasurable. Spent the last two nights lost in Mandela's biography Long Walk To Freedom. It is a huge book but I am nearly at the end now. I had a very unhealthy fascination with Mandela as a child(don't know if I have mentioned it on my blog before, but anyway)I remember watching a particular program about him and he made such an impression on my young mind that for days afterwards, I used to ask my father "Is Mandela free yet?".
Now I am guessing it was obviously during the world wide "Free Mandela" campaign that was initiated during the 80's. After that, my father took great pains to explain the situation in South Africa to me. I am sure I never really understood it but it no doubt made me angry that something like that was happening. I remember asking all the time "but why can't they all just live together?". Anyway, after those first questions, I became a bit obsessed with any news about Mandela and my father was a ready accomplice in feeding my mind with news and updates about the situation. He got irritated with me after a while though, since I had no idea that things did not change every single day.

I also don't remember how my obsession died but after the initial euphoria over his release, new things took over. Secondary school, boarding house and other new obsessions.

That is why when I saw the book, lying there, gathering dust in the book shelf in my friend's living room, I just had to read it. Finally, I would know who this man really is.

What did I really know about him? What did I really know about South Africa? What, do I know now?

I have to say I knew plenty, but not enough.(The truth is I have not been fascinated at all these last years. I never watched any of those concerts or campaigns, I did not watch his birthday thingy and I certainly have lost track of Winnie..)

Anyway, so thats what has taken my mind away. My soul however, is still very much on earth. Loving, praying, and living.

Have a great weekend.
Love,
Waffy

A little bit of everything...

I am so grateful for last week...and this week. Nothing special happened, my apartment is still empty and I still have not bought a proper bed so my back hurts all the time. Yet...yet...there is really something that happens when you genuinely surrender your burdens(I wrote "shit" before, but somehow it seemed a bit crude to use the word "shit" so near the word "God") to God...and the universe. For real, if you have done absolutely everything you can...wetin you wan do again? For all those, still thinking, hoping, wishing...e don do oh. Let the shit go and leave your life. It might not be what you "hoped" for, but baby, you have no choice, that's what you've got for the mean time, so just fucking live.

Anyway, point is, even with all the shit, I don't think I have ever got my mind to be as peaceful as it has been. I managed to not miss out on beautiful moments like a little kid stamping "terrific" at the back of my palm, or an older guy telling me how sexy he thinks I am, or baking three huge cakes for my friend who for some reason, has promised to feed 50 people with them(but does not know how to bake)

I had a good week and I am grateful for that, lets hope my mind continues on its peaceful path this week as well.

I watch a lot of documentaries...at least, I try to...I'd watch a documentary over a movie any day. I always want to know what other people are doing. A dear friend of mine calls me "intrusive", because I always ask one million and one questions, "what are you doing now? " what are you going to do in a minute?" " what will you do when you are sleeping?". I am curious about people's lives. I make up stories in my head about the people I see on trains and buses. I have almost followed a couple of people just cos I REALLY wanted to know where they were going. Sometimes I strike up conversations with strangers just to know "WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS WORLD?"...anyway, back to documentaries. So that's why I watch them. There are so many people living different lives in different situations, in different countries. I am afraid I will never be able to know EVERYTHING in the world...but I am giving it a good shot.

Right. Where were we again? Yes, documentaries...so, I am scrolling through the most recent ones that have been shown on TV , when I see this. I just loved the name, "Suddenly, last winter", I had no idea what it was all about but I decided to watch it anyhow just cos I loved the title. I never knew Italy was so homophobic...okay, I know the Pope has them by the balls, but come on, they always look so hot and sexy, fashionable (Fashion world, hallo?) and...I don't know...tolerant? Imagine my surprise then, to watch this eye opening documentary about partnership laws in Italy. I mean, people living together still don't have rights? ehhhhn, aren't they part of E.U?(and I am not talking about just gays but also people that want to live together but do not wish to get married, it could be any combination, I mean, what happens if one of them dies? or is ill?)Fucking unbelievable!

Anyway, even though I learnt so much, the best thing about this doc are the guys. So, so brilliant, witty and what a sense of humour!

Wishing you all a good week!
Lots of love
Waffy

This definitely "werks" for me...

Yeah, keep talking, this Ghanian accent is definitely hot...say "work" again, and please, please, all the pronouns...umhhhhmmm, that's right, keep talking...

"Yes indeed, I went to Kwame Nkrumah University, good guess!"

umhhhhhhmmmm, thats what I thought, with a face like this...only the best...only the best...

"And you are from the Delta, right?"

Ummmhhhhmmmm, I am from anywhere you want me to be from, baby...


"Can I have your number?"

ummmhhhhmmmm, you can have my number anytime baby....

"When can I call you?"

ummhhhhhmmm, what about right now? This, definitely, werks for me...

Who knew Ghanian men were so hot? Hot Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn

An easter lesson...

Many things going on in my life, but the most uplifting happened yesterday when I went to borrow some movies. I just moved to this area and I really have not had time to explore around properly. I just walk to the station every morning and thats it. Anyway, I saw an advert for a gym and decided to track the place down. I was disappointed to find out that it had many "conditions" attached to it. Card for this, card for that, 12 months contract, pay for this, pay for that, and they insisted on everything being taken from your account every month, you know, that automatic stuff...whatever it is called....

Na today I dey go gym for this country? Hisssssssssssssssssssssss

Anyway, so that was a total disappointment of course, but next door was a movie store. So I decided to rent some movies instead, just to feel like I had not wasted my time going all the way there.

I get the movies, I get a drink and already start drinking my ginger ale(I asked if it was okay to start drinking before paying, and he said yes)...anyway, this is what happened...

"Right, these two movies, the drink, and here's my card"

"Oh sorry, I only accept cash"

I look at the drink in my hand....Shit! I knew I should have paid first before I started drinking...

"Is there a cash machine nearby?"

"Yeah, at the station"

"Okay, so I'll just run down and get the money, okay?"

"That's such a drag, don't worry,you can just pay when you return the movies..."

"You trust me like that?"

"Yes"

"What if I never come back?"

"You will"

"What if I just take your movies and you never hear from me again"

"Nah, you are not that kind of person, you will be back"

"Thanks so much, I ll be back with them, tomorrow, don't worry"

"I am not worried, I know you'll come back"

There you have it! Two faces of humanity! One just wants to cheat you out of every penny you have and the other, is willing to trust in good faith...that's all there is to life at the end of the day.

Hope you all have a good rest and have enough time for reflection, compassion and love at this time.

Happy Easter

Lots of love,
waffy

Let the penis go...

You serenade me to sleep today
but come tomorrow,
and I shall cry myself to sleep
You love me today,
but come tomorrow,
and you shall love another
You care for me today
but come tomorrow
and you shall care for another

That is the game that we play
here today, gone tomorrow
That is the pain that we get
hurt today, hurt tomorrow

If pain is all we get, why are we still playing?


Let the penis go, it is nothing but trouble, let the penis go...

I am a BITCH!

meredith brooks - bitch

I am not perfect and I never pretend to be. Like every human being that has gone through life, I carry my own “life baggage”. I know how to say “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me” but I also know how to say “go to hell” and “fuck off”. I can listen to people patiently but I can also argue until I get the last word. I enjoy doing things for people but sometimes I can be the laziest person on planet earth and just sit around, reading books all day, doing absolutely nothing.

We are all human beings. There is nobody on earth who has the perfect character. We are full of contradictions and you can never tell how we might react in any situation. That is why I find it amusing that any man would think he has the “perfect woman”. A woman that is docile, calm, supportive, never argues, just there to please you, forever and ever.

Many men believe there is such a woman. They go around expecting to find her and sooner or later they will. Not because such a woman exists, but because women know that is what you want and we shall give it to you. We shall be submissive to your will, after all, isn’t it as simple as that?

It is much harder to be yourself and show a man all the many shades and colours that you come with. It is scary for a man to see you just the way you are, with all your faults glaring in the sun light because you know he will see them and run away. You are not perfect; you are not the woman he wants. He will tell you, you pushed him away with your many questions and answers. He will tell you, you are troublesome, he needs peace when he comes home and someone to pat his shoulders.

Everybody is looking for that Angel. I hear she exists, somewhere in the fantasies of men, ready to serve them and make their wishes come true.

I cannot make wishes come true. I am not the best human being on earth but I do give it my very best shot. I have so many faults that even I, cannot count them sometimes. I am an ordinary woman just trying to live her life.

I’d rather be called a bitch any day than an Angel, cos an Angel, I am not and will never be…

A great weekend and characters at the airport....

I had a really good weekend. First of all, I got to see a childhood friend walk down the aisle in a very simple but beautiful court ceremony. I cried when they said their vows, in fact, I think I was already crying the moment she walked into the room. She looked so beautiful and happy. Then, I met a man who, is just...GREAT! He has been so incredibly kind and sweet to me...sometimes I wonder why he is being so nice to me...I get a bit dizzy thinking that someone actually cares....

Then, I got to see another family friend's new baby who was just the cutest little thing! I just pray the world is kind to the little angel, seeing new babies makes me worry a lot about our world and where humanity is heading...

Then this character at the airport: He looked like he just stepped out of a gangster movie or something...all shiny and new,in a pinstripe suit or whatever it is called, shiny shoes. It was some kind of beige colour and then a trench coat in a very funny brown colour. He kept adjusting and looking at himself, and I kept praying he would not sit next to me cos I know my mind. If he sits next to me, I'll spend the whole time trying to figure out who he was, where he was going, why he is dressed like that, where he got the hat, is he a drug dealer? a gangster? is he from Panama? Is he excited cos he is travelling for the first time and decided to dress up for the occasion? Did he get everything from a second hand boutique? Why that particular colour? Why is his hair gelled like that? and that big red ring on his finger? Or maybe he is just on the way to meet the love of his life? They've been chatting for months over the Internet and now he is going to see her? Or maybe he just likes dressing sharp? and if you like dressing so sharp, class, elegance, money, WHY THE HELL WILL YOU USE RYAN AIR?

So I just prayed he would not sit next to me, cos all I wanted to do was sleep, and getting my brain active again was really not in my plan...

If you had seen his shoes...

P.S: Can't find the original of this song but this song na helele

Chances Are...

Chances are we're gonna leave now
Sorry for the victim now
Though my days are filled with sorrow
I see years of bright tommorrow

Chances, chances are some might not hold out
Chances are, hang on right now
Though my days are filled with sorrow
I see years of bright tommorrow

Chances, chances are some might not hold out
Chances are, hang on right now
Chances are, oh chances, you're my chances
Chances are, hang on right now

Chances are, hang on right now

Deal with loneliness, I'll take some tear drops
Chances are we'll have to win
Chances are, hang on right now
Chances are, chances are...

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

I know I am complicated. Nobody has to tell me, I know. I think about many things that I should not. I do many things I should not. I take many risks that I should not. However, the one thing that is constant in my life is writing. I write all the time and it does not have to be me sitting by a computer or with a pen and paper. I can think of sentences in my head , stored for later. For the past two weeks, I have not been able to write. Not because I did not have the means but because nothing wanted to come out. How can that be when I always have so much in my head? How can that be, when at this very moment my head is filled with so much shit that I could explode? How can that be, when my head hurts me so much from thinking and thinking and thinking?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It has been a crazy week. Ups, downs, good, bad. I have come home every day just to crash like a "malu" flogged to plough the fields...whatever...thats how I feel. Like a "malu". I am so tired of thinking and thinking and thinking...and worrying, and worrying and worrying...

I don't know anymore about anything. At least, I can write now and I already feel better. I have so much to write in my diary, which is sometimes here and on pieces of paper... and on the backs of different books and calenders. Lets hope somebody finds it all in the future and puts all the clues together cos I certainly can't.

I don't know anymore about anything. I think I am tired of being "tough" this week. For the next week, I am just gonna be a fragile creature. I shall cry at the drop of a hat, eat chocolates and drink tea. I shall not run to catch the bus. I shall not drink coffee while trying to catch the bus. I shall not get off the train and get a cab because I am late. I shall not smile at other human beings on the train.

I shall read my books and ignore the world. Except when I have to pay for something or the other.

I heard my blog is "confusing" and I certainly do not help with these posts of mine...and I think a fellow blogger has once mentioned the depressive content of my blog...or something of that nature...

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't care. This blog is what it is. Full of shit sometimes, just like the world.

No, I am not depressed, just my good old self.

Oh, and I am back to feeling like Edith Piaf...(this should surely give this post a "dark edge" heheheheheheehehe)

Chilling...

Snowing like crazy...ate tuna fish...cos I am too lazy to go out and do any kind of shopping. Thinking of nothing except summer and travelling, and swimming...and a couple of other things but I won't bore you with them.

I have so many things to do, I hope I get to do them all before the week runs out. I feel like I never have enough hours in the day. I have so many books to read too and I can't finish them with the little time I have on trains and buses. Very frustrating.

I still have not bought anything for my apartment. I have to go to IKEA a.s.a.p. I think I'll just buy stuff and get them to deliver it and if possible, get those strong men of theirs to put it all up while I watch their muscles at work...not a bad idea, huh?

I go just manage until I have time.

Hope you are all having a good time. Na me and music get am as usual.

Life is crazy sha, but I have to say, all the shit is worth a few golden moments of being at peace with yourself and the world. Greatest feeling ever.

Wishing you all a good week!

My curtain na tablecloth...

...those tie and dye ones...you know, the one that every Nigerian living abroad has. This one is green, with fishes swimming inside in a circle, or rather, square(cos the table cloth is square). It looks ridiculous but who cares? and thats all I have managed to put up, plus some table lamps that I have plugged into every socket that I found...

perhaps this is the "union of joy and emptiness?"(I read that in one of those Buddhism books, one of those phrases that haunts my brain)its a fucking empty room...

but I am happy.

Is he joking?????????

Doing my usual news round when I came across this on NEXT. It is part of an interview with a Representative of longthroat house.

Q: In your tenure in the National Assembly, how many bills have you sponsored?

A: I have sponsored four bills; the abrogation of decree 52, on bar beach, there is one which has to do with disaster management which has gotten past the first reading and I was part of the bill for the budget office, to set up the budget office. I started it off in the last session and it didn't scale through hence I collaborated and we have it again. The fourth bill I think has to do on education-can't recall exactly what it is.


What the fuck does he mean by "can't recall exactly"? Thats all he fucking does there all day...and he can not recall? Olodo!

Exhale...

Finally, I move into my new apartment on Monday. It is a small apartment and no bigger than my former kitchen, but guess what? It's my name that's on that tag! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! The last time I had a place this small, I was 19 and ready to conquer the world. I feel a bit like that again, excited about my new life, which I sometimes feel guilty about considering all the horrible things happening in the world...I wish all these shitty wars would just go away and let human beings live in peace...fucking nuts...

Anyway, so on Monday, I am going to be in my own place. It is totally empty, I have not even bought a bed yet. I might just sleep on the floor with a blanket or something, but it doesn't matter because its my name that's on that tag! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!(sorry, I can't seem to get that line out of my head, its from Beyonce's irreplaceable )

Last year was a crazy, crazy year for me. I made so many changes that I overwhelmed myself. Everything was so overwhelming that I actually ran away from it all. It has taken so much energy and strength to be able to come back and face the many decisions that I made. It was tough...so tough that sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, thinking, "shit! shit! shit! what the hell are you doing? you are so fucked up, this is all wrong, you can't do this, you had it all, now you've gone and fucked everything up, as usual!".

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Let me not think about it, the months of insomnia, the days of meaningless wonderings...all I can say is, at that point, the only thing I thought was, "is life meant to be this hard?", it was hardcore.

(But here we are now, 2009, and no, I did not die. It was tough and shitty, and messed up, but I did not die. And if you are going through a tough time right now, don't worry, you will not die either. Everyday is a new day and every day comes with new chances to get things right. Hold on to whatever it is you have to. I held onto this line "this is a test of the strength of your character", for me, this was going to show how strong I was...so that's what I did. Show that no matter what, na me and this life get am, nonsense!)

Finally, this ending, of the journey of homelessness,( I promise you, it was a fucking journey) will not be complete without saying thank you to all those who put up with my craiseness. My GREAT family and friends....jeez....una dey try sha...haba!

Thanks also to all the bloggers of this post who got me this apartment!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't be sleeping on the bare floor on Monday without your help! So, I thank you all.

Happy weekend. Its my name that's on that tag!!!!(can't embedd the video so just click on this link)

Time for a road trip?

and jamming to this song...uh huh...you feel me? Somebody say hell yeahhhhhhhhhhh! I need to get some Barry White on my ipod...hot damn...I'm feeling...ehnnn... moody....

Why are you looking for me?

Why are you looking for me?

Just cos...

Stop looking for me

Okay.

But why were you looking for me?

I can't remember anymore, I think I like you

And you don't like me anymore?

I am not sure, I'll have to think about that

Well, I am here now

Why are you here?

Cos you were looking for me

Why was I looking for you?

You tell me! You said you were!

Really? When?

So you are not looking for me?

I was, I am not sure if I still am

Okay, then I will go

Okay...but what if I want to find you later?

You are a fool.

Top five reasons why you should help out that tired mother you know...

Okay, I know we all know that tired friend, sister, auntie, neighbour that could really use a babysitter. Come on, you all know someone! and I know some of us, including yours truly, have been guilty of dodging them just cos we don't want to "waste" that weekend or Friday night with some kid...

Here are five main points why you should give that woman a break!

1. You get to watch cartoons early in the morning and not feel guilty about it. Yep, Tom and Jerry has never been funnier! This weekend I watched the one where Jerry tries to save that little birdie from committing suicide cos it thought it was ugly(but really, some of the themes in these cartoons are hardcore sha...)and the birdie wanted Tom to eat it and Jerry had to be faster than Tom's mouth...it was so hilarious...

2. You can eat anything you want for lunch. Who says a sausage on a slice of white bread covered with ketchup is not the best hot dog ever? and to wash that all down, a cup of hot cocoa(or in my case, a cup of hot coffee).

3. You get to go the cinema(okay, this was my idea but still...) and laugh out loud like every other small person is doing, and yes, you can talk as much as you want and ask a hundred times during the advertisements, "has it started yet?" "when is it going to start?" "is this the movie?" and you can go and pee in the middle of the movie if you want to, you don't have to wait until the very end.

4.You can play games, cards, puzzles and invent the rules as you go along. You can exchange cards as many times as you want, until it suits you(or you win).

5. You get to read bed time stories and sleep off as well...

Give that woman a break....come on, it will be fun!

To "way lay" or not to "way lay"?

My ears are burning as I listen to the two teachers go on and on about how children are like, the pranks, the bullying, etc etc. I wanted to scream at them to shut up, I fucking read the damn pedagogy!I probably know more about that shit than two of them put together...my ears were just burning and burning...and that little brat, standing there, with arms akimbo, snickering at me, that compact, short, stout little brat. How old could she be? 5? 6? Now, having been a victim of bullying at different stages in my life, I know exactly what this is all about. Yes, I handled it very well, thanks to my parents, my brother and my ever faithful friends but still, it is painful to think that children can cause so much harm.

Anyway, so this little compact human being is a bully. First of all, she goes around telling the whole class not to talk to my little friend(who I am here to pick up, since this weekend I am living the life of a single mum, hard work, I assure you)cos she is black. Yes, my friend, lets call her Hadiza, is the only black girl in the class. Thats not even the issue. Now, she has made Hadiza do something I find very weird so she can get her doll back or some story like that. Fact is, its about a doll. (I will narrate the weird thing when the mum gives me permission to do so, you know how sensitive parents can be with stories of their kids).

Anyway, I know the rules, I can't really do anything except talk to the teachers and they in turn will have to talk to the girl's parents, etc etc. I know all that, but still, I am thinking....what if I "waylay" the little brat and warn her properly? You know, the Nigerian way? I mean, surely that will do no harm? Okay, say she reports to the teachers? ehen? After all, I am not the mum, the mum can always claim that I had no idea of how they handle stuff over here....

I am telling you, I am warming up to the idea...we shall see on monday...